Saturday, October 16, 2004 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Katrin (Duncan)

(Elias’ arrival time is 13 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good afternoon!

KATRIN: Hello, good afternoon, Elias! I am bit nervous today, so I want to get into it right now. That ceases my nervousness. I want to talk about my relationship with my grandson with the essence name of Bradley. I can see a continuation of my behavior towards him as I reacted to my daughter in her teens. He is six years old.

How does it come along that I worry so much about him? I guess because I am worried about myself. I have given myself information that I have a fear of my own power, more precisely the natural power. Is this related to my worries about him?

ELIAS: And express to myself more specifically what you view within yourself that you are reflecting outwardly.

KATRIN: Any time he does things which are very exciting, like going swimming or going to playgrounds or cycling and testing himself how far he can go, I worry about him. I relate it to myself that I restrict myself occasionally in my own expressions. I am aware of it now and I can cease my worry about him quite easily, but I am not sure whether this is my worry about him.

ELIAS: Partially. I may express to you also there is the expression of worry being generated in association with fear — not merely fear of your own power, but fear of loss. In this, as he exercises his power, you perceive that or translate that within yourself as dangerous, that power maybe a dangerous expression and therefore must be contained and controlled and not experimented with. In this, as you view this small one allowing himself to exercise his power and to test his abilities, this generates a fear within yourself, for you incorporate a fear of your own power and of exercising that power.

KATRIN: Somehow I have realized that, but I have no idea apart from saying, when I am on the playground with him, that I have a choice to think differently; I have a choice here. Then it ceases it off a bit. But with myself, I am a bit stuck with this fear of power.

For example, coming to this session I felt very nervous. This is a fear of power again. I felt happy when I wrote down the questions: This is exactly what I want to do, and I even have done it in proper English. I felt great about myself. But I can wait a minute or two and then I will get some communication which is always related to fear. I don’t know; I can’t get out of it.

ELIAS: What you are presenting to yourself is an opportunity to examine how you respond within yourself in association with your own fear of expressing yourself, which is quite understandable that you were experiencing and are experiencing this nervousness, as you express, in association in engaging conversation with myself, which is quite similar to what you engage with the small one. For you view myself as an allowance of expression and an expression of freedom. I express freely to you and do not incorporate reservation and do not incorporate a fear of that freedom. Therefore, it is expressed to you, but that reflects a fear that you incorporate of expressing yourself and how you restrict yourself.

KATRIN: That’s how I feel — restricted, limited often, when I have this communication of fear in my body. That’s true.

ELIAS: Underlying you incorporate a desire to allow yourself to be freely expressing yourself, but that also generates an uncomfortableness. For there is fear that if you are expressing your freedom and allowing yourself to freely express yourself, you may inadvertently, in your perception, generate some type of dangerous situation. You may perhaps incorporate hurtfulness to another individual or to yourself in an expression of embarrassment or viewing yourself to be incorporating inappropriate behavior. These are doubts that you incorporate concerning your own expressions. That motivates or influences you to restrict how you express yourself.

Therefore, engaging interaction with myself or engaging interaction with the small one or watching the small one as he is expressive of himself generates a threatening experience with you, for it emphasizes your restriction of yourself. But it also incorporates an attraction, for you are attracted to the allowance of expressing freedom in other individuals and in myself, but you fear the danger of expressing that yourself.

Let me also express to you, contrary what you perceive now, allowing yourself to incorporate what you perceive to be risks and allowing yourself to genuinely express your freedom actually incorporates no danger and is quite liberating.

KATRIN: With my daughter and my grandson and the two small ones whom I look after after school every day, I have the creation of asthma. What kind of energy do I project that supports this strong physical reaction in those children or my daughter when she was a child? My impression is that I have a long lasting attachment to the belief that I am a failure. Their strong physical reaction is their way of showing me that they are not a failure or a confirmation to me that they are. Could you please comment on this?

ELIAS: I may express that your impression is correct, and your evaluation of what you are projecting is correct. In this, the more they express in contrary manner, what you generate with that is a reinforcement of your own guilt.

Now; in that, perhaps you may genuinely allow yourself to evaluate your assessment that you have generated already, that they in actuality are allowing themselves to express themselves and their freedom and their power. I am aware of the beliefs that you incorporate as to a role of a parent or a mother, and the expectations that you have generated in association with yourself in that role, and how you have perceived that you have not incorporated adequate measure in that role. But you also are presenting to yourself in association with those beliefs that in actuality they have incorporated a successful awareness of themself and allowance of themselves, and that is generated with your participation.

KATRIN: This is a nice one, actually. In this case for example, I have a strong belief about medication, but I allow my grandson to take medications because I think it matters not whether he takes it or not. This is obviously something I can work with now, otherwise I would interfere. If I take him to the doctor and he gets a prescription, I let it happen even if my own belief is different. It matters not in this case, I believe.

ELIAS: Correct. It matters not, for it is not concerning you. You are not incorporating the medication; it is the choice of the other individual. Therefore...

KATRIN: This is very hard for me to see sometimes, but I can accept it.

ELIAS: What is significant for you to incorporate an awareness of is what YOU are creating and what another individual is creating and what your choice is and what another individual’s choice is. This is the challenge of difference and recognizing that regardless of whether you agree with a particular action or not, what is significant is that you recognize that you yourself are holding to your beliefs and your guidelines. Therefore, YOU are not incorporating the medication. You are continuing to express your preferences in association with what YOU do.

KATRIN: I am aware of it already, and it is pretty liberating compared to some years ago. I am happy to find this distinction, that I have this preference and another person has another.

ELIAS: Exactly.

KATRIN: I do have another question about my grandson. He fell unconscious recently when we were on our way to a holiday in France. My impression is that he had information which he did not like about the journey and chose that way to refrain from this journey. Could you please comment on it? This was frightening when it happened and has not lessened my tendency to worry about him. Is my impression about his action correct or is there something else?

ELIAS: Yes.

KATRIN: Could I have some information about my grandson’s intent? As he is only six, I can see that he always wants to put the record straight about how the world really ticks in a very Sumafi way, so to speak, but without judgment, and he is very passionate to be correct. That itself is not an intent. My impression is nil about this. He is one of my most interesting partners to talk to in this timeframe. He is very exciting for me. I would like to know some more about his intent, if possible, please.

ELIAS: I may express to you that his intent is the exploration of limits and no limits. In that exploration of limits and no limits, he also generates the direction of what in the lack of limitation is most efficient. That is what generates more specific avenues of preciseness.

KATRIN: I can see it now, when you tell me.

Coming back to me, this will probably be a continuation from the beginning of the session. I appreciate myself for the many changes I have initiated over the last year or so, and I am sometimes overexcited to discover beliefs I want to lose my attachment from. But when I am in the process of addressing those beliefs, I always get a physical affectingness in my chest, which developed in former days into panic attacks. Nowadays I just feel uncomfortable or it limits my movement, as I said before. If I don’t develop chest pain, I will find another part of my body that hurts; I’m pretty effective at discounting myself.

It seems to me that I have strong automatic response against change. Even so, my intent in this focus is exploring risk through change. I interpret it as I feel insecure within myself but cannot find out how it comes along. There seems to be a belief I can’t unravel, and I wonder if you could support me, in addition to what you have said at the beginning, on my way to discover why I am so insecure.

ELIAS: First of all, let me express to you that you are engaging change continuously. You merely do not pay attention to the changes that are occurring continuously. In that, you generate the perception that change is expressed in dramatic experiences. In those dramatic experiences that you anticipate, you generate a fear in association with your ability to move comfortably in the expression of dramatic changes.

Now; this is significant, for what you are doing is projecting your attention to an anticipated unknown and therefore triggering a fear. In this, if you allow yourself to recognize that generally speaking most of the changing that you incorporate is being expressed continuously in the present, it is not necessarily dramatic and it is not overwhelming.

If you are allowing yourself to move your attention more to the now and expressing a presence with yourself and your environment in each day rather than projecting your attention futurely to some unknown event that may or may not occur, you may be dissipating much of these physical communications. These are your signals that you offer to yourself to remind you of what you are actually doing. And what you are actually doing is projecting and anticipating and triggering the fear.

KATRIN: This is a pretty good thing for me. It used to be panic attacks, and they have stopped now. If I get this feeling in my chest and translate it as you just said, it is a signal that I am projecting instead of being in the now. This could be a way to cease this completely. I definitely have an expectation of that for future.

ELIAS: Yes. It is an experience that you may incorporate as a trigger or a focal point to allow you to be moving your attention to the now, recognizing that no dramatic event is occurring now and that you are not incorporating dramatic changes now in association with what you fear, and that you are incorporating what you may view as a steady increment of change, which is not overwhelming and which you may view as a positive action. For in these incremental changes that are occurring continuously, you are offering yourself considerable information and widening your awareness.

KATRIN: Yes. That’s what I have done. Through these changes, I have noticed that I do things much differently than I used to. It seems to me I am almost a different person, but even so I know that I have not lost my identity. Instead, I feel enriched about my perception about the world. I recognize myself for being much more relaxed. The best thing I have experienced is that I can play with time now. Time is in my hands and I do things the way... I can’t express it now. Time is very important to me now in a completely different way than it used to be.

I have the feeling or the impression that I have changed my family alignment from Zuli to Sumari. Is this correct? This Zuli alignment I didn’t like for a while. I didn’t want it to be so outwardly expressed anymore.

ELIAS: No, you have not altered your alignment, but you are allowing yourself to express more of the qualities of the Sumari family, which is not unusual. As I have expressed previously, regardless of your alignment you all incorporate qualities of all the essence families. In that, at times you may choose to be expressing more of some qualities of another essence family and experimenting and allowing yourself an avenue to express more of your freedom and comfort in expressing those qualities.

KATRIN: I had the impression I tried to experience more diversity, because I have been a very a black and white person, very judgmental about others. This experience of feeling like belonging to a different alignment, it really doesn’t matter whether it is labeled or not. It gives me quite an insight about diversity.

ELIAS: Yes, I am aware. In this, acknowledge yourself. Rather than anticipating futurely and triggering this expression of fear, allow yourself, my friend, to acknowledge yourself and to recognize what you have accomplished. For you are quite correct, you are not a different individual, but I am aware of what you are expressing in that you feel almost as a different individual, for you have widened your awareness. You have allowed yourself to incorporate much more information, and that has altered your experiences. Which, you also may acknowledge that you have successfully altered your perception in many directions. In that, you have generated considerable accomplishments, and that is to be acknowledged and appreciated. Rather than discounting yourself in doubt of your ability futurely, acknowledge what you ARE doing.

KATRIN: Sometimes it is difficult, because I am a bore to other people now. People who judge or have strong expressions are often very good entertainers in social circles, circles I am not interested in anymore. So, it is just a time of adjustment for me, that I am perceived by others now as a bore, which does not really affect me, but it takes time to adjust. I will get there.

ELIAS: (Laughs) And that also is associated with you restricting yourself and not allowing yourself the fullness of your expressions and allowing yourself to experience and generate your own freedom.

KATRIN: I am just exercising it a bit. I know what you mean. This is just all new...

ELIAS: I am aware, and as you continue and as you allow yourself more and more to express your freedom and not restrict yourself, you shall also experience more of a comfortableness in association with other individuals.

KATRIN: I am very hopeful about this; I’m pretty sure about that. I feel comfortable with myself in the sense that I don’t have to entertain others anymore. I am just sitting there thinking oh, it’s interesting, and sometimes I say something uncomfortable so... (Elias laughs) It takes time.

Before I come to other essence’s questions, I have the impression that quite recently in my terms there has been a small explosion in the number of focuses for my essence. Is this impression valid?

ELIAS: Yes, you are Correct.

KATRIN: How many focuses are there altogether in this physical dimension?

ELIAS: What is your impression?

KATRIN: Around 900. I used to have 600 something.

ELIAS: Slightly more.

KATRIN: Could you tell me how many I have in all dimensions?

ELIAS: That I may not necessarily number.

KATRIN: Okay. Am I a continuing focus? My impression is yes.

ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.

KATRIN: Have I been in transition the last couple of years, four or five years? My impression is yes.

ELIAS: Correct.

KATRIN: We’ve had some difficulty in having a session. My session was postponed, and Gillian/Ari’s and Donatella/Lauraine’s session was postponed. We have put our questions together, and I would like to ask some questions for both of them.

ELIAS: Very well.

KATRIN: I will start with Donatella’s questions. Donatella/Lauraine asks, “Who am I talking to when I am talking to Gillian/Ari, but it is not Gillian?” You probably know what she means. (Pause)

ELIAS: I am aware, and I may express that it is that individual but another aspect of that individual.

KATRIN: “Has Baruch something to do with my father’s essence, bearing in mind that I don’t know who my father’s essence is?”

ELIAS: Counterpart action.

KATRIN: “Am I Morgan le Faye? I have established I am; I just need reassurance.”

ELIAS: Observing.

KATRIN: And the same question about Jane Austen.

ELIAS: Also observing and counterpart.

KATRIN: “Have I decided to not talk to Elias last time because I am still hiding myself, and then the session was cancelled?”

ELIAS: Yes, and restricting energy, which is also somewhat associated with an apprehension concerning authority.

KATRIN: Ari’s questions now: “Why is it I have not created talking to Elias, even though I have been wanting to? I think it’s because I am choosing to work through things myself.”

ELIAS: Partially, but you may also express to this individual that there is somewhat of an apprehension in engaging conversation with myself in this present time framework. There is movement towards that interaction, but there is an apprehension in association with what may be expressed in that conversation. She incorporates an underlying apprehension in association with what she anticipates that I may express to her.

KATRIN: “Ever since I created the incident of the ladder falling on me while sleepwalking, I feel the distinct impression that I have created the action of splintering. I feel a very different Gillian than I was before. At times I feel I am struggling to understand my movements. I acknowledge I have created a great deal of stress regarding my move to Bath and have now found a temporary solution, so I don’t push against myself and regain a trust and confidence that I will manifest what I want. Can you comment on that? I don’t want just a yes or no answer. I really need help understanding, as I feel I have created a great deal of trauma and discomfort.” And for my side, because I have spoken to her recently on the telephone, I think her discomfort at the moment is a need to understand herself a bit better. (Pause)

ELIAS: First of all, I shall express to you I am understanding of the conflict and the discomfort that she is experiencing. This is directly associated with her apprehension and her fear concerning what I may express to her. In this, we have discussed many times her beliefs and her behaviors, and some of what we have discussed has been misinterpreted and has been somewhat distorted.

I am aware of the struggle that she is generating in attempting to justify certain actions that she incorporates and incorporating this information in a manner that reinforces that justification, which is not the point. In struggling and forcing energy in opposition to her expressed beliefs, she is generating trauma. I may express, in this now she is also generating what I have cautioned concerning previously with many individuals in association with polarization.

In this time framework, there is tremendous energy expressed collectively and individually. It is quite easy to be generating receiving energy from the collective expression and not necessarily objectively recognizing that you are incorporating that action; but the evidence of it is expressed in what occurs and what you do. In this, it is tremendously easy presently to be generating a lack of balance and creating polarization, for the energy is expressed very strongly. This is the reason that I have been expressing repeatedly to individuals to be aware of what type of energy they are expressing.

No, she has not splintered, and I may also express that even in the event that a splintering action had occurred, that would not necessarily alter her experience. It would merely generate the creation of another manifestation, but it would not be affecting of her experiences or choices or her identity.

What is occurring, which is quite affecting, is she is generating this polarization and generating extremes — which is the expression of polarization, to be creating extremes. In this, she has been generating this polarization and extremes for a time framework in which I may express approximately several of your months. This extreme or polarization has been being expressed for a time framework which began prior to the last conversation that she and I engaged together within physical proximity. Therefore, it has been an extended time framework in which these extremes have been expressed, and that is significant to be evaluating.

In this, I may express to her that it is important to recognize justifications, and it is significant for her to evaluate how she is forcing energy and generating these justifications and extremes in association with substances. As I have expressed previously, the substance is not bad, but the beliefs that are incorporated concerning them, which she incorporates as expressed beliefs, are what is significant.

Let me also express to you explanation of your discomfort presently, for this is a reception of Ari’s energy. (Katrin has been quite audibly coughing and choking throughout Elias’ response to this question.) As I have expressed, Ari has chosen not to be in conversation with myself concerning this matter, for it is uncomfortable and she incorporates a fear of what I may express. What I am expressing is precisely what she is incorporating the fear of, and regardless...

KATRIN: And that’s why I’m coughing?

ELIAS: Yes. And regardless whether she is actually engaging conversation with myself or not, she is aware of this interaction and she is projecting. I am projecting subjective interaction with her, and she is responding.

KATRIN: Also she says, “I find I’m waking in the mornings with unexplained muscle aches, bumps and bruises. I feel much of this is happening while sleep walking. Could you help me understand that and the action of sleepwalking?”

ELIAS: Which is also associated with these extremes which she is generating. Let me express in reiteration, it is not the substance itself that is causing any of these actions, but her beliefs associated with it and the extremes that she is generating in this polarization that is generating many different expressions, which also is including this walking within sleep state and creating other experiences, which are expressions of this extreme that she is generating. They are all associated with this extreme, with the continuous pushing of energy and forcing energy in opposition to her expressed beliefs, and generating the force of energy in justification.

KATRIN: Can I ask you something in association with this coughing I had when you answered Ari’s question?

ELIAS: Yes.

KATRIN: This is pretty interesting, because it happens to me in daily life as well. Sometimes I assimilate energy from other people. For example, if somebody is very ill, I am a hypochondriac and I will think I will get it the next day. I am aware of that. Or I read in the newspapers things that I really don’t like, like in Iraq or other things. I try to accept it but still the fear comes up again. There’s an energy projected to me that I really can’t block, and this has happened to me in this conversation about Ari?

ELIAS: Yes. And in that, as you recognize, you may realize in the moment that you do incorporate a choice to be receiving energy or not. You are not a victim to the energies of any other expression of consciousness. But the reason that this occurs is that you are not paying attention to what you are receiving. You are automatically allowing yourself an openness, and in that openness, you are not always objectively prepared for what you are receiving.

In this, if you are aware of your energy and holding your attention to you, you shall much more efficiently automatically generate buffering. In this present now as you generated Ari’s question, your attention was not with you. It was concentrated upon Ari and her question. Whereas, were your attention to have been to yourself and you merely incorporating reciting the question by proxy but holding your attention upon you, you would have recognized the incoming energy, so to speak, and holding your attention upon you, you would have automatically buffered that.

KATRIN: That’s what I have to learn! (Elias laughs) In one of the transcripts you give a more detailed description of how to do that. I’ll try to find it.

I think our time is up, and I thank you very much. I’m looking forward to doing it again. It won’t be a year again. I think I wanted to be on my own for a while. Now I’m open to talk to Elias again.

ELIAS: Very well, and you have allowed yourself to open that door.

KATRIN: Thank you very much.

ELIAS: You may express my greetings to the other individuals along with my explanations to their questions. I may express to you encouragement in your movement, and remember, acknowledge yourself and appreciate what you ARE doing and what you have accomplished, my friend. And I express my appreciation to you also. In great fondness and friendship, au revoir.

KATRIN: Au revoir.

Elias departs after 51 minutes.

(1) The Buffer Exercise from 7/26/98:

ELIAS: ...Let me express to you that any other individual, any essence, any thing may project any energy to you, and in your acceptance you create an allowance, a recognition that this is an energy ball that another individual expresses to you, and it shall move forcefully toward you, but that you hold an energy field around you which is quite powerful, and this energy field holds the ability to transform any energy which is projected to you. Therefore, as you visualize this ball of energy projecting toward you and it propels forcefully and quickly to you, it also transforms into a bubble as it strikes your energy fields, and this bubble shall pop and dissipate. Therefore, another individual’s expression has not penetrated your energy field, for you have allowed your energy field to be a buffer.

This is not an expression of a lack of acceptance of another individual. This is an expression of the acceptance of yourself and your own ability and also the acceptance of other individuals in the allowance of any of their expressions, recognizing that these are their expressions which are motivated from their belief systems, but this needs not be affecting of you. For if you are accepting of self and of your own abilities and your own energy, the ball transforms to a bubble, and the bubble shall pop as easily and as effortlessly as a physical bubble that touches your finger and pops.

This IS your ability, and you may exercise this continuously. It is merely your belief systems that dictate to you that you shall be hurt or discounted or that you are inadequate or that you may not accomplish, and it is the perpetuation of these belief systems that allows you to accept the penetration of other individuals and the projection of their energy. You may be accepting in the allowance. It is unnecessary for the penetration.

©2008 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2004 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.