Wednesday, September 15, 2004 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Anonymous

(Elias’ arrival time is 14 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good morning!

ANON: Oh, good morning! (Elias chuckles) Well, I’m having a good day!

ELIAS: Very well!

ANON: I had a whole list of things I wanted to talk about, and I left it at work. So I just have to relax and ask whatever comes into my head.

ELIAS: Very well.

ANON: It has been an interesting time since we last talked.

ELIAS: And what interesting experiences have you generated?

ANON: A lot of relaxing, a lot of not worrying so much what other people think, and keeping my attention on myself. I tasted a deeper sense of that, what it means, and it has been lots of fun. It was also fascinating that whatever happened last time we talked seemed like it was something I wanted to happen, because I gave myself so much information from that half-hour. I’ve been seeing a lot of new things in my own experience, like noticing how much I worry about what other people are going think before I do anything or say anything.

ELIAS: And now?

ANON: Now it’s a little bit easier. I’m more accustomed to that. Although I don’t have that experience when I talk to you, but that will come later. (Elias chuckles)

I had a great experience, too, because I took some Ecstasy. At first I was worried it wasn’t going to work, because I was thinking a lot about it. Then I had this experience, walking around just being very aware of what I wanted, not pushing myself, because I realized I’m always very much pushing myself. That was part of what I was experiencing before, how I push myself to do things, and now I was just being there and noticing what I was feeling, not having the need to push anything, just being there. I’m still experiencing a lot of things and clearing a lot of things, so it was quite exciting.

I wanted to ask you, I’ve been getting these flashes of anger when I’m relating to my friend Christian. I’m not sure I’m understanding the message that I’m giving myself, and I’m not quite thinking it through. Can you help me with that?

ELIAS: What do you notice that triggers this anger?

ANON: (Laughs) Sometimes just seeing him! That’s the thing, sometimes he’s being this prick, and I’m like a spark ready to flash something.

ELIAS: When you view this individual, other than anger what is underlying that anger? What is the automatic response?

ANON: That there is part of him that needs help.

ELIAS: In what capacity?

ANON: A lot of help, that is my automatic response; in his choices and what he wants to do and his understanding of what he’s doing.

ELIAS: And what type of help do you perceive that this individual needs?

ANON: Making the right choices.

ELIAS: And what are the right choices?

ANON: (Laughs) Whatever I think is right for him, what is appropriate.

ELIAS: And what is appropriate?

ANON: Specifically or in general?

ELIAS: Specifically. What does he express in your perception that is inappropriate?

ANON: He expresses a lot of taking care of other people instead of taking care of himself.

ELIAS: And that irritates you?

ANON: Yes.

ELIAS: And do you recognize the reflection?

ANON: (Laughs) Wow, no, I had not recognized the reflection.

ELIAS: What irritates you is that you have so very often concerned yourself with other individuals and other individuals’ expressions and perceptions and choices, and have not allowed yourself to pay attention to your own choices and to directing yourself. This individual reflects that, and that is what generates this irritation.

ANON: I’ve noticed that a lot more but not with him, with other people. Whenever I felt that I was suppressing my choices, I could feel the anger coming out, which I haven’t felt in a long time. I’ve been in a very relaxed light mood, but I’ve been noticing that flash. I had noticed that it was me automatically stopping myself, but I had not seen it with him. Wow, it’s a reflection.

ELIAS: And this is the reason that you generate this anger.

What may be worthy of your evaluation is how you perceive this individual, what you perceive is needed to help this individual and what you perceive is wrong with this individual. For what do the choices of the other individual concern you and your choices? It is not a matter of what should be fixed with the other individual. The choices that he engages are his choices, and they are generated in association with his reasons and his beliefs. What is significant is that you are bothered by the other individual’s behavior.

ANON: Yes, and I have been fighting the idea about family relationships and why do we do that. I think part of what I’m seeing is that he’s not making a choice for his family, and I guess I was dismissing it because I usually don’t make a choice for my family. If I have a choice, I will make a choice for something else.

Can we talk a little bit about family and how I’m seeing family? I do sense a struggle in me, and I’m creating a lot of stuff with my sister and my mom in relation to that.

ELIAS: Offer specifics.

ANON: It has to do with what we do in the family, how much time and how much family comes first. My personal choice is that a lot of the time I don’t do that. A specific example would be my issue with my sister.

ELIAS: Which is?

ANON: She was getting divorced, and she had an issue with her ex-husband. She wanted the family to take her side, in my perception of it, but her ex-husband is my best friend. I made some choices based on what I was going through at the time. He started seeing someone else, and I met the girl and had a relationship with her. We got together and had lunch and stuff. My sister saw us, and then she wouldn’t talk to me. It brought up all this stuff about how she doesn’t perceive me as being a sister because I didn’t have her back, and my mother thinks the same thing. I’m a little bit disjointed now in my thinking about that.

ELIAS: Recognize also that there are strong beliefs concerning relationships, how relationships should be expressed, and loyalty is one aspect of relationships that is strongly expressed.

Now; in this, also be aware that in all of your interactions with other individuals, you are generating what is occurring. In each scenario with each individual, your energy is being projected outward and reflected in some manner with the other individuals that you are interacting with.

Let me express to you, this is one of the very precise elements of your physical reality that you occupy, in which in any particular moment as you are interacting with other individuals, you draw specific individuals to yourself to be interactive with to reflect some element of you.

Now; in this, this is the manner in which you offer yourself objective information concerning what type of energy you are expressing outwardly and what is influencing that energy. You are also expressing an energy of the influence of the belief of loyalty. You may be expressing that in a different manner, but it matters not. What is significant is that the conflict that occurs with yourself and your family concerning loyalty is the same expressed belief, choosing similar influences but directing them in different manners. Your sibling or your mother may be objectively expressing to you that you should be expressing this loyalty in association with them as family, and you in another manner are also expressing your belief concerning loyalty with the other individuals — your loyalty in friendship.

In this, as I express to you that other individuals reflect your energy, it is significant for you to pay attention to what expressed beliefs you incorporate and how they are influencing, and therefore realize what energy you are projecting. You also are projecting that energy of the influence of loyalty. You are expressing it with other individuals, but you also incorporate expectations.

Your family incorporates expectations of you, for you incorporate expectations of you and of other individuals. You incorporate expectations of yourself in association with loyalty in friendship and expect the family to automatically know that you also incorporate a loyalty to them for they are family. Therefore, in your expectation, it should be recognized by them. They should know your loyalty with them without it being expressed, and they should be understanding and allow you to incorporate your loyalty also in friendship with other individuals. You also express an underlying expectation that your family should be supportive of you, and they are reflecting that energy in expecting you to be supportive of them. These are all reflections, my friend.

If you are examining these beliefs and the influences of these beliefs, allowing yourself to be accepting of them and choosing in association with your preferences, trusting yourself, being accepting of yourself in your choices and not projecting expectations of yourself or of other individuals, the reality changes, for you alter your energy, and it is received differently. But as you continue in automatic responses, you do not allow yourself objectively to recognize what you are actually doing, what you are actually expressing and what influences of what beliefs are being expressed. Therefore, conflict ensues, and you become confused or you become irritated. That perpetuates the expression of expectations of yourself and of other individuals.

If you are accepting of yourself, trusting of yourself, expressing your own freedom, recognizing your own choices, directing yourself and expressing a confidence in your choices, it is unnecessary to be generating expectations. If you are not expressing expectations, you are not projecting an energy that is received and perceived by other individuals as threatening.

For the most part, as any individual expresses an energy of expectation to any other individual, the individual receiving that expectation automatically generates some type of threat in that energy, and there is an automatic response of repelling. But if you are allowing yourself to express your choices in association with your beliefs and you are not generating expectations, the energy changes and that element of threat disappears. Therefore, other individuals receive that energy much differently.

Even in your interaction with your friend, what is being generated is an energy of competition. For in association with the belief concerning loyalty, this sets into motion a projection of energy of competition between the different individuals, which is perpetuated by your association with the belief of loyalty and your expectation of yourself that you should be expressing a loyalty to your friend but you also should be expressing a loyalty to family — but in this, you lose you. For you are concerning yourself with the expressions and the choices of all of the other individuals and attempting to express what you think intellectually, that you should incorporate the ability to express your loyalty to all of these individuals, but that influence is not being expressed. That is an influence of the belief of loyalty, but that is not the influence that is being expressed.

The influence that is being expressed is that you may be expressing loyalty to one direction. Therefore, the influence is that you must choose one direction or the other direction, and regardless of what you think that you should incorporate as an ability, that is a glimpse of another influence of the same belief. But without recognizing what you are actually doing, how can you choose? The manner in which you recognize what you are actually doing is by paying attention to WHAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY DOING and what you are experiencing in signals.

You engage meeting with your friend, but there is an underlying hesitancy, for that belief concerning loyalty is being expressed. In meeting with your friend, there is an underlying twinge that you are being disloyal to your family. But you ignore that, and in ignoring that, you create somewhat of a restriction within yourself in interaction with your friend. As you incorporate meeting with your friend and his friend, that loyalty is triggered more strongly, and it becomes a type of juggling action in which in this moment you are expressing your loyalty to your friend and incorporating the action, THE DOING, of attempting to appear to be the good friend by being accepting of his friend, which is also an expectation of yourself, a should, concerning what good and right behavior is in association with friendship. But in any particular moment what is being expressed is that your loyalty may only be expressed in one direction in one moment.

In the moments that you are interactive with your family, you can allow yourself to express your loyalty in association with them; in the moments that you are interacting with your friend, you can allow yourself to express your loyalty with your friend — but not all simultaneously. You must choose. That creates a conflict within you, and it creates an energy of competition. Therefore, what you generate is conflict, and in that conflict, you continue to attempt to be expressing right behavior in association with all of the individuals and therefore receive their approval.

But what you generate is quite different, for you are not generating the approval, for YOU do not approve. You are generating expectations, for YOU incorporate expectations of yourself and of other individuals concerning what is right behavior and what is not right behavior in association with relationships. (44-second pause)

Do you understand how the expressions of the other individuals are reflecting to you now?

ANON: Yes.

ELIAS: Now; express to me the example of what occurred in your interaction with your sibling subsequent to that encounter. What did she express and what did you express?

ANON: Right after the encounter, she said that if I wanted to meet with my friend’s friend, she didn’t want to know about it, that I should do it somewhere else.

ELIAS: And what did you express?

ANON: I just nodded. I didn’t say anything.

ELIAS: Now; this is an example of automatic responses and restricting yourself. The automatic response is retreat, for you are already in that moment expressing judgment of yourself. Therefore, in that judgment of yourself, you express the automatic response of retreat, and you do not allow yourself to freely express yourself with the other individual. Do you want to be discontinuing interaction with your sibling?

ANON: No.

ELIAS: Do you want to be secretive?

ANON: No.

ELIAS: Do you want to be appreciating of your sibling and your relationship with your sibling?

ANON: Yes.

ELIAS: But you did not allow yourself to express that. You allowed the other individual to dictate your choices rather than expressing YOUR choices — allowing yourself to express your appreciation of your relationship with your sibling and to express your recognition of your loyalty with her, and that your friendship with other individuals does not diminish your relationship with her. But in not allowing yourself to express what you want — which is to be appreciating of your relationship with your sibling — in not allowing yourself to express what you want, you allow the other individual to dictate your choices, and thusly you become a victim in the situation.

This is what I am expressing to you and to many individuals in discussing with you examining what you want — not what you want the other individual to express or to do or how to behave, not what you do or do not want in association with another individual’s choices. You do not generate other individual’s choices, but you do generate your choices, and recognizing what you want is significant. What you want is to appreciate your relationship with your sibling and to incorporate the ability to express that and therefore generate harmony. That is not dependent upon the other individual and their choices or their perception. That is dependent upon what you choose and what you allow yourself. For what you choose and what you allow yourself to express in directing yourself, paying attention to what you want or what you want to express, in generating that type of energy, you automatically reflect that in equal strength to what you are reflecting now in conflict. (Pause)

Acknowledge your own power. Allow yourself to recognize that all of these different interactions that may be frustrating or conflicting or irritating, all of those expressions are being generated as reflections of the energy that you are projecting, which regardless of what is being reflected, you may recognize that you are projecting an energy in strength to be creating all of these reflections. That in itself reinforces your recognition of your power, and is, in your terms, helpful to you to recognize that that strength is present continuously. It is merely a matter of how you direct it and that you can direct it in different manners by allowing yourself different choices.

A different choice in the scenario with your sibling may have been to express your supportiveness, your acceptance and your appreciation of your sibling, rather than engaging the choice to retreat. You may recognize that engaging that choice would have generated a different outcome, for you would be directing of yourself rather than allowing the other individual to be directing, and also perhaps allowing yourself to express your genuine want to not be generating competition, that there is no competition, that you incorporate enough energy to be expressing appreciation of many individuals simultaneously, and that regardless of whether they choose to be interactive with each other or not and regardless of what their perceptions of each other are, that does not dictate your perception or your choices, and that none are diminished in the scenario regardless of your choice to continue to be interactive with all of the individuals.

But initially it is significant that you allow yourself to genuinely evaluate this belief concerning loyalty and allow yourself to accept that you do incorporate that belief, and it is expressed. It is not being eliminated. But how may you express that belief more efficiently? In allowing yourself to genuinely recognize that you are not actually generating competition if you are expressing loyalty to all of the individuals and one does not become more significant than the other. What is underlying that is your association with how other individuals perceive you and whether the other individuals approve.

Now; if you move yourself genuinely into an expression of approval of yourself, of your own choices, it is unnecessary to seek the approval of other individuals, and that also alters the type of energy that you project and allows you greater freedom. Are you understanding?

ANON: Oh yes. I feel like there’s a little more light into what I’m doing and into what I believe and what my truths are.

ELIAS: And perhaps that shall allow you much more freedom not to be struggling with yourself or forcing energy against your beliefs or attempting to ignore them, but rather empowering yourself in the recognition of them, allowing yourself to choose how they shall be expressed. The most significant factor is to pay attention to what you want and how you want to be expressing yourself.

ANON: I think I had a taste of that, and I definitely enjoyed it. (Elias laughs)

I wanted to ask you the orientations of my family, like my sister.

ELIAS: And what is your impression?

ANON: Is she intermediate?

ELIAS: Yes.

ANON: And my mom, is she also intermediate?

ELIAS: No, common.

ANON: Okay, that threw me for a loop! (Elias chuckles) My younger sister, is she common?

ELIAS: Yes.

ANON: And my father, is he common?

ELIAS: Yes.

ANON: Thank you.

ELIAS: You are very welcome.

ANON: Expressing my appreciation, it’s unfamiliar; all I want to do is cry.

ELIAS: I am understanding. It is unfamiliar to be expressing appreciation of yourself, and that is the most significant. For the appreciation of other individuals is a natural by-product of your own appreciation of self.

ANON: Thank you for dancing with me.

ELIAS: (Laughs) You are quite welcome!

ANON: I had fun.

ELIAS: And I shall continue.

ANON: Okay, cool. (Sighs) I have to go.

ELIAS: Very well, my friend, I shall be anticipating our next conversation.

ANON: Yes, me too.

ELIAS: I shall be offering my energy in playfulness and also in encouragement to you. As always in my appreciation of you, I express to you my lovingness, and in tremendous fondness, my friend, au revoir.

ANON: Goodbye.

Elias departs after 59 minutes.

©2007 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2004 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.