I’m Floundering in All This Relaxation
“I’m Floundering in All This Relaxation”
Sunday, August 22, 2004 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael), Margot (Giselle) and Howard (Bosht)
(Elias’ arrival time is 14 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
MARGOT: Good afternoon, Elias! (Elias chuckles) It’s so nice to hear your voice! I’m going to ask something right off that I tripped on on the weekend, which would probably be better if I were to ask it after I talk to you about some other things. But anyway, every so often — this happens to Howard and I both, and we’ve named them “sinus blow-outs” — suddenly for seemingly no reason at all, we’ll begin to sneeze and the nose runs like water. It will last about 24 hours and then it’s all gone, but it’s not very nice while it’s going on. When this happened to me yesterday, it suddenly dawned on me — I’ve always wondered what in the world this whole thing was about — it suddenly dawned on me that it’s the release of energy held.
MARGOT: I’m getting so clever, Elias! (Elias laughs) I can’t believe that it took me this long to do that. It might have been because I am getting so I am very aware of the energy that I’m holding that I should be able to release. But I don’t seem able to do so, so evidently my nose takes care of that for me. (Elias laughs) I think I’m over the worst of the sneezing part today and the coughing part, and I think that we can probably go right along with this.
ELIAS: Very well!
MARGOT: As you know because I’ve talked about it to you so much, and it seems like you’re always here on my left shoulder, I’ve been experiencing a very difficult time that I don’t seem to be capable of understanding, and because I don’t understand, I’ve spent a lot of the past months just muddling around and not knowing what the hell was the matter with me. So that’s what I’m going to address to today, for the most part.
In my thinking, I date this whole thing back to when we returned from Vienna in June. I was very tired, of course, but when I tried to put into words the way that I felt, the only words that I could find that would seem to describe it was that I’d left a piece of myself in Vienna. Since in Vienna you confirmed that my sense of having merged for a period of time with my focus there of Sophie, I’d like to ask if I felt like I’d left a piece of myself was because of the time I’d spent in merging with Sophie?
MARGOT: And that was all of it? I mean, this sense that I have that I left a piece of myself, that was just because I’d merged with her?
MARGOT: Then I guess the thing I want to ask next, does that always occur in a mergence? Do you always kind of feel like a piece of you is gone?
ELIAS: Not necessarily. It is dependent upon the action and how the individual may be merging with another focus, and whether they are aware and whether they are allowing themselves an objective recognition of the experience.
MARGOT: Because I did recognize what was going on, in fact I had really wanted it to go on and I kind of worked on completely absorbing myself, then it maybe had more of an impact?
MARGOT: I’ve been having something going on here a little strange that we have blamed on you (laughs) and had a lot of fun with it, but then when it just kept happening, I kept thinking well, maybe this is something else that’s really weird. The first time it occurred, late at night, I was here at my computer and I was putting together notes of things that I wanted to ask you about, so I really had you on my mind and everything was very much pointed in that direction. Suddenly, and I thought it was out of my computer, came electronic piano playing the William Tell Overture. It made me jump because I have the sound turned off on my computer; I hadn’t heard a sound on that computer for years! It seemed very, very strange, and so I finally decided that since I was concentrating at the time on what I wanted to be talking to you about, going over things in my mind that I didn’t understand and needed to have answers for, it was very easy to feel that that was you.
But then two or three nights after that, it occurred again. Then I got to thinking there’s something really wrong with the computer. Then the next time it occurred, I found that the sound was actually coming from a clock that’s next to the computer, only this clock is not fixed up to play sound. It’s never played sound before, but it’s a wonderful rendition of the overture from William Tell! Now, can you explain that to us at all? Is that you?
ELIAS: (Chuckles) I may express to you, initially that was a configuration of my energy.
MARGOT: Okay, and then after that?
ELIAS: Subsequently, it has been a projection of your own energy, which I may express to you my congratulations in an imaginative expression allowed, for this has been a configuration prompted by my energy. But in receiving that, you have configured energy in a manner to spontaneously generate this sound. The reason that you have incorporated this action is, in a manner of speaking, your own surprise device.
Now; this is significant, for in time frameworks in which you may be experiencing an intensity of confusion and perhaps even some doubt as to your action of transition, and also in association with your wonderings or your doubt of whether you are continuing to participate within physical focus, this is a type of manner in which you, yourself, may surprise yourself.
MARGOT: Whoa! Well, it certainly did work! (Elias and Margot both laugh) At the point that I felt it was you, which was the initial time and you said it was you, I thought that would be a very smart way that Elias may be saying that I have a connection to the Swiss Wilhelm Tell. Do I?
ELIAS: Known to that individual.
MARGOT: I wouldn’t have by any chance been his son Walter, would I?
ELIAS: No, not a family member.
MARGOT: I read up on William Tell after that, and found out a whole lot. I thought that could be what you were trying to get at me.
Now I want to go back to Vienna. It goes without saying that the sense of connection that I had with the town and my surroundings and with everybody that we were with there — Doro and Sebastia and Myranda and Gottlieb and Ari — it was just a fantastic thing! It was so interesting and so great to be able to feel that over those days that we spent there.
I was tired when I got home, but then there was something else that had been going on. Just before we went to Vienna, I did find somebody to be the accountant for our firm, and so I was fully retired, which had been a goal, as you know, for a long time. But I hadn’t remembered or I hadn’t understood that this was going to be something I was going to have to become accustomed to. There was no need for me to be involved in any way any more in the accounting, and I could kind of wash my hands and walk away — except it didn’t work like that because I didn’t have anything to do! That’s probably been the first time since I was 20 years old that I didn’t have anything to do. I really didn’t know that that had been such a big part of my life, to always have something to do.
All that I was experiencing at that time coincided with something else, that when I came home from the trip, I had decided that I was going to really, really begin watching me, paying attention to me, listening to what I say, watching all of my actions, and that I was also going listen to what my body wanted to say to me. I’ve been wanting to get into that aspect of it for some time, so that’s what I decided to do. It seemed that my body was saying it just wanted to rest more; it just wanted to sit still and be quiet and rest. I did that for a couple of weeks and it did feel great, and I really did like it. But then I got to worrying that I didn’t have anything motivating me; I wasn’t motivated to do anything, and that was the first time in my life that that had occurred.
This got to be a really big thing for me, and it still is because I’m floundering in all this relaxation and all this not having anything to do. I’m wondering why there is so much lack of motivation in my life. At first, I blamed it on the energy of the truth wave. I decided maybe it’s affecting me like this so that I just don’t have any energy at all. Can you speak to me about that?
ELIAS: Yes, which I may also express to you has been somewhat emphasized at your return from your visit within Vienna. The reason it has been emphasized is that while you participated in the interaction with all of the other individuals in relation to that trip, it was not necessary for you to be motivating or entertaining or expressing yourself in your own creativity, for you were participating with other individuals, and therefore, they provided you with activity.
At your return, that provision was no longer in play. Therefore, you were experiencing and continue to be experiencing what you term to be this floundering, which I may express to you is not very unusual. For although individuals express to each other and to myself quite regularly that they wish that they would be incorporating considerable money which would afford them time and that would offer them freedom, that is an idea. But in actually creating that time and therefore providing yourself with a type of freedom, what occurs is that the individual is unfamiliar with what their preferences are. Therefore, once they provide themselves with time and the freedom that time provides within your perception, you flounder, for you do not objectively incorporate a direction associated with your preferences. Therefore, you are quite correct in your assessment that what you create is you do not know what to do.
MARGOT: (Laughs) That’s right!
ELIAS: Now you incorporate the time, in your terms, to do what you want, but you do not understand what that is, for you have not allowed yourself to familiarize yourself with your own preferences and your own...
MARGOT: I thought I had done that, but obviously I haven’t.
ELIAS: Very well. Express to myself, what are your preferences?
MARGOT: Well, I have a lot of projects here at home that I’ve put off for a long time because I didn’t have time. Now I have all the time in the world and I really would like to get the projects done, but I don’t! So I guess I haven’t arrived at the point of really knowing what it is that I want to be involved with or to be doing, so to speak.
ELIAS: What projects do you want to be accomplishing that you have not incorporated time to be accomplishing previously?
MARGOT: There are quite a few of them. I want to get things rearranged in my office and in the rest of the house. I want to clean out a bunch of things, and sometimes I think it’s going to drive me nuts because I don’t get at it. But I’ve really liked just sitting! (Laughs) I did express to Howard on the weekend — we were talking about things like this — and I said that about all I want to do, I really want to do, is just take trips. I love to be on the road. In fact, in my entire life I have said that the one thing I really hoped I’d be able to do some day is just be on the road. We have gone on a couple of small trips since we came back, just one night here and one night there, and I love it. But we can’t do that all the time. That’s what, I guess, I’m messing around with, is frustration over not doing what I had planned to do when I had the time, and frustration over not being able to just be on the road.
ELIAS: Now; in this, recognize that you are also to an extent generating your own polarization.
MARGOT: Yes. We’ve recognized that.
ELIAS: And in that, you are creating an atmosphere within yourself of either/or.
Now; the either/or in the polarization, which are extremes, is what generates this frustration. What you are expressing is you express that you want to be accomplishing these projects, but the projects are not fun. They are work.
MARGOT: That’s right. They’re just things that need to be done.
ELIAS: Or that you should do. That creates a perception of work and tediousness, and although you may appreciate the outcome of those projects, the engagement of them, the process of them you do not perceive to be fun.
MARGOT: That would be true!
ELIAS: Conversely, you do not necessarily appreciate or like the outcome of your trips for they end, but you enjoy the process, which is the trip.
Now; in this, what may be significant and helpful to you is to allow yourself to recognize your preferences in many different directions, and allow yourself to generate a balance in creating fun and appreciating the process of whatever you are doing, and also allowing yourself a satisfaction with the outcome.
MARGOT: Okay, I think that kind of puts a different slant on it, and I get that. I just haven’t been allowing myself to move into that space.
ELIAS: Let me express to you, it is not as black and white as you have been perceiving it to be. In this, you may choose one of your projects, but not focus upon it so intensely, and incorporate other actions also within the time framework that you are engaging one of your projects and generate a fun experience. Also, allow yourself the flexibility to be engaging different aspects of each of these projects in a fun manner, in a time framework in which you shall allow yourself to continue to be experiencing fun, which may be merely one-half of an hour of your time. That may not accomplish the completion of the project, but it allows you to engage some aspect of it in a playful manner, allowing you to incorporate fun and accomplish some aspect of the project, and also generate a satisfaction with whatever you accomplish in that time framework.
MARGOT: Yes, I understand that, Elias, and it would give me hope that I will eventually complete whatever project it is, because I’ve kind of lost all hope at this point.
ELIAS: But the point is to generate a process that you appreciate and that is fun. This is the reason that you incorporate disappointment at the completion of any of your trips, for now you have generated the outcome, and what was significant and fun for you was the process.
HOWARD: In that regard, I remind Margot that when I first knew her, she was very involved in the processes of several things going on, writing newsletters, being involved in a lot of things, and there were many strings out there or ropes or paths or whatever.
ELIAS: Correct, which is also what you generated in Vienna, allowing yourself naturally to interact and to interconnect and to project yourself in many different directions simultaneously, and that generates fun.
HOWARD: Yes, that’s correct, and she’s not doing that now.
HOWARD: Back to you, Margot!
MARGOT: Since we’ve been talking about the trip in Vienna, during the night that I did merge with Sophie, I felt very sure that she told me that Sophie’s husband, Archduke Franz Karl, was the focus of Bosht. But then when Myranda and Gottlieb asked you about that, you said this wasn’t true. It has occurred to me that the husband of Sophie could have been a focus of my first husband in this focus now.
MARGOT: I kind of thought I had the wrong husband! (Laughs with Elias) Was Bosht even there in that timeframe, in Vienna?
MARGOT: I’ve never asked you some things about my first husband, whom I called Mac, so I’d like to know now how many focuses I’ve shared with him. (Pause)
ELIAS: One hundred twelve.
MARGOT: Wow, that’s more than the ones I’ve shared with Howard!
ELIAS: I may disagree with you, for you have also altered that numbering. I am aware that you have inquired previously of the number focuses that you incorporate together, but in the interim time framework you have altered that.
MARGOT: To what? It was 92. What is it now?
ELIAS: Shall you offer an impression?
ELIAS: No, more! (Everyone laughs)
HOWARD: Well, the actual question I asked was intimate relationships.
ELIAS: And this is what I am referring to.
MARGOT: So are we going to have to mess around with this, or are you just going to tell us? (Elias laughs) We have altered that to how many more?
ELIAS: I may express to you more than 300.
MARGOT: Oh my goodness! Cool! I’ve got a question for you along that line now that I wasn’t going to ask until we got to the end of this. We’ve had quite a bit of fun, or at least I have, at our house because of the fact that Bosht has had so many focuses in which he’s killed a lot of people. (Elias laughs)
HOWARD: I’m laughing, too!
MARGOT: I’ve identified two so far of mine in which that was the case, but I think there’s a lot more. Can you give me a count on how many times he’s killed me?
ELIAS: Ah! Interesting question! (Margot laughs) And offer your impression, first of all.
MARGOT: Oh, I should have known you were going to say that! (Elias laughs) I’m getting 42.
ELIAS: Ha ha ha! Slightly more.
MARGOT: One hundred forty-two?
HOWARD: SLIGHTLY, Margot. Like 48?
ELIAS: (Laughs with Margot) Fifty-two.
HOWARD: And that’s a shamanic number! That’s an end of a cycle! Cool!
ELIAS: Quite an end of a cycle! (Laughs) Or several!
MARGOT: Anyway, we’ve really had fun, because he really has killed a lot of people! I’d like to ask, too, he feels that he was part of the group that massacred or murdered or assassinated the Romanov family.
MARGOT: He can see that in his mind.
HOWARD: Yes, the whole cellar incident and the whole thing, yep, I can see that.
MARGOT: Let’s move on a little bit. I’d like to ask you about the sense of relationship that I had with the group in Vienna, these five that I had said before. I feel that I have a sister focus with Ari, and perhaps also that I have been her parent.
MARGOT: And how many times have I shared a focus with her?
MARGOT: Oh, cool! I know that Myranda and I have already identified some of the focuses that we’ve shared, and I also sense I’ve been her parent and perhaps a sister. Can you give me the count on that, how many times I’ve shared with her? (Pause)
MARGOT: I want to ask you the same about Gottlieb. I feel I’ve been a parent as well as a mate to him, at least. (Pause)
MARGOT: And Doro feels very much like a brother, more than anything else. (Pause)
MARGOT: And also focuses with Sebastia? I feel a sister one, I’m sure. (Pause)
MARGOT: Thank you very much! Those counts would certainly help me to understand the sense of connection I had there. It was wondrous!
One night recently, as I do quite a bit of the time, I got several projections from individuals that I know who have disengaged. That night, I could identify all except one, who appeared to me in the projection to be a young man. I felt that I knew him, I just couldn’t really put a tag on that. I’m wondering if this could have been Ingomar/Lyryn.
MARGOT: I’ve gotten interested in a book that talks about a ship by the name of the Lady Julian. The title of that book is “The Floating Brothel,” and it’s about a ship that sailed from England to Australia in about 1789, with a load of female convicts. I feel I was on that boat. Would that be true?
MARGOT: I’ve always been so attracted to the stories about the life of the Marquis de Sade. Did I have a focus that knew him or was I connected to him in some way? (Pause)
ELIAS: Yes. You incorporate a focus in that time framework that is known to that individual.
HOWARD: Would that be the lady that facilitated his writing in jail?
ELIAS: No, but known to the individual within that time framework.
MARGOT: We had an interesting incident on our way back home from Vienna when we had a layover of several hours at the airport in London. Because we had quite a bit of time to spend there, we found ourselves a place at a cafe where we had a good look at everybody that passed by. Our attention was immediately drawn to a young woman, I would say in her early thirties perhaps, who walked around with a kind of dream-like expression in her eyes, except that it was very pure and child-like. She had her hands cupped, her eyes were mostly all the time raised upward, and she talked and talked and talked to somebody that she could feel or see. It would have been very easy to just walk away and dismiss her as a mental case of some sort — and perhaps she was, I have no idea — except for this innocence about her, and this pure quality to her. It was just wonderful to watch and behold. Can you tell us anything about her?
ELIAS: (Chuckles) And what would your impression be?
MARGOT: My perception was that she actually knew exactly what she was doing...
MARGOT: ...that she knew who she spoke to, and also that she was very happy with her life there in the airport. It became clear that she spends most of her time there. She has a little boy about 10 who roams the airport. I guess he spends his days there, too. He would run back and find her every so often, and light a tobacco for her and whatever she needed to have done. They were both completely at ease.
ELIAS: And do you incorporate any impression as to a connection of this individual? (Elias looks amused)
MARGOT: Between her and us?
MARGOT: Well, there must have been a connection there because we couldn’t take our eyes off her. It’s been a thing about the trip that I haven’t been able to put aside or to forget or just even to call strange.
ELIAS: Now; in all of your investigating and your discoveries of other focuses, what would you express in impression concerning this individual and who this individual would be connected to?
MARGOT: Oh, I’m getting something right now. Vicki/Lawrence?
ELIAS: The other half.
ELIAS: HA HA!
MARGOT: My goodness! She’s a focus of Mary’s?
ELIAS: Present, yes, and also engages counterpart action. In that counterpart action, that focus hears myself. In this focus, Michael does not hear my voice.
MARGOT: And the little boy? Would that be anyone in the group that we’re aware of in the Elias group?
ELIAS: Not yet, no.
HOWARD: Is the boy one of the Rose children?
HOWARD: Did you say that this woman fears your voice?
ELIAS: No! This woman HEARS my voice.
MARGOT: Well, she sure likes it! (Elias laughs) She just has the most beautiful expression on her face!
HOWARD: She reminded me of, I guess, myself, ranting to the walls and listening to the windshield. That’s why I was attracted to the interchange that was going on. She was pointing to her abdomen. Apparently there’s much distress going on there, or something that she felt deeply. She was pounding on her stomach or body.
MARGOT: What was that, Elias? Is she ill?
MARGOT: Well, it’s a great way to spend a lot of time in an airport! (Elias laughs) But that’s really interesting. I guess the connection that we felt with her and the sense that we got from her would be explained by the fact that we know her, and you. Wow! (Elias chuckles) That’s kind of like the surprise of the year, Elias!
Okay, I’ve made notes and we’ve taped this, and I’m going to listen to it a lot more.
HOWARD: You have one more thing to say, Margot.
MARGOT: I have one more thing to say?
HOWARD: The Harvey Girls.
MARGOT: Oh! Yes! A couple of weeks ago, or a weekend ago, Howard and I decided to drive over to a place called Winslow, which is about 60 miles east of us. We went over there because of our attraction to the architect Mary Colter who was the designer and architect for the old Fred Harvey Hotel over there that’s been in existence for such a long time. We simply loved it! The atmosphere of the whole place was just magical. Going through all this and who Mary Colter was, I felt very strongly that at one point I was what was called a Harvey Girl, who worked in the Fred Harvey Hotels in the West as the railroads were being built. They were waitresses and hostesses, and prostitutes quite a bit of the time I’m sure. I think I’m one of them.
MARGOT: I also brought a name through that I can’t find in the book that I bought on them. The name I got for me was Eileen.
MARGOT: Would that be an Irish name?
MARGOT: I’ll work on that. Thank you for that very much, because I’ve been trying to spot...
HOWARD: There is a picture in the book, right inside the front cover, which is identified as “anonymous,” next to a known person, and she said, “That’s me.”
ELIAS: Correct. And you also!
HOWARD: I’m the counterpart there in the picture? (Elias laughs) Wouldn’t that be funny? Or, thank you very much! We were girlfriends, and we probably enjoyed each other!
ELIAS: Yes. (Everybody cracks up)
HOWARD: How cool is that?
MARGOT: That’s cool, Howard!
HOWARD: Well, thank me for asking! (Elias laughs) We also have one other loose end in Mary Colter herself. We both think that’s a focus of Fran/Sandel.
MARGOT: Yes, she also thinks so!
HOWARD: Well, I’ll be darned. I didn’t kill Eileen in this focus, right?
ELIAS: (Laughs loudly) No. (Howard and Margot laugh) But you incorporate plenty of other opportunities! Ha ha ha!
HOWARD: (Laughs) That’s wonderful! Okay.
MARGOT: Well, this has really been a lot of excitement and a lot of fun, Elias.
ELIAS: Ah! Remember this fun as you incorporate your projects, and generate fun in the processes.
MARGOT: I’m surely going to try that.
ELIAS: Incorporating more than one process simultaneously. Ha ha ha!
MARGOT: Okie-doke! I’ll work on that.
ELIAS: Very well! And I shall be offering my energy to you in tremendous encouragement and also in playfulness, to be reminding you! (Chuckles)
MARGOT: Did you have something else to say, Howard?
HOWARD: Just completely off the wall, since Fran brought it up in the first place. She and Vicki loved the book “Mutant Message from Down Under,” and then Fran got put off by it. I think the book was accurate and correct, but she doesn’t. I guess my question is, quickly put, was this an accurate account of this lady’s journey in Australia, and is it true that the aborigines that she came across are disengaging themselves by selective non-procreation?
ELIAS: Yes to both questions.
HOWARD: So it was accurate?
HOWARD: Okay! Well, that’s all I have to say then.
ELIAS: Very well.
MARGOT: I think our time is about up, and once again, I thank you so much, and you certainly made my day and perhaps even my life! (Elias laughs)
Oh, there is one more little thing, Elias. I’ve been so depressed along with all of this, probably because of all of this that I’ve been trying to figure out, that one night I decided that I would just disengage. You and I have talked about how easy it is to make that choice, but I found out it’s not easy at all! I began to conclude that just because the objective may decide it wants to disengage, it has to be in harmony with the subjective.
MARGOT: It also occurred to me that there’s a situation or an element of emotion involved in that, and the objective may be in an emotional state but the subjective would not, of course, be. Is that true?
ELIAS: At times, yes.
MARGOT: Well, anyway, I couldn’t do it; I was still alive the next day!
ELIAS: (Laughs) Remember, what you think may not always be accurate!
MARGOT: Yes, I found that out!
ELIAS: Very well. I shall be prodding you with playfulness.
MARGOT: Good! (Elias laughs)
ELIAS: As always, to each of you in great friendship and tremendous affection, au revoir.
MARGOT: Au revoir.
Elias departs after 56 minutes.
(1) Margot’s note: The other woman’s name was Della Cameron Cater.
(2) Howard’s note: We were in the Vienna airport waiting for our flight to be called. We arrived two hours earlier and had nothing to do. It was five-thirty in the morning. Margot had left her cane-walking-stick at the Hotel and was stressing about it. We were soon distracted by this young lady walking back and forth talking to herself. She had a child, a boy about tenyears old, who was sitting at a table in the cafe there, who seemed to be taking care of her. Hed order coffee, light cigarette for her and then would run out to his mother and get her to sit down and be calm for a moment or two.
This went on for at least an hour. We watched this and we agreed that this lady was channeling someone. It was really remarkable.
©2007 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2004 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.