Preference, Perception, Judgment
Topics:
“Preference, Perception, Judgment”
Monday, June 9, 2003 (Private/In-Person)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Gillian (Ari)
Elias arrives at 12:43 PM. (Arrival time is 18 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
GILLIAN: Good afternoon, Elias. Are you well?
ELIAS: As always! (Chuckles) And yourself?
GILLIAN: Oh! I’ve been moving! I’ve been feeling like I’m just charging ahead with myself, creating quite a bit of imagery that I don’t quite understand, but I know the movement is extremely fast at this time in my life. So I’ll ask mainly about all the physical imagery that I’m creating.
I feel quite shaky all of the time. The last time I was here, I created an intensely painful injury, and C9 said that was a way of telling myself what intense pleasure I have in meeting everybody and being with everybody. But I created a similar injury, except it wasn’t as intense, this time around as well. I’m just trying to think why am I repeating the same thing? Can you give me any ideas on that?
ELIAS: And your impression? What are you paying attention to? What are you expressing to yourself?
GILLIAN: See, that’s where I get lost. That I might be repeating the same pleasurable thing and I’m telling myself that I am repeating that? Nothing in between has happened. It is a clear repeat of my being here. (Pause)
ELIAS: It is a matter of extremes. I am understanding the association that has been presented to you of the intense pleasure of interacting with many individuals within this forum, but the generating of the injury is not imagery associated with the pleasure.
Now; in this, you are generating extremes. You do experience a tremendous pleasure and appreciation of allowing yourself to be interactive with many other individuals in association with these groups, but you also express a guardedness in an extreme in association with what you question in relation to other individuals’ perceptions of you.
Therefore, in some aspects you allow yourself an openness to be interactive, but you also incorporate issues in association with certain behaviors that you incorporate that you perceive as questionable within other individuals — not that their action is questionable, but they may perceive your actions as questionable.
GILLIAN: That’s relating to my alcohol.
ELIAS: Yes, and that generates a guardedness. In questioning yourself and expressing this guardedness, you generate these types of physical affectingnesses as imagery to move your attention to how you are guarding yourself and attempting to protect yourself from what you speculate as to other individuals’ perceptions — which is YOUR speculation, not necessarily what other individuals are actually perceiving. But it is your judgment with yourself, and you generate physical imagery in similar strength to the expression of the belief.
GILLIAN: See, one of the things that I do feel, I feel very safe with the people around me because we can communicate with each other easily. I’m finding that very interesting that I am creating this sort of imagery for myself in being guarded when I don’t actually feel I’m being guarded objectively.
ELIAS: I am understanding. This is the point of these beliefs and what was being discussed in our group session, that many times individuals do not actually identify a belief which is quite influencing, and this generates confusion, for the belief is expressed and therefore it is evidenced in what you create.
Now; it also influences different actions, interactions, associations, even thought. Therefore, in a camouflage you may think that you are expressing this openness, but what you are actually DOING is contrary to that in some respects — not all, but in some — which is enough to move your attention and to generate your questioning.
I am understanding that you do generate more of a comfort and more of an allowance of yourself in openness with these individuals, for you do incorporate some sense of safety, but the belief has not been eliminated. It continues to be expressed, and as it continues to be expressed, it is influencing. Therefore, you generate imagery in association with it to allow yourself to examine it even in situations in which you THINK you are expressing a safety, to recognize that this belief continues to be an expressed belief and you generate a strong associations with it.
GILLIAN: I do. I’m aware of that, and what you’re saying to me makes sense. I feel, from the last time to come here again this time, I’ve been working with this same belief. I’ve been using the alcohol, and I believe that’s what I’m doing, is I’m trying to look at different aspects of it.
ELIAS: The different influences.
GILLIAN: Yes. I don’t know if I’ve got all the messages, but I know that this is one belief I’m actually working with. Sometimes I have gotten worried, but I would say for most of the time I’m aware this is what I’m doing. I’m aware that this is a substance that I use and I like to use it. I’ll use it for the rest of my life. It does not slow my movement down. It in fact quite often opens me and allows me to investigate into myself. Am I correct in that?
ELIAS: Yes, but you continue to express judgment, and the judgments are quite influencing of what you generate and how you view yourself, that there continues to be some element that is not quite acceptable.
GILLIAN: I remember now — I think it either my first session or second session — I was reading it and rereading it, because I was aware that this was what I was working with. And you are absolutely correct, because the part that you told me about other people’s opinions, my finger went straight to that, that was the thing, the area that I most feared.
ELIAS: Correct, and how you generate judgments in association with yourself. The struggle, Ari, is allowing yourself to move into a genuine expression of merely this is a preference, it matters not that this is a preference, it is acceptable that other individuals incorporate different preferences and that does not dictate that my preference is bad.
GILLIAN: It’s definitely a preference; I know that.
ELIAS: I am aware. But you incorporate judgments...
GILLIAN: On that preference.
ELIAS: Yes, and therefore the struggle is this intensity in energy of fighting back and forth between thought that you incorporate this as a preference and thought attempting to justify the preference — which is unnecessary — and the struggle with questioning whether the preference is in actuality good or not — the truths — and recognizing that these beliefs become so very absolute that they become truths to you. Therefore, regardless of how strongly you continue to express within thoughts to yourself ‘this is my preference; it is acceptable; I may continue to be generating this action without addressing to the belief,’ as I have stated, you may think and think and think!
GILLIAN: And this is one of my truths?
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: I believe I had a discussion with you the other night. I wanted to ask you, when I have spoken to you previously I feel a certain sense of formality with you and that possibly we didn’t have any focuses together. The message I got from you at that time — I believe that was you — you said to me, “On the contrary, my beloved,” and I was not ready to receive that information. I was closing you out; you were not withholding any information from me. Could you give me more on that?
ELIAS: (Chuckles) We do incorporate focuses together, and in this, another expressed belief that you incorporate concerns authority, and I am not an authority. This is what influences you to be guarded and more in the expressions of formalities, which is unnecessary, my friend.
GILLIAN: I know, and that is why it was interesting when you did speak to me. I thought it’s me that’s being formal about this and I don’t need to worry about it.
ELIAS: Correct.
GILLIAN: So now what I’m taking onboard is that it’s all right.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: Okay. That’s movement! (Both laugh)
I also want to know, because you said look at your beliefs, I find objectively it’s sometimes quite difficult to actually pinpoint my beliefs. I find that in my dream state, I wake up sometimes and say yeah, I was moving through a belief on that. Do I move through some of my beliefs because I’m intermediate?
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: So quite a lot of that movement is already happening within my dream state.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: I find now also that I am opening up SO much! Just in this session, my energy is opening up so much to allowing connections with other people, which wasn’t happening before, but it’s like a floodgate has opened. And I’m saying WOW! This is amazing! This is so amazing! Just this weekend, and my body in all its various signals of tingling and everything is just going crazy with it. (Elias chuckles)
One of the things I wanted to do was ask about a couple of focuses of mine — probably not a couple, quite a few. (Elias chuckles) I’ve been reading about this medieval traveler, Ibn Battuta. I believe he is one of my focuses or I am observing essence.
ELIAS: It is a focus.
GILLIAN: The connection with the actual writer, the person who has been translating some of his work as well as writing about following in his footsteps, I am now an observing essence of this writer, Tim Mackintosh-Smith.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: See what I’m saying? There’s no accident in what you pick up and what you learn! Just from yesterday while I was in bed I got a whole bunch. There were two people... Joe is Amir? I believe that is his essence name. Anyway, Joe, Nicole and I have really connected this weekend. All three felt very connected. I wasn’t getting anything during the day but just when I went to bed. I feel Joe and I have shared 16 focuses together.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: And Nicole, 18.
ELIAS: With you?
GILLIAN: Yes.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: And Joe, Nicole and I are together in the 1870s or whatever and we are moving further west in this continent as settlers. Is that correct?
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: Joe and I have quite a few focuses where we are soldiers or comrades, but there are several of them in that area.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: One of them, I believe it’s the Mohicans, where he is the son of the chief and I am the shaman.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: I haven’t given it a time period, but I’ll check into that. In the present timeframe, he has a Korean focus that is with one of mine.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: We were Civil War Union soldiers.
ELIAS: Correct.
GILLIAN: Nicole is my twin in the World War camps, where we were experiencing experiments happening to us.
ELIAS: Correct.
GILLIAN: And in my initiating focus, it was Joe that was my mother and she died quite early.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: During the French revolution, Joe is my lover and he was into executions, and I supported him fully in that.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: Nicole and I were lesbian lovers in Greece in 1300. This was a very happy and supportive relationship.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: One of the other things I feel with these two other essences is that these essences and I have in all our lives together being very supportive. They’ve not been conflicting lives. They’ve been very supportive and loving lives.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: Okay, that’s just from yesterday. It’s just opened the floodgates! You know, as farfetched as it seems, I put it down because I know it’s my impression! So there’s some truth in that. Now, with Baruch, I’ve connected with Baruch and Awan and feel very close to them as well. I came up with a number that all three of us together had 34 focuses.
ELIAS: Thirty-three.
GILLIAN: Separately I haven’t come up with a number yet where we are individually focused. For several of those focuses, they are my parents.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: One of them, which Mark’s come up with, is where he is Ramses II and Awan is Nefertari, I believe. (16-second pause)
ELIAS: Continue in relation to your...?
GILLIAN: They are my parents.
ELIAS: Those FOCUSES are your parents.
GILLIAN: In that life?
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: I’m a high priest and I’m getting name something like Meti.
ELIAS: This is what may be being viewed as a pet name.
GILLIAN: For me?
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: I think, as well, Elias, the energy within me and my hands shaking so much, that seems to be increasing a lot, is that because I’m opening up more?
ELIAS: Partially, for you are allowing yourself more of an opening that also is somewhat shaky. (Grins)
GILLIAN: It gets really difficult to lift objects to my mouth or to write. I notice right now I couldn’t even write because my hands were shaking.
ELIAS: This is a tension.
GILLIAN: So I’ve just got to relax and allow it to come through.
ELIAS: Yes. You are generating a tremendous tension within your physical body consciousness and that is generating the trembling, the shaking, which is also objective imagery of a reflection of this uncertainty within you in relation to this openness, for it is unfamiliar.
GILLIAN: Yes. I feel I’m in a really unfamiliar place at the moment, but at the same time I’m unwilling to go back to the familiar. I want to continue with the unfamiliar.
ELIAS: I am understanding, but this also is unfamiliar in association with your orientation. You are expressing an openness in association with many other individuals, which in regard to your orientation is unfamiliar also.
GILLIAN: Could you explain that a different way? Is it because I’m intermingling with other orientations?
ELIAS: Not necessarily, although that is a factor for that is unfamiliar also, attempting to translate these other languages. But individuals that incorporate this orientation, generally speaking, express more of a comfortableness not in groups of individuals.
Now; this is not to say that you may not be interactive in groups of individuals and generate a comfortable expression, but it is unfamiliar. That also influences your guardedness at times, for that unfamiliarity of expressing that exposure in groups of individuals generates somewhat of an apprehension.
GILLIAN: Okay. Just checking some of the other impressions I got... With Baruch and Awan, I feel that they are my parents in which I am a twin child. I haven’t got a date on that.
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
GILLIAN: And also another focus where I’m a conjoined twin.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: Would that one be in the past? I’m thinking the original Siamese twins.
ELIAS: No, although you do incorporate being an observing essence to one of those twins.
GILLIAN: Oh! So I’m getting information that is superimposing into what my own focus is?
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: I have a focus with Magnus in Salisbury, building the Salisbury cathedral, where we are brothers, Bertram and David, but I also feel that Baruch is another brother of ours whose name is Rowan.
ELIAS: Correct.
GILLIAN: Mark gave me this impression of his, that I am Lady Xoc of the Mayan kingdom, as his wife.
ELIAS: Correct.
GILLIAN: The other one is that I am Paris in the story of the Trojan war.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: Mark and I share a focus in Atlantis, the same one that has been suggested to be the point of pyramid, the fifth point of the A-N-D pyramid.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: Oh, yes, Awan has a question she wants to ask. Is Constance Wilde a focus of hers?
ELIAS: No.
GILLIAN: Not even observing essence — there is no question?
ELIAS: No.
GILLIAN: I wanted to ask, am I counterpart to Frank M./Christian?
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: I got that while I was driving up. Because whenever I go through this intermediate thing of being quiet or not doing anything, it always seems like when I’m ready to come out, he’ll send out a message which is really hilarious and he seems to time it perfectly. There’s something definitely there. This man knows exactly when to go and give me a good shot of it! (Elias laughs)
I’ll probably come back to some of the focus stuff again, but I want to ask some questions for Lauraine. She’s moved to the Middle East. Even though it’s a warm climate, she has something happening with feeling very cold, and she was hoping that you’d give some information on that for her. (Pause)
ELIAS: I may express the suggestion that the individual incorporate what you identify as breathing exercises that shall increase the volume of the breaths, and also stimulate the muscles within the body consciousness by walking, which also shall move in conjunction with the breathing, to being generating more of a free flow of energy, which shall be affecting also of blood flow. This shall generate more heat.
There is a constriction in what you term to be circulation, and this is being generated in the restrictiveness of the individual in relation to physical body consciousness. Therefore, engaging these actions may be helpful.
GILLIAN: The interesting thing is, as you are actually saying that, she is creating quite effectively those specific things that you have suggested. She was doing yoga, but when she moved there she moved into different kind of yoga that’s all got to do with breathing. So she has already generated your suggestion, which I find so fascinating. (Elias chuckles)
She would like to know about her computer and communications, why she hasn’t been able to create the communications. Is it a desire to withdraw and look into herself? She says she could have actually used more on this laptop if she really wanted to.
ELIAS: It is temporary. It is a movement of attention to be paying attention to self more concentratedly and therefore becoming more familiar with what is being generated and what is affecting of self.
GILLIAN: The other thing, she really likes her music but in the beginning she couldn’t get her speakers on, then somehow managed to get it to work but now her stereo is completely dead. She wants to know what’s happening with this, why she is creating that silence. She can only hear her radio.
ELIAS: To be incorporating less distraction and more concentration upon self.
GILLIAN: I wanted to confirm some focuses with Melody. Her name is Dara Mitchell in the future and I am her mum, Kareen.
ELIAS: Correct.
GILLIAN: And this is in the 23rd century?
ELIAS: Correct.
GILLIAN: With Ruther, we were in the first wave of laborers from China to create the great railroad in the States. She died quite early, a little bit after she arrived, but I continued and became a wealthy merchant. Now, what we are trying get is the name. She quite humorously put it “Wing, Wang or Wong.” (Elias chuckles) So could you give us one of the three?
ELIAS: Wong.
GILLIAN: She is so funny! Oh yes, last time you gave some information to Scot regarding a focus of mine, which I was not aware of, called Jennifer something. How did that come into being, because I didn’t have her in my impressions of all the focuses; I didn’t have a focus as far as I was concerned in Canada. Did that happen through some sort of a fragmentation, when Ari initially fragmented and this focus chose to fragment?
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
GILLIAN: And added to that, Melody has her final focus in Canada, and Jennifer is actually his wife.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: Could you throw some light... Even though it doesn’t trouble me anymore, I’m merely curious about it, I had a session with Chaumbre when we first came, when we first had objective exchange with you. During that session I was extremely emotional, which was not how I felt when I actually arrived to that session. I got really emotional and it was as if my energy was sort of all over the place. Could you tell me what was influencing that?
ELIAS: And your impression?
GILLIAN: My impression is Chaumbre.
ELIAS: More specifically?
GILLIAN: Perhaps the withdrawal of her energy or the perception of a rejection, because I felt very close with Chaumbre. I am very close with Chaumbre as essence.
ELIAS: But not necessarily translating into physical expression.
GILLIAN: So I physically was feeling a sadness.
ELIAS: And also a pressure to be expressing in an expectation in association with the knowing of the connectedness as essence, but not necessarily entirely expressing that within physical focus. There had been an expectation generated that you SHOULD be expressing that, but genuinely there is somewhat of a lack of that type of physical expression within your physical reality.
GILLIAN: But I didn’t generate the rejection, because...
ELIAS: No.
GILLIAN: ...my fondness was genuine.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: So not having the reciprocal.
ELIAS: Correct, and therefore generating this association, this expectation that you should. But in that not being expressed within your physical reality, there is a judgment that you express with yourself that you have generated some wrong and therefore have created this appearance of a disconnect — which you have not, but that is the association and what was generating the powerfulness of the feelings.
GILLIAN: It lasted a very long time. It was a loss of some sort.
The other day I said to myself, “I feel like a bloody saint — St. Constantine of Wales!” (Elias laughs) That is correct?
ELIAS: That is an observing essence throughout the entirety of the focus.
GILLIAN: (Laughs) It was so amusing to me, because of what I said and the name just popped into my head.
I feel like my essence tone is more male and that’s why I’ve focused so many more times as female.
ELIAS: In a manner of speaking.
GILLIAN: Just to explore the female aspects.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: Now this is a doubtful one! (Elias chuckles) But I put it there anyway. Like I said, even if it’s far out of reach, I still put it down. I am Ari the Wise of Iceland, around the 10th century.
ELIAS: Correct.
GILLIAN: Also a little later, a focus in the same area as a child settling in there with Lauraine and Grady as my parents?
ELIAS: Correct.
GILLIAN: I’ve had dreams of Pete’s present partner, Annette, a lot lately and from that what I’m getting as well is also some impressions of his younger child. I feel in some sort of way I play a supportive role to the entire family.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: In the beginning there was that separation because of my relationship with Pete, but it’s becoming where I recognize the whole family is extremely important for me, and that is what it is.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: It’s interesting how I’ve been moving with that, and I like it very much.
My friend from Chile, Cristian, I believe he is my partner in a ranch in North Argentina in the 1700s.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: And we have three children.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: There is something I couldn’t quite understand. I kept getting this name Quern, sounding like Quern (KWERN), in a dream and something about being burnt. Can you offer me anything more on that?
ELIAS: This would be a focus within location of your Arab countries. This individual was a thief and also expressed behaviors in association with different types of earth magic that were viewed to be heresy, and therefore, yes, in his capture was executed by fire.
GILLIAN: That’s very interesting. I didn’t happen to be hanging around with you and Baruch, did I?
ELIAS: (Laughs loudly) In actuality, I do incorporate a focus in that particular area and time framework and as a thief, also.
GILLIAN: We didn’t know each other then?
ELIAS: Briefly, yes — in the trade, so to speak. (Laughs)
GILLIAN: Am I observing essence of Martin Chambi?
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: And Freddie Mercury?
ELIAS: Observing essence, yes.
GILLIAN: Of the Indian mythology, I am Arjun, who is written about in the Mahabharata. (Pause)
ELIAS: Yes. You recognize that this is another dimensional focus?
GILLIAN: Ah, that’s very interesting, okay. But it is accounted for in this mythology.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: When I went home after the last trip, I had some fairly lucid dreams. I was outside and was a woman with shoulder length hair. Some children come up to me and say, “Yule.” I am sort of like a leader, some important person in the community, a future lifetime, and the name is Yule. The children asked me about my son and said that he’s not communicating, and I said to them, “Is that okay with you?” “Yeah, it’s okay with me.” I believe that’s a focus of mine, but is there something else in that dream that I’m exploring?
ELIAS: And your impression?
GILLIAN: I feel that there is, in terms of moving into some sort of acceptance within myself.
ELIAS: Yes, in association with?
GILLIAN: Communication.
ELIAS: Allowing yourself more openness with that communication.
GILLIAN: I had another and I was in a pub, which was around the same future time. I’m in a café and bar and I’m talking to people. People seem to be coming to me at different times and I’m saying, “Hi, Zacharie,” and the person behind him says, “I’m Zacharie, too,” and I keep having that repeat from different people, that I was recognizing all these focuses. Is that my way of recognizing that I’m beginning to recognize the energy of other people?
ELIAS: And the lack of separation.
GILLIAN: This is really flying ahead now and it’s getting so exciting! (Elias chuckles) I’ve had more days in the last month where I have actually sat down in quiet contemplation of complete appreciation of self, where I have thought this is so fine and I feel so good about me. It seems to be growing in number, the days where I go through that appreciation, and that is a lovely feeling. It’s all so good, all day going around saying I do love me, I do love me, I’m so great, I’m so great!
ELIAS: (Laughs) Congratulations.
GILLIAN: Thank you very much. Also, related to that, I’ve begun to appreciate how well I have equipped myself to explore the experiences within this dimension in terms of my alignment, in terms of my orientation, in terms of my focusing. I’ve equipped myself so perfectly to be so resilient in all my experiences. Even if there were bad experiences, I have the ability to bend the other way, that I have the flexibility to do all that.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: It’s magnificent to know that.
ELIAS: Appreciation is a powerful expression and quite wondrous.
GILLIAN: When I get glimpses of it, it makes me recognize how truly, truly limitless we actually are.
ELIAS: And your focus becomes quite vivid.
GILLIAN: Can you give me any hints as to some of our focuses together or how many we’ve had?
ELIAS: Thirteen.
GILLIAN: Any special place I can look? (Both laugh) I know I’m cheating! I’ve got to try every now and then, Elias.
ELIAS: (Laughing) I may express to you, you may investigate Japan.
GILLIAN: Okay, I’ll try. But now that I know that it’s not something that (inaudible) I don’t even have to try to get connections with focuses. Because if there’s something there and I just allow it to happen, it comes to me and that’s all right when it doesn’t and there’s no reason to force the energy.
ELIAS: Correct.
GILLIAN: And by getting to that point, it gives me a great deal of confidence.
ELIAS: And freedom.
GILLIAN: Anything else you want to say to me before we say good-bye?
ELIAS: (Chuckles) Continue in your direction, my friend, and continue with your playfulness and your appreciation, and be noticing. Pay attention to your truths.
GILLIAN: And Elias, oh yes, I wanted to ask you, you know how you say we create our own computer imagery? Could you give me an idea of what I do, when I do things in twos? Because I create in twos, then it goes away for a while and it suddenly comes back. I never asked you that and I haven’t had a particular impression on it.
ELIAS: It concerns repetition.
GILLIAN: I’m repeating something?
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: In that time framework?
ELIAS: Pay attention to your beliefs and how you are expressing those beliefs and notice the repetition — not as a bad expression, not with judgment, but merely notice the repetition.
GILLIAN: Are we looking at the repetition of action?
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: Okay, relating to a specific belief.
ELIAS: Yes.
GILLIAN: I’ve got that, all righty. And anticipate a phone conversation with Lauraine. She said, “I’m getting stuff together and I’m going to call and chat to Elias myself.”
ELIAS: Very well. I shall be anticipating. I shall be anticipating of our next meeting also.
GILLIAN: We certainly will. I’m getting too much information too fast for me to be able to not trust! Here we go, look at me! (Elias laughs)
ELIAS: Very well, my friend. In tremendous affection to you as always, au revoir.
GILLIAN: Au revoir.
Elias departs at 1:43 PM.
©2006 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2003 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.