Session 1648

I’ve Been Having a Hell of a Time with Self-Acceptance!


“I’ve Been Having a Hell of a Time with Self-Acceptance!”

Saturday, October 23, 2004 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Ed (Tyler)

(Elias’ arrival time is 13 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good morning!

ED: Good morning, Elias. How are you?

ELIAS: As always, and yourself?

ED: Actually, doing pretty good. I have a couple of questions I want to ask you, if that’s okay?

ELIAS: Very well.

ED: First, I was just going to ask some questions about myself, individually. I was wondering if you could give me my essence name.

ELIAS: Essence name, Tyler...

ED: T-Y-L-E-R?


ED: Interesting. And I have some impressions about the other elements for myself. Family, I have a feeling it’s Vold.

ELIAS: Correct. And alignment?

ED: Ilda?


ED: Orientation I think is soft.

ELIAS: Correct.

ED: Focus type emotional?

ELIAS: Correct.

ED: Color, blue?

ELIAS: Be more specific.

ED: Sky blue?


ED: Tone, somehow middle C seems to ring for me.


ED: And I believe this my last focus.

ELIAS: Correct.

ED: I want to go on and ask a question now, another question. Actually, it’s kind of an interesting question for me. I just wondered if you could comment on why or how I am creating the delays in speaking with you, and might this represent something interesting about my own energy?

ELIAS: It IS concerning your own energy, and what is your impression?

ED: Well, I have a number of impressions. One is a kind of hesitancy in trying to make decisions sometimes. There is a hesitancy because of a little bit of an anxiety or fear in doing this process, this session.

ELIAS: Partially, and also partially to offer yourself the opportunity to generate an interaction and connection with Michael prior to your interaction with myself, therefore generating more of an ease in creating this interaction with myself.

ED: One of the things I have found though, over the years, is that sometimes I do hesitate until I figure something out and feel comfortable with it. I find that it can take some time.

ELIAS: Correct.

ED: Is that part of the soft orientation?

ELIAS: No. This is an element of you and how you process information.

ED: Basically, this question deals with me personally. I am a gay male, and I have been having a hell of a time in self-acceptance. I realize that it’s a far bigger task than I imagined. What advice might you give someone who is attempting to change their perspective when they are viewing evidence that is convincingly against such a change?

ELIAS: In what capacity?

ED: Well, being homosexual in our society isn’t widely accepted, so there is always that challenge to try to overcome, or at least have more confidence and less doubt about one’s self when they are homosexual. I always find this tug of war internally in terms of self-acceptance.

ELIAS: Let me express to you first of all, you reflect through another individuals what YOU generate inwardly in association with yourself. If you are judging yourself or if you are experiencing or perceiving yourself to be less than adequate or not normal and if you are not generating a comfort within yourself in association with what you express, you shall also reflect that through other individuals and their lack of acceptance. Which is actually highly efficient, for it allows you continuously to objectively be aware of what type of energy you are projecting, and therefore what you are reflecting to yourself.

If other individuals are expressing a lack of acceptance of your difference, it is worthy of your attention to evaluate what you are expressing within yourself that you are not accepting and how you perceive yourself to be different and therefore not as adequate or acceptable as other individuals.

This also may interplay with comparison, and the orientation may be another factor. It may not necessarily merely be an expression associated with your sexual preference, but also differences that you view of yourself in relation to other individuals, generating a comparison of yourself and other individuals, attempting to fit yourself into the mold, so to speak, of other individuals, which generally speaking incorporate the orientation of common — and they do incorporate a different lens of their perception than do you. But this is not to say that their perception is right and yours is not, or that yours is right and theirs is not. They are different, and this is quite a challenging expression to be accepting of for difference generates threat, generally speaking. That is how most individuals viewed difference. Sameness generates safety.

This is not to say that you cannot be accepting of difference, but the key is to be aware of self first and to be accepting of self, and in that acceptance of self, familiarizing yourself with your beliefs, your truths, and recognizing that your truths are your own guidelines but they are not absolutes. They may not necessarily be applicable to other individuals. They may incorporate different truths, none of which are right or wrong. They may be right for you or wrong for you, for they do or do not move in conjunction with your preferences. Your preferences are merely preferred beliefs and are generally also in some capacity associated with your truths. Which I have expressed, your truths are beliefs that you have generated into an absolute and you do not question.

But allowing yourself to identify your truths, and recognize that they are your guidelines that you incorporate in association with your expressions, your behaviors, your choices, your movement, but that they do not necessarily apply to other individuals, allows you to be more open to difference. As you generate more of an acceptance of yourself and stop generating comparisons, the automatic by-product of acceptance of self is an acceptance of other individuals also, whether they incorporate difference or not.

Therefore, I express to you that the key in this situation is to be evaluating what YOU are expressing and how you perceive yourself in your differences, how you discount that and generate judgment of yourself, and thusly reflect that judgment through other individuals.

ED: That’s a mouthful, huh? (Elias laughs) The judgment issue, of course, is very strong, and I’ve read many of the sessions concerning judgment. That’s a big challenge for me, maybe because of the fact that I do see myself as different, being gay or homosexual. The other factor is being very emotional about it, also. The question, I guess, that would seem to fit in here would be because of the emotionality, which I seem to struggle with — and the struggle seems to be in terms of feeling very emotional at some point and not having a lot of control over it, that when these things arise that gives this emotionality — I’m just barely holding in there in terms of getting through the experience. I’m not sure if you understand.

ELIAS: Emotion is a communication. As you become more familiar with that, you may discover that your perception may be quite different concerning emotional expressions.

Emotions incorporate two actions, two expressions. One is a signal; that is what you FEEL. The signal is generated to move your attention to the communication. Emotion is an avenue of communication, and every emotion that you express incorporates a message. It is being generated to offer you information concerning what you are actually generating inwardly in the moment and what is influencing that.

Emotion is actually a quite precise communication. It identifies what belief is influencing you in the moment and what type of influence is being generated. It is communicating to you what you are actually doing. It is not a reaction. It is a subjective communication directed to the objective. It incorporates the signal to gain your objective attention.

Therefore, if you are experiencing embarrassment, you FEEL the signal of embarrassment and you can identify with a term what the feeling is. Once you identify what the feeling is, which is the signal, you may evaluate more and listen to what the message is — what does this signal concern? What are you actually doing in that moment? What are you generating within yourself? What influence of what belief is being expressed and therefore motivating the signal of the embarrassment? — remembering that whatever is being triggered is being generated within YOU. Another individual may express in a manner that taps into some expression within yourself and triggers that expression, but they are not creating it. YOU are creating it, and it is associated with some element within you.

If you are generating a feeling of happiness, you are also generating a message, generally speaking, a validation of yourself. If you are generating excitement, you also may be expressing a communication of validation or perhaps surprise.

If you are generating a signal of sadness or anxiety, it is worthy of your attention to evaluate what you are generating yourself. Sadness, generally speaking, is a signal that indicates a communication of some type of denial of yourself and of your expressions and of your own freedom. Denial of self generally generates the signal of sadness, for it is an unnatural expression of essence and generates sorrow.

You may be generating emotional signals in association with doubting yourself or discounting yourself. You may be projecting your attention futurely and not paying attention to the now, and you may generate anxiety or apprehension. As you evaluate the signal and you recognize what the signal is and you turn your attention to you, your communication may be that you are not paying attention in the now, and therefore this is generating that signal of anxiety. Or you may be generating projecting your attention pastly and create a similar signal of anxiety or discounting or even guilt, which you are signaling yourself with a message to move your attention once again to the now and recognize that what you are generating now is not what you anticipate and is not what you have already generated pastly, and that therefore it is unnecessary to be generating that anxiety or discounting of self or guilt.

There are many, many, many different expressions that are offered to yourself from your subjective awareness in association with emotional communications. Once you begin to recognize that emotion is a communication rather than a reaction, this offers you much more information and much more choices, and also allows you a much greater understanding of yourself and of what you are doing.

ED: Very good. That’s a lot to think on. I’m going to move on to the next question.

ELIAS: Very well.

ED: The question pertains to where I am presently employed right now. The question would be this. In my present place of employment, sometimes I feel that the environment is too restrictive, and there’s not a lot of ease, particularly in self-acceptance. I have become comfortable there and I am learning a lot about myself in the process of working there, but I’ve also thought in terms of moving into a new direction of working in an environment that was even easier for me to have self-acceptance. That would be in a gay environment, work environment, professionally speaking. So I’m kinda teeter-tottering between the two. This has been going on for the past two or three years. I do realize that I take some time to really get comfortable before I make a decision. But in this case, I am wondering if I am benefiting more by staying where I am at, opposed to moving on.

ELIAS: I may express to you that this is merely a choice, and it may be associated with preferences. But I may express to you, it is also dependent upon you and your direction, for you may continue in the employment that you are presently and generate a very different atmosphere if you are generating more of an acceptance of yourself, for that projects a very different energy outwardly. Therefore, that creates a very different reality and very different responsiveness from other individuals, which creates a very different environment. But it is also, as I have stated, merely a choice, and it would not be a bad choice to incorporate either direction. If you wish to be incorporating more of an environment that is more similar to yourself, that would be an acceptable choice also.

But let me also express to you a word of caution. Do not delude yourself into a thought process that if you are placing yourself in an environment of other individuals that incorporate similar sexual preference as yourself that it will automatically generate more of a comfortable environment, for that remains dependent upon you and your acceptance of self. Therefore, you may incorporate that type of movement and you may generate the same or equal resistance as you do now, dependent upon what type of energy YOU are projecting and whether you are expressing an acceptance of yourself or not.

Regardless of whether other individuals incorporate the same sexual preference as yourself matters not. For even in that similarity, there may continue to be an expressed opposition if you are not accepting of yourself, for you shall continue to reflect yourself through other individuals. In this, you may generate an expectation that other individuals SHOULD be more accepting if they incorporate that similarity, but that is not necessarily true.

ED: I was just wondering if you have any impressions on the idea that working in an environment with people I can relate to more openly would allow my ability to be more accepting of self — meaning the ability to have more ease in expressing myself as a gay male. That seems to be the issue at hand.

ELIAS: That is a potential. But in genuine evaluation of interactions with other individuals within the environment of your employment, generally speaking how would you be engaging interaction with any other individuals? What would you engage in conversation? What would you view as a restriction in the environment that you engage now which may be different in another environment?

Do you engage conversation with the other individuals in your employment concerning sexual activity?

ED: No, but...

ELIAS: Would you, with individuals in another employment if they generate similarity to yourself? Likely not.

ED: No.

ELIAS: Therefore, what do you perceive as being a restriction that you cannot express of yourself in one environment but that you can in another environment?

ED: Well, the issue seems to be the two different environments. I work at a state prison, which seems to have a lot of individuals with homophobia. I am wondering, in contrast, if I worked in an environment that wasn’t as homophobic, if it would allow me to be more expressive of what I prefer and like to do, in terms of being more of a balance of myself, or that I could talk about things I prefer to do, even if it is just socially, in a gay environment. That wouldn’t cause, I guess, as much reaction as it might in a prison environment.

ELIAS: I am understanding. What you are presenting to yourself is an evaluation of your preferences, which is significant and is worthy of your attention and listening to. In this, you may generate more of an ease if you are incorporating an environment that expresses less rigidity — not necessarily more similarities to yourself in association with sexual preferences, but less of a rigidness in the environment. But this is significant also to be examining, that you have chosen to be incorporating this particular environment for it does incorporate that rigidness, and in some manners, so do you.

ED: Very much. I can appreciate that thought.

ELIAS: But this is significant for the reason that you are beginning to evaluate what are your actual preferences, and that rigidity may not necessarily be one of your preferences. It may be familiar and it may be what you express in different manners, but that is not necessarily to say that it is your preference.

ED: Correct. That I’ll have to give some thought. That’s a good point, because I realize that I have become comfortable with structuring myself around heterosexuals in a certain manner that I no longer prefer.

ELIAS: Correct, for it does not allow you exposure. And in not allowing your own exposure, you do not allow yourself to receive.

ED: Very well put. (Elias chuckles)

In my attempts to look for or meet a compatible relationship in terms of intimacy, I’ve been having a lot of challenges. One of the things I have in my thinking is that I can meet someone for an intimate relationship, who’s compatible, in the general population. And not that I would have to basically pursue anything objectively, but it would just occur almost I guess you could say magically. Then I am torn between the idea that most gay males, if I were to meet one, usually congregate in specific gay settings, which I’m not really ideally crazy about. So I guess the question is I know I can meet someone more or less in the general public or just in general without having to go to the gay settings, but I am wondering if I’m just creating two opposites, two beliefs here that are really opposed to each other and are causing a conflict for myself.

ELIAS: No. You are correct, but once again this is dependent upon you and what type of energy you are projecting. If you are generating a comfort and an acceptance within yourself, and you are allowing yourself to express yourself freely and generating the type of movement that you want, you project a type of energy that is attractive. That resonates within consciousness and serves as a type of beacon, in which it is not necessary for you to seek another individual, another individual shall be drawn to you. Other individuals are drawn to the energy that you project, or they are repelled.

But I may express to you quite genuinely, the more acceptance and trust that you express within yourself, the more you generate an ease and a comfort within yourself, which also projects in an energy of confidence. That type of energy is quite attractive to other individuals.

ED: Just a small comment in response: I find that to be true particularly with women maybe because I have such an ease with them that they find it very attractive. But that’s not actually what I am trying to...

ELIAS: I am understanding, but this is a key. This is an interesting key, for if you allow yourself to genuinely evaluate how you express yourself in interaction with females and what type of energy you project and what freedom you allow, this may offer you significant information concerning how you restrict or what different type energy you project in association with male individuals.

There is no threat with female individuals; there is also no expectation. In generating no expectation, you do not project an energy of threat, and you allow yourself to express yourself much more freely. That is reflected to you in confirmation of that attractiveness that you present as yourself.

But in association with male individuals, there are expectations. You generate expectations of the other individual and of yourself, tremendously, and that generates a very different type of energy. Expectations create an underlying threat and are generally received by the other individual with hesitation.

ED: Really, are they aware of the energy or is it just that they perceive it objectively? Or do they perceive it subjectively?

ELIAS: Both.

ED: So they do actually perceive it objectively?

ELIAS: Yes. You all do. If you are encountering another individual, another male individual, and that individual is interacting with you initially, you know what type energy the individual is projecting. If the individual incorporates tremendous expectations, you may not necessarily translate that in thought as that, but you recognize, you feel, the other individual’s energy. Energy is received and processed much more accurately than any other language and much more immediately, and you respond to it.

If you are interactive with another individual and they are projecting tremendous expectations, as I have stated, you may not translate that into those terms, but you shall immediately recognize some element of the other individual’s energy, and you shall be responsive to it in hesitation or skepticism or leeriness. For many times, it matters not what another individual expresses verbally, for it may be different from what they are projecting in energy and you are aware of the difference. So are other individuals. They may not objectively think to themselves, “Ah, this person is generating strong expectations.” But they do feel the energy that they are receiving, and they respond in resistance or in hesitancy.

This is the reason that it is important for you to be aware of what type of energy you are expressing and allow yourself to relax and generate that comfort within yourself, that confidence, that acceptance, and not comparison.

ED: That’s a challenge.

ELIAS: I am aware.

ED: A big, big challenge.

ELIAS: Comparison is an enormous snare, and comparison generates discounting. It discounts you, and it discounts the other individual.

ED: This question is a little bit more specific to something that happened in the past, and I am wondering if it will happen again in the future. I had a relationship with a friend that passed away four years ago. The relationship was intimate, and it lasted twenty years. Surprisingly, we came together in almost a magical way. I’m wondering now if that can be duplicated, if there will be a similar relationship somewhere on the horizon that would be something similar to the relationship I had with Michael, my friend that passed away.

ELIAS: It is a potential.

ED: Potential? I was going to ask in degrees of possibilities. Is the potential stronger or weaker than I think?

ELIAS: Neither. It is dependent upon you.

ED: I know that to be true...

ELIAS: This is a crystal ball question, and I cannot offer you an accurate response to this type of question, for you may incorporate the choice this day or tomorrow and be projecting a type of energy of acceptance of yourself and draw another individual to yourself that you may generate an on-going romantic relationship with. Or you may generate expectations and challenges, and you may not necessarily draw another individual to you. It is your choice, but it is dependent upon you and what you express and how you express yourself.

ED: Well, I guess it baffles me, because I did it once before back in 1981.

ELIAS: Correct. And therefore, you have offered yourself evidence you CAN, but now you befuddle yourself for you are not. And this is worthy of your examination.

ED: Well, I have tried to examine it, and I don’t seem to have any clear idea. Other than I wasn’t really searching back then...

ELIAS: Correct, and THAT is actually quite significant.

I am aware that there are clichés within your physical reality that individuals enjoy expressing quite frequently, one of which is in association with romantic relationships, that when you are not looking, one shall present itself in surprise. That is not actually inaccurate, and there is a reason. For in time frameworks in which you are not seeking out this type of relationship, you are paying more attention to you. And in paying more attention to you, you are allowing yourself to express more of your freedom. In expressing more of your freedom, you express more of a comfortable energy with yourself, and therefore, you also express more of an openness and more of an allowance of yourself to expose.

In time frameworks in which you allow yourself exposure and are not generating expectations, in those time frameworks are the time frameworks in which you present to yourself those potentials and those possibilities of an intimate relationship or romantic relationship with another individual. For those are the time frameworks in which you are projecting yourself in the most attractive manner for you are allowing yourself your freedom — you are not generating expectations of yourself or of other individuals. You are allowing yourself an ease in movement and you are not concerning yourself with acquiring. That allows you to draw to yourself, generally in surprise — pleasant surprise, but surprise! (Laughs)

ED: I do like surprises, I have to be honest. I enjoy pleasant surprises. (Both laugh)

Time wise we’re down to ten more minutes, and so I wanted to ask one other question. It deals with my orientation of soft and being emotional, I guess. This is my dilemma, but maybe you’ll help me straighten it out in terms of my thinking. It seems to create a difficultly in flow for me, as far as this orientation. I would like to be more comfortable with being outgoing. I know I have to work on that, but do you have any impressions in terms of what it might take to make it easier in accepting this orientation?

ELIAS: Express to me an example of your question. What concerns you?

ED: Well, I would like to be more common.

ELIAS: (Laughs loudly) Which is what we have been in discussing in association with comparisons!

ED: I know, but I like the commons.

ELIAS: In that situation, allow yourself to appreciate other individuals that express the orientation of common, but also allow yourself to appreciate YOUR orientation and the difference of it.

ED: But the commons seem to have a little bit more of an ease expressing objectively.

ELIAS: In what manner?

ED: In all manners.

ELIAS: (Chuckles) I may differ with you in that case in point!

ED: Or I should say this, that for me being a soft seems more difficult in terms of expressing objectively. I see such an ease...

ELIAS: In what capacity?

ED: Well, when I’m alone by myself there’s a lot of ease. But when I am with other folks, maybe it’s picking up their energy and maybe it’s the way I translate it, but it becomes a lot of dis-ease.

ELIAS: In what manner?

ED: Socially.

ELIAS: That is quite general. Be more specific.

ED: Oh, there is such a wide array of areas I could be specific in, but I guess two areas would seem to have the strongest reaction for me — and I know it is a reaction and that should bring me to really evaluate that. But one would be let’s say if I saw someone that I thought was interesting as far as attractive both physically and energy-wise and if they were male. I realize I do react in a certain way, but even if I try to calm down and listen, I don’t seem to be able to get communications from the greater self about what to do next in terms of choices.

ELIAS: You are continuing to be quite general and vague. Be more specific. What communications are you seeking? What reactions are you expressing?

ED: Fear, which is very powerful.

ELIAS: You encounter another individual, a male individual that you view to be attractive physically and in association with energy; you approach the individual and your initial response is fear.

ED: Mainly because I don’t think they are homosexual, and I feel very sexual towards them.

ELIAS: And this generates a fear that you are generating some wrong action.

ED: Yes, or an action that might be offensive.

ELIAS: Which is a wrong action in your estimation.

ED: It could get me in a lot of trouble.

ELIAS: Therefore, it is the wrong action.

ED: I don’t want to get in any trouble, no.

ELIAS: (Laughs) Now; attraction is a specific expression, but it is not necessarily automatically associated with sexual interaction. That is another snare. Many, many, many times individuals generate an initial attraction to another individual, and it may be expressed quite strongly. They automatically translate that into a sexual attraction, and generally speaking, for the most part, initially it is not. But within your societies in your physical reality, the mere term “attraction” is automatically associated with sexual encounters.

You are drawn to another individual for the other individual projects a particular type of energy, and that energy you prefer and you find attractive. That energy that they project also is associated with their physical projection, for the energy that you project is affecting of your appearance. In that, let me express to you, even an individual that you would in what you term to be normal circumstances encounter and view them physically as unattractive, you may encounter an individual as such, and dependent upon the energy that they are projecting, they may be projecting quite an attractive energy. That shall influence your perception, and your projection of the individual shall change.

ED: That has happened.

ELIAS: And you shall configure their actual physical appearance into an appearance that much more attractive than you would have initially thought.

ED: Yes. That has happened very often with males and females, but particularly, recently, with males. I guess I should take it...

ELIAS: This is significant, for it is not actually a sexual energy that attracts you. It is the energy that the individual is projecting, which generally speaking, as I have stated, is not associated with a sexual energy but it is automatically translated in that manner. Which, as you automatically translated in that manner, this is the reason that you generate the fear, for you are denying yourself. You are not allowing yourself to be responsive to the attraction that you recognize for you are automatically translating that into a sexual expression, which limits you. It does not allow you to fully explore the attraction but sets you into narrow stream of one direction of exploration, which you resist, and you hinder, regardless. For as quickly as you move into the narrowness of that stream of translating the attraction into a sexual element, you begin to deny yourself and generate the fear. Thusly, once you generate the fear, you begin triggering expectations, and the domino effect is occurring.

ED: Well, Elias, I think our time is up. I want to thank you very much...

ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend.

ED: ...for all the fine work that has been coming through. Hopefully we’ll get another opportunity to speak again.

ELIAS: Very well, I shall be anticipating our next meeting. To you in great encouragement and supportiveness in your new adventures and also in great affection, I express to you fondly, my friend, au revoir.

ED: Goodbye.

Elias departs after 1 hour.

(1) Transcriber’s note: Coincidentally, “Mouthful” is Elias’ Game name. Go to to see the “Game names” of some of the essences involved in the Elias energy exchange.

©2008 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

Copyright 2004 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.