Monday, February 21, 2005 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Debi (Oona)

(Elias’ arrival time is 18 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good morning!

DEBI: Good morning! How are ya?

ELIAS: (Chuckles) As always, and yourself?

DEBI: I guess as always. (Elias laughs) You know how I always am, crazy! I’m a lot better today than I was a couple of days ago, but I have some questions for you.

ELIAS: Very well.

DEBI: Let’s go ahead and just warm up with a few questions for friends, and then we’ll get into me.

ELIAS: Very well.

DEBI: I have a couple of focus questions for Allesander, and the first one would be Waldorf Astor.

ELIAS: Observing.

DEBI: Then Sarah, I think it’s Sarah Orne Jewett.

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: He’s directing of that focus. Then there’s an 18th Dynasty pharaoh by the name of Akhenaton.

ELIAS: Counterpart.

DEBI: Ah, that’s interesting! He didn’t ask this, but I think this is a focus of his, Buffalo Bill.

ELIAS: Also observing.

DEBI: He observes a lot! I guess we all do, huh? (Elias laughs) Allesander and I fragmented an essence, I guess about a year ago, and two questions about that. First of all, is that essences’ tone Sasha?

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: And is his friend Jimmy a focus of that essence?

ELIAS: No.

DEBI: For Sheri/Milde, she knows that that Joseph Mengele is not a focus of hers, but she thinks that she has a focus that perhaps works with Mengele in the experimental medical stuff.

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: Maybe she can investigate more and get a name or something. Also, I’m not real sure how to word this; I’ll just kind of read from my notes. Milde also said, last Sunday, she had some type of a spontaneous energy kind of thing, where she saw herself on a balcony and basically jumped, landing on her feet. She wanted confirmation that that was symbology of some type of a major change.

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: Awesome. I have another question, and this is about another focus of mine, Jerome. Jerome is, of course, a future focus. Daryl gets kind of a lot of conversation with Jerome. I just wanted confirmation that what she’s telling me is really going on, because oddly, this is a focus of mine but I don’t get things verbally from him. I’ve been going through this thing lately where I’ve been upset because I don’t have God anymore, and he apparently sent her some type of visual or whatever that he would be happy to grow a white beard and be my God. (Both laugh) Is any of that accurate?

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: Really! So he is reaching over here trying to help me?

ELIAS: (Laughs) Yes.

DEBI: I’ve been very frustrated by that kind of stuff lately, Elias, because as with you, I get different physical sensations from Jerome, and I also get a lot of color things. You and I have done this whole thing with your energy a lot, where I get these colors and all this stuff, but lately, that doesn’t comfort me anymore. It pisses me off in a way, like it’s not enough anymore, and I’m kind of stuck. I don’t really know how to move past that. Do you know what I’m talking about?

ELIAS: Explain “that.”

DEBI: Just as an example, the other day I wanted to have a session and couldn’t, but I was getting a lot of... I’ll get this sort of square shape, visual imagery, kind of bouncing on the wall across the room, and I know that’s me translating your energy.

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: But that’s all I get is the damned square bouncing on the wall across the room! (Elias chuckles) That turns into this feeling of anger. I feel like I should be capable of doing more without anybody else’s intervention. I couldn’t have a session with you verbally, but I wanted something and I couldn’t get it. You know?

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: And similar things with the future focus Jerome. I know he’s there and he’s willing to help and all that, but I can’t get any more than that. I don’t know what to do.

ELIAS: But that is the point. That is an offering of energy to remind you of presence but not necessarily to offer you answers.

DEBI: Well, why not?

ELIAS: You are expecting answers, and therefore, you generate disappointment in not acquiring those. That creates the frustration or the anger, for you do not view your choices in those moments and your expectation is not met. Therefore, there is a response of disappointment.

Why do you not acquire answers from your future focus or from myself? For this is not our function. The answers are within you, and you are projecting your attention outside of you attempting to acquire the answers. You already possess them, but they are within you; therefore, looking for those answers outside of yourself generates disappointment.

DEBI: It sure does. I think maybe part of me knows that. But once I cross that invisible line of emotional build up, once I cross this certain line, it’s like I’m gone, I can’t get ahead. I feel like I loose my ability to pull myself back and see what’s going on. All I can really do at that point is just ride it out.

ELIAS: And thusly you become a victim to yourself.

DEBI: Exactly! It’s like knowing there’s all the answers possible to have inside, and yet I’ve put up a wall between them and me or something.

ELIAS: In actuality, what you are doing is not paying attention in the moment. You are generating an experience, and once the experience begins, as it is familiar to you, you set your attention futurely in what you term to be “riding it out,” that this is a motion that has begun and there is no manner to stop it; you must merely wait until it stops itself.

That is your trap, for that denies you your point of power, which is in the now. You incorporate the ability to interrupt that pattern or that movement of energy in each moment, but you do not engage that power or that ability, for you hold your attention strongly futurely, in anticipation.

DEBI: So I set myself up for it necessarily lasting a while when I do that.

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: When those things are going on, that’s what I really want more than anything, for it to just stop.

ELIAS: But also in opposing it, you generate more of a strength of that movement.

DEBI: It’s really tricky because I know that, and just end up feeling, well, I guess for lack of a better word, stuck.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

DEBI: I don’t even realize I’m doing that. I mean, I know I’m doing all of it, but I can’t see how. You probably know what I feel like right now. I don’t ever want to do that again, because it’s so debilitating. I’m already projecting futurely that I’m going to do it and that it’s going to be debilitating...

ELIAS: Correct.

DEBI: ...and I want to just let that go.

ELIAS: What is significant in this is that you generate this action as a pattern, as you are already aware, and in altering patterns, it is significant to interrupt those patterns WHILE they are occurring.

In that, first of all, as you begin to generate these feelings, it would be suggestible to you to stop momentarily and notice what it is that you are actually feeling. Once you notice what you are actually feeling, attempt to identify what that feeling is.

DEBI: In terms of fear or frustration, or are we talking about something else?

ELIAS: That is correct — or anxiety or apprehension.

DEBI: I’ve had an awful lot of those going on lately, and that kind of plays into what I wanted to talk to you about, this intense sense of anxiety and fear and apprehension and all that, which seemed to start when I got physically sick a couple of weeks ago. I think there’s a couple of parts to that. We’re exploring our truths, correct?

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: I’m wondering if part of that is about my truth about illness. I have no tolerance for it in others. I kind of look down my nose at people that create illness, and I noticed that when I become physically ill, it’s huge, as far as I get this fear that grips me. Can you just talk to me a little bit about that? It’s not like I’m afraid I’m going to die or anything. I get the flu, but it seems like I get hit with this overwhelming emotional response. It’s two weeks later and I still feel it. Can you help me work through that? (Pause)

ELIAS: First of all, this would not necessarily be one of your truths, but it is a strongly expressed belief. In this, the reason that you generate such an opposition to illness is that you generate an association with that as weakness. But illness is also a choice, and physical manifestations can be another avenue of communication.

DEBI: If my objective imagery is mirroring something going on subjectively, then I go into this kind of a circle where, I don’t know how to describe it, but what bad, sick thing am I generating subjectively that I’m mirroring physically.

ELIAS: You are not. This is a misinterpretation, an automatic response — one that is quite familiar to you, to be automatically generating a negative association or discounting of yourself.

But that is part of the point of this exploration that you are beginning, in allowing yourself how automatic you generate a negative or discounting questioning of yourself. You move in the direction automatically of questioning what you are doing wrong or what you are generating that is bad, rather than allowing yourself a clear openness to what you are actually communicating to yourself. This is the reason that you do not receive the communication.

DEBI: Because of all the discounting?

ELIAS: Correct! You are generating the signal, but you dislike the signal. Therefore, you oppose it and attempt to eliminate the signal. Figuratively speaking, in incorporating our analogy of the telephone, what you are doing is ringing your telephone, being irritated at the ring, and therefore generating the action of attempting to crush the telephone, rather than generating the action of engaging it and discovering the message.

DEBI: So I am capable of doing that?

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: When I’m in that zone, like I’ve got a fever, my brain is on fire and I don’t feel good, I don’t feel like I have the capability to do anything. Maybe after it happens or when it happens again.

ELIAS: I am understanding, but the key in this is your opposition. These are YOUR tsunamis...

DEBI: They are, huh? Clearly, I was out of balance for this whole episode.

ELIAS: ...in how easily and how frequently you generate opposition to your own expressions, which merely reinforces their strength, and you do not allow yourself to understand the message or the communication.

DEBI: I’m guessing it would, but maybe you can help me sort out how this plays into, for instance, when I went back to work after this illness I had. I go back to work and I’ve created a situation where something seemingly landed in my lap to fix and I have absolutely no resolution. Then I stand there and I think in one moment I love my job and the next moment I hate it. It becomes this big, huge thing, and I feel like I can’t really love my job one minute and really truly hate it the next. There’s something else going on here. Is that connected?

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: It is. Can you help me sort through that one? This is really big for me, this job thing. Do I stay or do I go? Do I love it or do I hate it? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Is there some way you can communicate this to me that I can get?

ELIAS: Let me express to you, my friend, you have generated a movement in which previously you had allowed yourself to begin to move outside of your box. We engaged conversations pastly, and you began to allow yourself to be paying more attention to you and to be moving outside of the confinement of the box that you had created for yourself, and you were quite successful. Now you have re-placed yourself in the box.

DEBI: It feels like I did.

ELIAS: You are projecting your attention much more outside of yourself, you are not allowing yourself to pay as much attention to yourself, you are not allowing yourself as much of your own freedom as you were, and you are generating expectations of yourself in a manner and to an extent that are becoming quite restrictive to you.

The reason that you experience one moment you like your job and one moment you dislike your job is that you are not clear within yourself any longer and you vacillate, for there are influences of those expectations that you are not paying attention to. You are not noticing the expectations that you are incorporating with yourself and how they are growing.

DEBI: They seem to be. I seem to be painting a picture of expectations that are impossible to achieve.

ELIAS: In this, what do you perceive has begun this familiar pattern again?

DEBI: I know that I have a sense of responsibility for everything, including stuff going on here at home.

ELIAS: Correct. You engaged an alteration. You engaged a choice that triggered familiarities of old patterns.

DEBI: Would this be with Sandy moving out here?

ELIAS: Yes. Now...

DEBI: Oh my god! I’m doing the same thing with him.

ELIAS: I am not expressing to you that this was a bad choice. I am merely explaining to you that in engaging this choice, you have triggered old familiar patterns.

DEBI: Which are the things that say I’m not good enough...

ELIAS: Correct.

DEBI: ...and I can’t do this, and all that.

ELIAS: Correct.

DEBI: Sooner or later, they’ll find out who I really am.

ELIAS: And you have re-placed yourself in your box.

DEBI: This makes sense. Can I ask you a real quick side question on this?

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: I wonder about how I’ve done this by engaging this relationship. I’m certainly not going to get rid of my relationship, because I love this man to death. I certainly do truly believe in the bottom of my heart that I can get through this.

ELIAS: Yes, you can.

DEBI: I can. I guess what I wonder sometimes, is Sandy experiencing the same scenario that I am, or is he off skipping down the road, doing something completely different?

ELIAS: He is not experiencing the same as you, for he does not incorporate the same patterns or the same associations as do you. He incorporates his own issues and experiences and patterns, but they are not the same.

DEBI: So that I can keep it simple for me, if I address this familiar scenario, moving him out here, the relationship beliefs and all that triggered all these other associations, as I address to those beliefs, things will kind of smooth out all around?

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: That is very helpful to me, to keep it simple, to focus on one thing at a time.

ELIAS: Yes, I am understanding. In this...

DEBI: If I make the picture too big and complex, I get lost.

ELIAS: Correct.

DEBI: I am aware that I have triggered old associations, patterns, habits, whatever, and yet it’s like how do I not do that? Perhaps it’s just simply a matter of I’m talking to you about it right now, and I’m starting to realize it on another level and not feeling so lost in it.

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: Maybe that’s all it takes to really kick off moving in another direction?

ELIAS: Quite simply, what may be effective is to be actually paying attention to you in the now, being aware of where your attention is directed.

DEBI: Like not putting my attention in the past?

ELIAS: And pulling it into the now.

DEBI: Because none of it is happening anymore, really...

ELIAS: Correct.

DEBI: ...but I can make it happen if I focus on it...

ELIAS: Correct.

DEBI: ...or when I just don’t pay attention. I hear myself saying a lot that thinking is not my best quality, that I get in trouble when I think things out too much. Then I’ll flip over to the other side of that and go I’m lazy, I’m not working hard enough, that’s just an excuse. Which is it, Elias?

ELIAS: Neither.

DEBI: That’s just me?

ELIAS: It is a preference to not be analyzing continuously.

DEBI: And that’s not a flaw?

ELIAS: No, it is a preference of you to allow yourself more of an ease and a comfort in simplicity. That is a preference.

DEBI: So maybe it’s not being lazy, it’s just a preference or knowing that I can operate quite well using other faculties.

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: Those faculties will probably be a lot more useful if I don’t judge them and do the lazy thing.

ELIAS: Correct. I shall express to you again to re-engage your exercise of noting for one week time framework every time you express a discounting of yourself.

DEBI: It’s so funny how we tend to think — and I was talking to Michael about this earlier — I don’t care, I already did that, I’m good, I’m done with that and now I’ll move on. But some of these things you told me a few years ago are still just as valid exercises as they were then...

ELIAS: Yes, you are quite correct.

DEBI: ...and I forget.

ELIAS: But this exercise shall be helpful to you to remind you how automatic that is as a response, and it shall be helpful to you to remind you to be paying attention to yourself.

DEBI: My world is so much more pleasant when I’m in that zone, and I know it because I’ve been there. I think partially that’s kind of a whiplash effect of having actually accomplished some of these things. My indicator is how I feel, and then to suddenly whiplash myself back in another direction almost makes it worse than it was before.

ELIAS: (Sternly) Note that! That is one discounting.

DEBI: Oh, it is! Eww, okay.

ELIAS: That is NOT acknowledging of your accomplishment. It is discounting your accomplishment, for you are not generating in that same manner now; therefore, what you are doing now is bad. That is a discounting of yourself.

DEBI: It’s kind of tricky sometimes, huh? (Elias chuckles) These things are SO automatic, oh my god!

Let me ask you about something else that was so cool. When I got back from the session in Castaic last month — that was a really intensely cool session, by the way, it really was — I experienced about a 24 hour time period where I was absolutely immersed in appreciation. I cry now even just talking about it. It was so cool, Elias, that I could have died right then and I wouldn’t have cared. Then it was gone, and I can’t seem to get it back.

ELIAS: It is not a question of “getting back.” Let me express to you, my friend, you all offer yourselves experiences to know what the reality of a concept is, and those experiences serve to inspire you in your continued journey. Appreciation may be experienced even in discomfort. For if you are genuinely acknowledging of yourself and accepting of yourself and not questioning and not discounting, even uncomfortable experiences shall not diminish your appreciation of yourself and of what you create.

DEBI: So far in this focus and my experiences, that was the most profound and safe and sound and confident and accepting position I’ve ever been in.

ELIAS: You have offered yourself this experience to know the reality of it rather than merely generating a concept, and you have also offered yourself this experience to inspire you.

DEBI: It did and then it didn’t, and now it’s starting to again. In that 24 hours or however long it was, Elias, was that acceptance?

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: Oh my god, no wonder you talk about it all the time!

ELIAS: (Laughs) And that is tremendously liberating.

DEBI: I couldn’t even imagine; there are no words. Is that how you feel all the time?

ELIAS: It is not necessarily a feeling. It is a state of being.

DEBI: What I wondered, first of all, is that what’s it going to be like after I croak? Yay, let’s go now! But that didn’t really quite fit right, you know what I mean?

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: It was so big that I seem to have to equate it with something major like dis-engagement or something. But I think the point is that I can feel like that here, now.

ELIAS: Correct.

DEBI: Elias, I know you don’t do crystal ball stuff, but is this where I’m going?

ELIAS: This is the direction that you are moving in, and this is the reason that you are engaging conversation with myself now.

DEBI: I just want to know that’s really what’s happening.

ELIAS: And you are offering yourself information to be more aware of how you restrict yourself and how you create obstacles in your movement in moving in that direction, by denying yourself and discounting yourself and not allowing yourself to express you and your own freedom.

DEBI: I’ve certainly painted myself into a pretty tight box the last few weeks.

ELIAS: But be encouraged, for you have released yourself from that box previously, and therefore, you can once again.

DEBI: This is true.

ELIAS: Now you know that you can accomplish; therefore, you can accomplish again.

DEBI: And I can keep doing that.

ELIAS: Correct.

DEBI: It’s so amazing to me that I can hear that from you and it sounds so much better than when I try to say it to myself. (Elias laughs) You know what I mean?

That’s another thing, too. I’ve come close to... I don’t know if I’ve come close or if I actually have, but I’ve been hearing voices that don’t sound like they’re coming from me. I’m not quite sure what my question is about that, but I guess partially my question is am I hearing those voices and are they me?

ELIAS: Yes and yes.

DEBI: How come all of a sudden they sound sort of distant and from somewhere else?

ELIAS: These are different facets of yourself, and the reason that they appear distant is that you are not generating the openness with yourself that you were previously. But in this, you are generating an intense attempt to be moving your attention to yourself and to listening to yourself. This is another manner in which you are generating an action within yourself to move your attention to you.

DEBI: So, these are pretty good... “Good.” I can’t talk without those words, can I?

ELIAS: That is acceptable.

DEBI: While it sort of feels dissociated when it happens, it may behoove me to try to encourage that to happen more, because I actually can communicate with myself that way.

ELIAS: Correct.

DEBI: Would it be safe to say that you would encourage me in that direction?

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: These voices never did sound so far outside myself that I would ask you hey, who was that? I was pretty sure it was me, but... I don’t even know how to say how my voice sounds inside my head, except to say that sometimes it sounds different, and of course, makes me wonder.

Moving my attention has been a really big deal in the last 24 hours or so. I’m pretty clear that that’s the biggest message I’m trying to give to myself right now, that I can and should move my attention. How I do that I’m never sure. (Elias laughs) You know what I mean? Daryl talks about her future focuses getting together and wearing uniforms that say “Attention Movers” and stuff like that and how helpful that is, and I’m willing to accept help from just about anywhere, but ultimately it always comes back to when I look for help completely outside of myself, it’s kind of hollow and empty...

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: ...and doesn’t really feel like a solution anymore. So, while it can be really cool and fun to request assistance and all that — and I do believe I get a lot of cool energy help from my future guys — I really can’t get what I want from them as far as directing myself. I really, really, really want to learn how to do this in a way that I don’t hurt myself so much.

ELIAS: Remember your exercise.

DEBI: I wrote it down again when you were saying it, and I’m looking at it right now. (Both laugh) Oh my goodness! Whenever I do finally have a session with you, it always seems like things are so much simpler than I was making them. I guess mostly what I get from you, Elias, is just kind of an acceptance and a calmness that helps me turn my attention. Does that make sense?

ELIAS: Yes, and that is significant. At times, you may perceive that you merely require the stability of an anchor with your ship, and I quite willingly agree to be the anchor.

DEBI: (Laughs) Let me ask you something, Mr. Anchor.

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: When I am going through all these machinations and screechings and all this kind of stuff, like the other day when I’m clearly seeing you in the colors and shapes I create, are you merely sending to me just that kind of an anchor energy?

ELIAS: Yes, to remind you of my presence and to remind you to relax in that energy, that there is no requirement to do any action but merely to relax in that energy and return your attention to now. I am not sending you a message, so to speak. I am merely projecting energy as a reminder to you that I am present, that I am aware and I am with you, and to remind you to be mindful of you.

DEBI: We do this a lot, and sometimes I get almost numb to it. Here’s one thing before I let you go. Is that also what’s going on in my head behind my nose? Am I starting to translate you differently?

ELIAS: At times, yes.

DEBI: I wondered if that had to do with the neural pathway thing, but it sort of didn’t quite exactly fit that. If it’s you at times, what is it at other times?

ELIAS: You. (Laughs)

DEBI: Oh! (Both laugh) And what is my point? To remind myself to just chill out?

ELIAS: And to be paying attention to you.

DEBI: In that moment?

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: So that’s a method I use to get my own attention.

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: I’ve been doing that a lot the last few days, haven’t I? Sometimes I’ll go, “Okay, uh, okay, I read you loud and clear! I got my own attention, here I am; okay, now what?” (Elias laughs) It’s like there’s something that I’m supposed to follow up with — now I’ve got your attention, here comes the big show.

ELIAS: No, it is merely a method to remind yourself to be paying attention to you in the moment. Not to actually do some action or not that it requires some type of follow-up, but merely to be paying attention to YOU in the moment, what are you doing.

DEBI: And just basically paying attention to what I’m doing in the moment, the same as or part of paying attention to what I’m generating in the moment.

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: So it basically means the same thing: What am I generating in this now?

ELIAS: Correct.

DEBI: That’s a really tricky one. (Elias chuckles) But it does have to do with what beliefs are influencing my perception in this moment.

ELIAS: Yes. Not what shall you do once you notice your attention, but what are you already doing.

DEBI: Emotions are really a cool thing in the end, aren’t they, if you don’t get overwhelmed by them. They’re so full of information or lead you to that information. So, what I’m doing is I’m hammering myself with an emotion, I’m painting a huge picture objectively in front of myself, and internally I’m crackling behind my nose, all of this all at the same time to get my attention. (Both laugh) Golly, there’s a lot going on.

ELIAS: You do generate intensity!

DEBI: Weird to think everybody doesn’t do that. (Elias laughs) How do other people do this? I don’t get it, but I do get that people do things differently. I kind of scratch my head in wonder at folks who just calmly live through their life. (Elias laughs) I don’t quite get that, but sometimes I am envious of that, which I’m sure you already know, and that’s a discounting right there.

ELIAS: Again! (Chuckles)

DEBI: I look around and whatever I see must be how it is, and they know something I don’t know, and oh god. (Both laugh) I have been really pissed off lately that there is no God. I felt sort of like damn it, I can’t do this alone.

ELIAS: (Laughs) But you are not alone!

DEBI: I am not alone, am I? No matter what, and I am going to be okay because I am okay.

ELIAS: Yes.

DEBI: That feels really good. So what I’m also going to do, Elias, is I’m going to attempt to stop trying to ask you and everybody else for all the answers. (Elias laughs) I’m going to take note that what you’re telling me is I have the answers, just to turn my attention back to me.

ELIAS: Very well, my friend, and replace your cloaking blanket with a blanket of energy from myself that may allow you to experience comfort rather than confusion.

DEBI: Beautiful! I will. Thank you so much.

ELIAS: You are very welcome.

DEBI: I think that’s probably about it, and I want to thank you so much for being such a good pal and hanging out with me. I really appreciate that.

ELIAS: Ha ha! You are very welcome. I am always with you, my friend.

DEBI: Thanks.

ELIAS: I express to you encouragement and a slight reminder to be incorporating playfulness. (Both laugh) And I offer to you great lovingness. I shall be anticipating our next meeting, my dear friend. To you, in fondness, au revoir.

DEBI: I love you, too, Elias. Au revoir.

Elias departs after 57 minutes.

©2008 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.