Talking About a Concern
“Talking About a Concern”
“An Appreciation Game”
Wednesday, September 24, 2003 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Daryl (Ashrah)
Elias arrives at 7:50 AM. (Arrival time is 17 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
DARYL: Hello! First time in my new place.
ELIAS: (Laughs) Congratulations!
DARYL: Thank you. I guess I want to do some little stuff first and then get down to some nitty-gritty kind of things.
ELIAS: Very well.
DARYL: The first thing is I got the name, that’s the translation, I guess, of an 11:11 focus, Consequan.
DARYL: I got that a couple of times and I felt like I was drawing my attention to it. Is there something going on with that particular focus?
ELIAS: In what capacity?
DARYL: I don’t know, just some reason I would be drawing my attention to that one out of the three that I know about.
ELIAS: In offering energy to you in a calming capacity.
DARYL: Oh, that’s nice! I haven’t felt like I really connected with the 11:11 dimension this week, but that’s my third focus that I’ve found there. Do I allow more of a connection with that dimension?
DARYL: Do I have a lot of focuses there? I know of three.
DARYL: So I have like maybe hundreds or something?
ELIAS: Quite a number, yes.
DARYL: I was investigating an artist named René Magritte, who, among other things, seems a little shifty to me, because he has a drawing and a statue of a man whose torso is made of a birdcage with birds in it. I was thinking that I was possibly observing essence to him, and then I noticed that his wife is named Georgette. I’m wondering if I’m either directing or observing essence of Georgette.
ELIAS: Observing essence, yes.
DARYL: I also wanted to check about being observing essence to the poet Anne Sexton.
DARYL: And the poet Edna St. Vincent Millay?
DARYL: And philosopher George Berkeley?
DARYL: I found that amusing also because he has theories that I thought were kind of off base about objects not really existing except in your perception. (Elias laughs) I think that’s pretty cute that I’m observing him.
I have new landlords where I’m living now, and I wondered if I share a focus with them where I am their child in Italy.
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
DARYL: Do we own or work in a restaurant?
DARYL: Could you give me maybe a timeframe on that?
ELIAS: Sixteen hundreds.
DARYL: Wow, that’s earlier than I thought. Thanks.
I was trying to figure out how many focuses I share with you and I got 36, but I was wondering if that was one of my math puzzles rather than the actual number.
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
DARYL: Wow, that’s more than anybody else I know so far! (Elias laughs) Boy, I guess I’ll have to start looking around for you because I only know one of them. (Elias chuckles) You want to maybe give me one to investigate?
ELIAS: (Laughs) I shall leave this to you!
DARYL: Well, it was worth a shot.
ELIAS: You are quite adept at discovering other focuses! Ha ha ha!
DARYL: I just kind of assumed that I didn’t have a lot with you. Okay, I’ll be looking, then.
I was wondering about the number of my focuses that hold the orientation of soft, and I got the number 78.
DARYL: Really? Wow, that’s a lot.
Someone has been playing with my cell phone, and I wondered if that’s Patel.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) Yes, you are correct.
DARYL: Is he also the one that was playing with the fire alarm in the hall outside?
ELIAS: (Laughs) Yes.
DARYL: I thought I’d felt him around a lot.
ELIAS: Quite a jokester!
DARYL: Yes, he is. (Elias laughs) In terms of the facilitating essences, I’ve wondered if when I see bird fluff or other stuff that’s floating in the air near me, is that an interaction with Ruburt? (Pause)
DARYL: I’ve noticed that I’ve been sneezing a lot since I moved into this place, and I wondered is that just kind of a general fear thing that I’m doing?
ELIAS: In association with what?
DARYL: I don’t know. I’ve just noticed that I’ve been sneezing. I haven’t noticed any particular context.
DARYL: It certainly is unfamiliar here. (Elias laughs) I also noticed some aching in my hips, and I was wondering if that had to do... I don’t know. First I thought it was having to do with movement, but then I realized that it was taking place in the company of someone that I had the relationship with. So maybe it has to do with relationships?
DARYL: Something to notice when that’s going on?
DARYL: I haven’t noticed what it is yet, except that my hips hurt! (Laughs)
ELIAS: (Chuckles) Pay attention to the energy that you are expressing in those moments.
DARYL: I have a question from Oona. I’m going to read what she wrote. It’s kind of a two-part. “Do I have a focus as Pashi, the wife of Kalidasa?”
DARYL: The second part is, “If so, does she murder him and then go mad with a broken heart and kill herself?”
DARYL: She did make a comment that that was such a Vold drama! (Elias laughs) She thought it was very her to do something like that.
I have a question from Fontine that goes, “I would like to know if I’ve accomplished some openings in engaging my empathic sense with other people.”
DARYL: Do you have any other...? Just a yes?
DARYL: Now comes the nitty-gritty part. (Elias laughs) I’ve been having another round of activity in the yellow energy center and the breathing difficulty, and I’m trying to figure out once again what it’s about. It seemed to me that in large part it’s been about leaving the familiar, regarding taking down the energy blocks.
DARYL: Does it also have to do with not expressing self?
ELIAS: Yes, although I shall be acknowledging of you, Ashrah, for you have allowed yourself an attempt to be more expressive. Regardless that you continue to resist and you continue to limit that, you are attempting to allow yourself more of that type of expression.
DARYL: I have noticed, too, that now that I’m living in this new situation with people, I’m very aware of how much noise I make and stuff. It seems to me that one of the reasons I did that was to make myself more aware of not expressing self.
DARYL: Is the recent breathing difficulty also related to the group session this weekend?
ELIAS: And your impression?
DARYL: I know it’s happened several times with group sessions, so I think maybe it is. But I don’t really want it to be, because that isn’t over yet.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) Now; you are correct, but recognize that you are not subject or victim to yourself in this expression.
DARYL: So I can change it if I want to?
DARYL: Why do I do that? Is it because of the group energy and fear like before, opening to more energy?
ELIAS: Yes, an apprehensiveness.
DARYL: By the way, I told Nanaiis that I would warm you up for the group session. (Elias laughs) She appreciated that. So you can be all limber and ready when you get there.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) Very well!
DARYL: In terms of the energy block, one night when I was doing the yellow energy center stuff and I woke up, I saw... It’s hard to say — like an image. It was like I was surrounded by it, and I saw all these images of different objects and people kind of swimming around in this big mix, and that seemed to be the energy block. I also saw a door, and I was thinking that the door had to do with leaving that expression. Is that correct?
ELIAS: Yes, offering yourself an opening.
DARYL: Is that pretty much open to me, or is there more to do in that area?
ELIAS: It is open to you if you are allowing yourself to relax and to trust yourself.
DARYL: I also had the impression that I really wanted to pretty much move through that before I had my session today, even though that hasn’t happened. Is that correct?
DARYL: I’ve also wondered if I need to offer myself some more choices in how to do that, because I seem to be scared of the ways that I have available to me so far.
DARYL: I don’t know. I keep on thinking that I’m going to do it, I’m going to take it down and then move on, and then I don’t repeatedly, which I assume is due to fear of leaving the familiar. Is there some way to generate more choices that would allow me more movement?
ELIAS: It is partially associated with the fear of moving beyond the familiar, but it is also partially associated with an apprehension of continuing the familiar. You are generating a type of struggle in two directions with the same expression, the familiar experiences being the common factor, generating an apprehension of moving beyond that but also of not continuing it. In this, you incorporate an apprehensiveness of continuing familiar experiences automatically and generating a circle.
DARYL: So, how do I stop being in the circle? The door, I guess.
ELIAS: You are beginning. I am aware of the energy and the expressions that you have generated in the time framework subsequent to our previous meeting and our meeting now. You have allowed yourself to begin to move in more of an expression of yourself and your freedom, and not denying yourself the freedom to express your preferences.
I am understanding, in that, that you continue to generate an apprehensiveness and somewhat of a fear of how that may be perceived by other individuals and how you may be perceived, and also some doubt of whether you are generating in right direction or not. But you are allowing yourself to move in that direction, despite the fear.
DARYL: I have been feeling kind of stuck, so it’s good to know I am moving some.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) As you continue to pay attention to yourself and to pay attention to the energy that you are expressing outwardly and to what you are actually doing, and trust yourself and allow yourself the freedom to express yourself, this shall become much more easily expressed with you. That shall generate that door opening more and more, and your movement through it.
DARYL: Have I, so to speak, not gone through that door so far?
DARYL: But I’ll probably know when I have?
DARYL: Will I let myself in on it? I know when I started leaving the box of fear, I didn’t let myself know for a while. That’ll probably be an expression of going out and coming back in, rather than just leaving?
ELIAS: This is your choice.
DARYL: But I could just walk out the door and not come back?
DARYL: I would like to do it that way, but I don’t always end up choosing what I think I want!
ELIAS: (Laughs) I may express to you, you may be identifying what you want, but it may be unfamiliar movement. It is significant to allow yourself to be aware of your own process.
DARYL: Yesterday I was just feeling really kind of depressed and defeated by the whole breathing thing again, like I can’t deal with going through it anymore. But I guess I just have to accept what I’m doing and hang in there.
ELIAS: And perhaps you may generate such a fatigue with this expression that you shall merely discontinue it.
DARYL: I tell you, I do have considerable fatigue at the moment! (Elias chuckles) Maybe that would be part of it?
DARYL: Is that part of what I’ve been doing the last couple of days?
DARYL: That’s interesting. I also know I timed it in a certain way so that it would be kind of convenient with other factors. It’s clear to me that this isn’t just happening willy-nilly. It’s very intentionally planned, I guess is what I’m saying.
ELIAS: I am quite understanding.
DARYL: Do you have anything else you’d like to offer me in that particular area?
ELIAS: Perhaps merely to pay attention to how exhausted you generate your energy. At times, you, in like manner to other individuals, continue an expression to the point in which you become so very fatigued with it and so fed up that you give up. (Chuckles)
DARYL: I guess that’s one way to leave the familiar, huh?
ELIAS: (Chuckles) I may express to you also, as I have previously, remember, distraction may also be a powerful tool.
DARYL: Sometimes I feel like I’m not paying attention to my messages when I’m distracting myself.
ELIAS: Not necessarily. At times, you are absorbing yourself with yourself to the point of such seriousness that you are analyzing to extreme, and that does not actually generate clarity. At times, you may be offering yourself much more of a clarity if you are distracting yourself and subsequently allowing yourself to evaluate.
DARYL: Like taking a break from myself?
ELIAS: In a manner of speaking, yes. (Chuckles)
DARYL: The other thing I wanted to talk to you about was something we discussed in the last session. I don’t have the tape yet but it has to do with the lump that I have, that I talked to you about. You indicated that I had what you called a dangerous path regarding that that was possible.
DARYL: After that session, I saw the woman that I had been involved with and I didn’t really discuss it with her. Then she broke up with me, and in a sense, I definitely was hoping that since that had happened that maybe it would just go away, because that probability or whatever wasn’t playing out. But then I realized that my attention was still pretty focused on it, even though I was trying not to think about it. Of course, that doesn’t have to do with attention, but I could feel my attention on it. I didn’t really talk to anybody about it, although I talked to Michael immediately after the session.
I have a couple of areas I’d like to discuss with you on that. One is that I found myself talking to Oona about it without really planning to. At that point, someone was like communicating through her, the focus I know, but it didn’t seem like that focus. I wondered if that was Oona, if she was expressing from essence when that happened.
ELIAS: Yes, an aspect of.
DARYL: An aspect of Oona?
DARYL: That was quite a different kind of experience. I was really rocked by a couple of the things she said, one of which was that I was worthy of love without doing anything, and the other thing was that I don’t have to die for love. So my understanding is that I believe that I have to die for love, at least for romantic love. Would that be accurate?
ELIAS: Somewhat — not that you have to, but you do incorporate a dramatic romantic belief that this is the ultimate expression of love.
DARYL: Oh, wonderful. And that’s playing in with this thing with the lump?
DARYL: I also talked with someone else about it, and she talked to me about payoffs that I get from breathing. Basically, what I’d like to talk to you about is this situation. I’m not sure if it’s helpful for me to talk to other people or to try to downplay it. I don’t want to give energy to it.
ELIAS: I am understanding, but I shall stop you at this point and clarify. For this is a common association with many individuals, that if you are discussing and expressing energy outwardly in association with a concern, you shall automatically be expressing energy to perpetuate what you do not want, and that is not necessarily correct. That is a very common belief in how individuals affect future probabilities and how they express energy, which is quite a misunderstanding and a distortion of what actually occurs.
Now; I may express to you the identification that if an individual is concentrating a tremendous expression of energy in a direction of what you identify as negativity — not merely in thought, but in their concentration — and generating communications to themselves that they are not necessarily paying attention to, they may be generating energy that shall be influencing in creating what they do not want. But that is quite different from what you are defining and what you are discussing with myself.
In this, many times if you are generating some manifestation which you express a concern of, it may actually be helpful to be engaging interaction and sharing with other individuals, for you offer yourself two avenues which are beneficial in that action.
One is that you dissipate holding to your own energy. You dissipate your own expression and actual concentration upon the manifestation, for your attention moves to the interaction rather than the manifestation. Therefore, the energy which is concentrated upon the manifestation is somewhat dissipated. You also generate a distraction, which also dissipates the energy.
The other expression that you generate is allowing yourself to offer yourself other information that may be shared by other individuals, for as you are aware, they reflect to you. But many of the reflections that may be offered to you, you may not necessarily present to yourself alone. Are you understanding?
ELIAS: In holding to your energy and holding your concentration to yourself, you actually begin to generate more of a concentration upon the manifestation and perpetuate it. Whereas, in interaction with other individuals, you offer yourself different perspectives.
DARYL: That’s a relief, because I’ve really been wondering what way to go with it. I didn’t want to lend it a lot of energy, but I’ve also been confused about the effects of talking.
ELIAS: I am understanding, and as I have stated, this is quite a common belief.
DARYL: Now, in terms of the woman I was involved with, does it make any difference if I discuss that with her? As I understand it, now I wouldn’t be going down that particular path since we’re not together.
DARYL: So it would be okay to talk to her?
DARYL: One of the reasons for my confusion also about discussing it with people is the concept of payoffs, because I know we get payoffs for different things. I know in some cases, like with my breathing, I’ve identified some payoffs. Is there a danger of me seeking concern and sympathy from other people when I’m discussing it?
ELIAS: Let me express to you, that is not bad.
DARYL: It isn’t?
ELIAS: No. Recognize that now. That is not bad, for YOU express within yourself a concern. Therefore, if that is reflected to you through other individuals, you are validating your own concern and you are offering yourself a reflection of your own caring of yourself. You may also surprise yourself and you may generate other expressions that may not necessarily be concern or sympathy, which shall also be reflections of what you are expressing within yourself.
I may express to you the suggestion that you pay attention and not discount, and recognize that some of the responses that you may generate in relation to other individuals are reflections of your strengths, also.
DARYL: What do you mean by that?
ELIAS: I am aware of the energy that you are expressing now. Therefore, in that energy and in interaction with some other individuals, you may generate what you view to be responses that are not of sympathy or concern, and those types of responses may be interpreted incorrectly in your automatic associations. Therefore, in preparedness for those possibilities, remember that some of the responses of other individuals may be reflecting your strengths and not to be misunderstood as a lack of caring.
I may express to you, you, in like manner to other individuals, are not always open to reflections of your own strengths, for what is familiar is fear and discounting of yourself. Therefore, it is easily doubted if you present yourself with a reflection of strength.
DARYL: I have noticed that I’ve been giving myself reflections of strength and of being a straight sapling and stuff a lot lately. So I guess I’m letting some of it through. (Elias chuckles)
One of the things that’s been happening also is that I keep getting sharp pains in the lump at times. I know that they’re telling me to pay attention to something, but so far I haven’t been able to figure out what I’m supposed to be paying attention to at those times.
ELIAS: Once again, pay attention to the energy that you are expressing outwardly, which shall also be somewhat, not entirely, accurate but somewhat reflected within your thought processes.
DARYL: So if I’m thinking something when that happens...?
ELIAS: Yes. This is also an opportunity to genuinely be paying attention to what you are actually doing in the moment.
DARYL: I’m trying, but it seems like I notice the pain, and by the time I notice that and I try to figure out what I was doing, it’s evaporated.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) I am understanding. But let me express to you, this noticing of what you are actually doing may be quite challenging, for many expressions are so very automatic that your assessment of what you are actually doing is generally to express to yourself you are doing nothing — but you are never doing nothing. (Chuckles)
DARYL: (Sighs) I don’t know. Is there anything else in regard to that that you’d like to add?
ELIAS: I may express that this is enough for your concentration presently.
DARYL: Going back to what we just discussed about dying for love, I guess I’m still... I don’t know. Aside from certain things, I’m clear about what’s standing between me and creating a relationship like I want, although I do have the sense that I’m backing down from that at the moment, in terms of trying to do anything right now. But I am trying to understand what’s in my way besides that I really do think that I co-create. That’s become really clear to me.
ELIAS: This is one quite strong expression and quite strongly expressed belief. Another influence is an expressed belief that you repeat past experiences, as we have discussed previously.
DARYL: Yeah, well, I just did repeat them again!
ELIAS: This is a strongly expressed belief.
DARYL: Is that likely the kind of... I can’t think of the word, but just going through that again, does it make it most likely that I’m going to keep doing that because I did it with more of an awareness?
DARYL: Kind of exorcising the demons?
ELIAS: In a manner of speaking. (Chuckles) Recognize that in that belief, there are many influences of that belief, not merely what you associate as negative. For, that belief also encompasses influences of generating repeated experiences that you assess to be positive.
DARYL: Aside from co-creation and my repeating past experiences, are there other things I should be looking at?
ELIAS: Those beliefs and your allowance of yourself to express yourself in acceptance and not acquiescing to the other individual, not following the lead of the other individual.
DARYL: That’s very hard for me.
ELIAS: I am aware.
DARYL: I feel like that’s kind of connected with my whole energy-block mode, because I feel like that’s dedicated to squashing me and my self-expression in order to feel safe or be acceptable.
DARYL: It’s a big part of how I’ve operated my whole life.
ELIAS: I am aware. (Pause)
DARYL: I see we have some time left. Again, partly in relationships but more in general, I’ve been trying to understand when I interact with somebody’s energy and I create from their blueprint.
Say that I’m doing that with somebody and I find that that person, to me, has a particular quality, and then perhaps some of my friends who also know that person will express that they find that that person has that quality, too. I guess what I’m wondering, although maybe it’s both, does that indicate that that is a quality of that person and their energy, or do I create my friends seeing the person that way because that’s how I see them? Do you know what I mean?
ELIAS: I am aware.
DARYL: (Laughing) Is there a short answer to that question?
ELIAS: I may express to you, you are creating the expression and the quality, so to speak, in association with the energy that the other individual is projecting.
Now; the element in that that is directly associated with you and your reflection involves timing and who you choose to be interactive with in what particular timing, none of which is an accident.
In each moment that you interact with any other individual, you have chosen to specifically engage that particular individual in that moment, drawing the energy of that individual in the moment to yourself in their projection of energy, configuring it in association with their blueprint but in a reflection of yourself. This is the immaculateness of your abilities and the perfection and the preciseness of how you draw energy to yourselves continuously.
DARYL: So if I’m trying to reflect certain qualities or aspects of myself back to myself, for instance, my lack of acceptance of self, then I’m going to go out and interact with an individual and draw that person specifically because of qualities of their energy?
ELIAS: In that moment, yes, and how they shall reflect it to you.
DARYL: Because that would be the most effective reflection?
ELIAS: Correct. That may occur with an individual that you objectively know well and consider a friend, or it may occur in a moment with what you deem to be a stranger, or it may occur with an individual that is an acquaintance. It may occur in many different manners. But whatever manner you choose, recognize that you have created that purposefully and precisely, and it is not an accident.
DARYL: When I think about what I’ve created in past relationships and the whole idea of repeating it and stuff, sometimes I feel like if it’s happening with one person, like it did recently, that if I go out and get involved with somebody else I’m just going to create the same thing again.
ELIAS: And that is your automatic association with that belief of repeating past experiences and focusing only upon the negative associations.
DARYL: But if I’m still in the same place, so to speak, even if I did start doing something with another person, I would very likely create the same thing, right?
ELIAS: Not necessarily. Remember, Ashrah, it is not necessary for you to believe some expression for you to create it. Believing is not necessarily associated with beliefs. Therefore, regardless of whether you believe that you shall automatically generate another negative experience for you have not dismantled this shrine completely, it matters not.
You may generate quite a different expression dependent upon where your concentration is directed. If your concentration is directed to you in association with your own movement and your own allowances of yourself, being aware of not waiting and following the other individual, it may move from the influence of the repetition of negative experiences. Are you understanding?
ELIAS: Therefore, regardless of what you believe, you may create differently.
DARYL: That also has to do with trust in self...
DARYL: ...and that that is possible.
DARYL: I’m also definitely having moments... It seems like this particular location, the place I’m in, which is on top of a hill, facilitates it. I really feel at some points like I’m creating not just this apartment but the entire East Bay in San Francisco, like I can feel it kind of flowing out of my perception, which is really powerful.
ELIAS: And perhaps you may generate your own individual game and express to yourself that it is good to be king! (Laughs with Daryl)
DARYL: That might be nice, because it is quite a different feeling than being the poor victim.
I just got that pain in my breast right now, while we were talking about it being good to be king. Can you tell me what I was supposed to pay attention to there?
ELIAS: Pay attention to the tension that you have been creating and the action of coughing. You allowed yourself a moment to incorporate an expression of fun and you immediately responded to yourself. You allowed yourself a moment of levity, and what did you create?
DARYL: I’m a hard taskmaster.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) Throughout this conversation you have been generating a seriousness, and you offer yourself one moment of levity and you immediately respond to yourself. You deserve to allow yourself to play, Ashrah.
DARYL: I think that has to do with what Patel’s been trying to do with me, too. (Pause)
ELIAS: I shall express to you an exercise that I instruct you to incorporate each day for a period of two of your weeks. In this, you shall incorporate a game with yourself. In each of your days, you shall move outside of your dwelling and incorporate the purchase of one small item as a gift to yourself each day. It matters not what it is. It matters not how small it is or what its expense is. It may be any item, regardless of how little its value may be. But the one requirement associated with the item must be that you must incorporate a smile.
DARYL: Uh oh! I’m in trouble now!
ELIAS: (Laughs) We shall move you into appreciation yet, and that door shall open! Ha ha!
DARYL: Well, I guess I’ll have to report back to you in Fresno, because I’ll be seeing you in physical proximity there.
ELIAS: Very well! I shall be anticipating that.
DARYL: Thank you for your assistance with my seriousness.
ELIAS: You are welcome. I shall continue to offer energy to you in prodding you in your playfulness. (In mock seriousness) I am aware of the difficulty of the task, but I am prepared! (Laughs)
DARYL: That’s good to know!
ELIAS: (Warmly) I express to you great affection, Ashrah, as always, and tremendous lovingness and appreciation. Accept that from myself until you may accept it from yourself. In ABUNDANT fondness, au revoir.
DARYL: Au revoir.
Elias departs at 8:53 AM.
©2006 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2003 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.