Session 1328

Control/Not Control


“Control/Not Control”

Tuesday, April 29, 2003 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Keith (Allistar)

Elias arrives at 9:08 AM. (Arrival time is 14 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good morning!

KEITH: Good morning! How are you?

ELIAS: As always, and yourself?

KEITH: I’m pretty good. I definitely have a little bit of an intensity to my energy. I haven’t been sleeping a lot of hours the last couple of nights and I might talk about that later.

ELIAS: Very well.

KEITH: I have a question right off the bat from Allard. He would like to know if it was Ayla that he saw holding her hand to his heart a few weeks ago and what was the significance of that imagery.

ELIAS: Yes, he is correct, and you may express to him the message in that imagery was an offering of energy of comfort.

KEITH: I got the feeling he took it that way. He received it.

I’ve got some questions about creating my reality.

ELIAS: Very well.

KEITH: I’m sure nobody ever thinks of asking you about that! (Elias laughs)

I go to Indonesia now regularly for my business. My belief is the people there don’t have an accurate impression of me because they don’t really know what it’s like to be in America. They see me as a stereotype of an American. Therefore, I don’t feel the need to try to conform to any of their beliefs. I just relax a lot more, I soften my focus, it’s easier for me to stay in the present, and it’s easier for me to create what I think I want.

Then I come back to America and I feel like I’m in conflict because what I think I want is not what I’m creating. This is mostly in terms of relationships, but it also seems to apply in business as well.

I guess my question is — I’ve sort of asked this question before — but I sort of believe that I create my own reality. That’s what I thought I believed, yet I see the evidence that I’m not really believing that. I’m always trying to control how things go, trying to control how I appear to other people and trying to control how things occur, rather than just trusting and allowing whatever I choose to be — just a lot of conflict in that.

It almost seems like that is my intent in this focus, to explore this thing about control and not give myself the freedom to just be. My question is is that true, and is it possible to get lost on your way in terms of whatever your intent was — say you’d be taking drugs or in some sort of mental haze and you get out of touch with why you came here.

ELIAS: I am understanding your question.

Now; there are several facets of this question, as you are aware. In this, addressing to the latter first, I may express to you, in terms of being lost along the way, so to speak, and deviating from your intent, no. If you are to be generating a movement in a direction that is not associated with your intent, you discontinue expressing your value fulfillment and disengage, and do not continue to participate in this physical reality.

Now; as any individual continues to participate in this reality, you are continuing to express your value fulfillment, and therefore you are continuing to move in association with your intent. But in a manner of speaking, at times individuals may choose directions in association with their intent that may move in a less comfortable expression. They continue to be generating their value fulfillment and their exploration, but they may deviate in a direction that turns their exploration in a manner of what they individually may consider to be, within their beliefs, a less desirable expression of their intent and that may generate more difficulties and more challenges.

This is not to say that they are not continuing to express their value fulfillment. As I have expressed to individuals previously, this is one of the reasons that it is important that you familiarize yourself with your beliefs, your preferences, and allow yourself to pay attention to yourself in the now, for that offers you more clarity as to what you are actually generating in association with your value fulfillment.

Individuals generally do not objectively recognize that they do value expressions and directions that may not necessarily be comfortable. You merely think that what you value is always an expression associated with what you define as positive, but you do not express any direction that you do not value and continue to be participating in this reality.

This becomes confusing to many individuals, but once allowing themselves to genuinely explore what they are expressing and what they are actually doing, many times individuals begin to recognize that there are times and there are expressions in which they may be generating a direction that may be less comfortable, but this is not to say that they do not value the experiences.

Now; in relation to what you are experiencing and what you are noticing, let me identify with you that as you allow yourself to move into this other culture in this other physical location, what changes is your perception and what beliefs you are expressing.

Now; remember, every individual incorporates every belief within all of the belief systems, but you express merely some and that changes. For in different scenarios and in association with how you may be shifting your perception, the beliefs that you express may also be different.

Now; recognize also that expressed beliefs are not necessarily evident in association with thought, but they are evident in association with action and choices. In this, as you allow yourself to move in association with this other culture and this other physical location, you change your expression. You change your perception and you change what beliefs you are expressing.

You allow yourself the freedom to not concern yourself with the beliefs or the expressions or even the behaviors of other individuals, and you are correct, you pay much more attention to yourself and what you are creating, and you generate much more of an ease. In this, as you generate a perception that you are not a part of that culture and you are not actually participating in that culture and therefore are not susceptible, so to speak, to the expressions and the beliefs that THEY express, you do not concern yourself with generating expectations of yourself in relation to the individuals that you interact with in that culture.

As you return to your native culture, you also once again alter your perception and move immediately into the familiar expressed beliefs. You begin to project your attention outside of yourself and you begin to express expectations of yourself in relation to other individuals, concerning yourself with their expressions, with their behaviors, with their interactions, with their perceptions, and attempting to manipulate energy in a manner in which you are not actually concerning yourself with you — other than your expectations of yourself in how you should be interacting — but you attempt to manipulate energy in relation to other individuals, which becomes disappointing for you do not create other individual’s choices or their expressions.

What you DO incorporate is a clear reflection to yourself of what you are generating within. As you express expectations of yourself in relation to other individuals, you also reflect that and perceive that other individuals also are expecting certain expressions from you.

KEITH: Yes, it’s a huge amount of expectation, protection, controlling.


KEITH: It’s kind of amazing how different the result is. You just proved to me that you understand that very clearly, what’s going on with me. I guess my question is what can I do? I already probably know it, but can you give me any helpful pointers in staying more in the present and more just staying in touch with what I am choosing and not putting expectations on myself?

ELIAS: Yes, and you are correct that you do already in some capacity know how you may be accomplishing this, but I may also offer to you suggestions that may be helpful in a playful manner, for this is another factor.

KEITH: Exactly. That’s a thing that’s been coming up for me, that people will give me the feedback that I seem kind of tense and rigid and not like I’m having a lot of fun. Incorporating some fun would be a good idea. (Elias laughs) Some genuine laughter. It’s easy enough for me to laugh in Indonesia, but over here I find myself too tense to even have a nice belly laugh.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

Now; in this, you have provided yourself with a clear example and evidence that you do actually incorporate the ability to alter your perception, and this is no small significant awareness. For the recognition and the offering of experience to yourself that you actually can create this type of expression is important. You have already offered yourself the experience, but you feel yourself to be frustrated in other time frameworks and in other locations that you do not allow yourself to accomplish that same action.

Now; in the time frameworks that you begin to notice — and that is significant, that you notice — that you are projecting your attention outside of yourself, you are expressing these expectations of yourself. You are becoming more rigid in your expression in association with other individuals, and also with yourself not necessarily in relation to other individuals, but in time frameworks even in which you are alone, for you generate this in those time frameworks also.

Now; you may begin in an expression with other individuals. As you begin to notice what you are projecting and the energy that you are expressing and the tension and the leaning into the expression of control, allow yourself to stop for a moment and superimpose the image of an individual in the culture of these Indonesian individuals upon the form and face of the individual that you are interactive with. This may be, in actuality, a fun game to be incorporating. For once you have superimposed a visual of another individual onto the form of the individual that you are interacting with, you may allow yourself to perceive the individual differently, and this may spark a sensation within you physically which may be your indication that you may allow yourself to alter your perception in that moment.

KEITH: Like accessing the beliefs that I developed in Indonesia or accessing the freedom I felt there.

ELIAS: The freedom. Do not necessarily concern yourself and bog yourself with attempting to evaluate the beliefs in the moment, but merely engage the action of transposing the individual into the form of another individual, which may be quite fun in itself.

But once accomplishing that action even momentarily, you may notice that you shall incorporate a sensation, and as I have stated, that is your doorway to allow yourself to remember your freedom and to express yourself easily and not to concern yourself with expectations or with how the other individual may be responding.

For let me express to you quite genuinely, my friend, how other individuals respond to you is directly associated with what energy you are projecting outward. That response that may normally be automatically expected in any given scenario may be instantly changed and surprise you.

KEITH: Well, it certainly will be interesting to play with that. It sounds a lot like neuro-linguistic programming. I don’t know if you can access what that is, but it’s a way of sort of reprogramming your brain by using imagery, maybe by doing something like that, projecting an image onto something else. I’ve had this feeling about this neuro-linguistic programming, that it may also be a way that I try to control things also. I think what you’re saying is using the technique in a sense, but then just sitting back and not making any evaluations, just allow myself to experience the result.

ELIAS: And express yourself in recognition of the moment that you are attempting to be controlling. Therefore...

KEITH: That’s the hardest moment, because I have this panic, this sense of feeling that I have to get a grip, the sense that I have to do something to keep the ball rolling or to keep some scenario in place rather than just trusting that it can play itself out on its own.

ELIAS: And allowing. Let me express to you, my friend, if you are incorporating that allowance and relaxing and trusting, you shall view, as you have, that your creations are much easier and in much more of abundance in whatever direction you are expressing.

KEITH: And then not to get hung up on the expectation that once I do this I should start getting these really great results. It just seems like there’s so many little things that catch me. I don’t even know what to say about that. (Elias chuckles) But yeah, I’ll definitely play with that.

ELIAS: It is a matter of paying attention in the moment, in the now, not projecting future, not projecting past — but also as you are paying attention in the now, to pay attention to you and what you are expressing. And you are correct, this may be quite challenging for it...

KEITH: That’s my life’s story, to evaluate what I’m saying or how I am expressing, and immediately make an evaluation was it good or bad, and steer the conversation or the experience into the direction of what I think is right or good.

ELIAS: Ah, and this is another facet of what I am expressing to you, for this also is another expression of control. I may express to you, this is what I am suggesting to you, that you allow yourself to pay attention to and to discontinue that action of evaluation, of whether what you are expressing is right or wrong or good or bad or adequate enough or whether you may be expressing in a better manner.

KEITH: That seems challenging, but I’m certainly up to the challenge. It makes it seem like it’s not going to be fun when I use the word “challenge,” but the spirit of playfulness is something I will try to bring into that.

Another thing about that neuro-linguistic programming, they have a thing where when you find yourself in a place where you’re really happy and laughing, really happy, just belly-laughter, you squeeze your middle finger. Every time you’re laughing, you squeeze your middle finger. Then the next time you don’t feel so happy, you squeeze your middle finger and it makes you feel happy because you’re accessing a physical anchor that brings back the memory of that happy feeling. I can’t even think why I brought that up, but it seems...

ELIAS: (Laughs) It is an example of a method, and there are many, many, many methods that individuals incorporate to allow themselves to focus their energy and accomplish what they want in any particular direction. But I may express to you, regardless of what method you choose to incorporate to accomplish any particular action, the most significant action that you may be incorporating is to be aware of where your attention is being projected.

KEITH: I have a question about something I think about a lot, and that is the current environment in my reality of this planet. I work in this furniture business and they’re cutting down a lot of the old forests in Indonesia. Although the wood I use is plantation grown, I’m not a hundred percent sure that the plantations are being managed very well. All these issues of Americans driving big cars and burning a lot of gasoline and polluting, using up energy — on the one hand if we create our own reality, it matters not; on the other hand, the reality that I am creating is full of whole species, what I would consider families of consciousness, becoming extinct. I often find myself putting right and wrong on that, judging people who don’t seem to care about the environment, and of course judging myself. I just wondered what you had to say about that, vis-à-vis creating our own reality.

ELIAS: This is a very common expression and a very challenging direction for many, many individuals in association with acceptance.

Now; let me express to you, if you are genuinely moving yourself into not concept but reality and experience that you in actuality do create all of your reality and if you are moving yourself into a genuine expression of acceptance, you may begin to recognize that you are correct, it matters not. For your planet, so to speak, in like manner to yourselves, is continuously changing and you are changing also in conjunction with it. This is the nature of consciousness, continuous change and continuous exploration.

What is significant to be recognizing and exploring is the influence of these beliefs that you incorporate and your attachment of right and wrong with them. For as I have expressed many times previously, the point is not to be eliminating beliefs, nor will you be eliminating beliefs if you are continuing to be participating in this physical reality, for beliefs are an aspect of the design of this particular reality. The point in this shift in consciousness is to be accepting these beliefs.

Now; in that action of acceptance, what you shall notice is not necessarily that nothing within your reality matters. That is not what you are accomplishing. What you shall notice and you shall experience in a genuine expression of acceptance is that you recognize that you do incorporate beliefs and they are not good or bad in themselves and that you individually do incorporate preferences.

Now; those preferences influence your formation of opinions, which you shall continue to express, and opinions are not right or wrong, either. They are associated with the individual’s preferences.

Preferences are beliefs that are preferred. They are not expressions that are exempt from beliefs. They are merely expressed beliefs that are preferred by each individual. You may be accepting beliefs and continue to express your preferences or those beliefs that are preferred by you individually.

Now; what changes in this action of acceptance is that you recognize that you incorporate beliefs and you recognize that other individuals may express different beliefs. You do not incorporate a judgment in relation to the other individual’s beliefs being different or their choices to be incorporating actions in association with their beliefs, but you begin to appreciate your preference — your preferred beliefs — and allow yourself to express them but not necessarily in conflict with other individuals that express different beliefs.

As an example, you may continue in the direction that you have chosen in association with your business and you may express your preference in relation to environmental expressions. Therefore, you yourself may incorporate actions in association with those preferences, but in genuine acceptance of the beliefs, you do not express a threat or a judgment in association with an individual that may be choosing to participate in actions which are not associated with your individual preferences.

As an example, you have chosen to be dealing in products, correct?

KEITH: Right.

ELIAS: You do not choose to be incorporating the action of cutting down trees. Therefore, you are not cutting down trees, you are incorporating the action of dealing products.

KEITH: Which happen to be made out of the trees that were cut down.

ELIAS: It matters not. Within your reality, you are not cutting the trees and what you are creating are the products, not the trees.

KEITH: This is one of the interesting places in how I create my own reality where I can use that, it seems, to say oh well, I don’t have to worry about burning a lot of gas or using a lot of energy or doing anything; I can just quit worrying about all that stuff — it just doesn’t matter.

I think I need to catch the thing about finding my own preferences...

ELIAS: Correct, but that is not the point, my friend. This is not what I am expressing to any of you within your reality, that you throw up your hands, in a manner of speaking, and express to yourselves or to any other individual, “It matters not, I may incorporate any action and it is of no consequence.” For this is a denial of yourself and a denial of beliefs. And it is not genuine. For you may incorporate that action physically, but it is not genuine for you continue to express the beliefs. If you are incorporating your vehicle in excessiveness and are contributing to what you perceive to be the pollution of your atmosphere, what do you express? A discounting of yourself and an uncomfortableness.

This is the area in which individuals struggle with themselves and also with other individuals, for this is a lack of acknowledgment of your preferences, of those preferred expressed beliefs, and therefore a denial of their incorporation in association with your freedom. It is not a realistic viewing of your reality or of your creation of your reality, and your responsibility to yourself in creating your reality. Are you understanding?


ELIAS: In paying attention to what you are actually doing, you allow yourself information that is beneficial to you in expressing the creation of your reality with less conflict, less struggle and much more of an ease and an intentional expression of what you want. It also contributes greatly to your accomplishment in acceptance.

KEITH: Is it possible, on a more personal physical body level, that a person could become addicted to a drug and then use that as a means to change the course or to... I guess I’m just listening to what you said earlier about value fulfillment and... (Pause)

ELIAS: Continue your question.

KEITH: The idea of getting into an addiction and finding comfort in that. It’s such an internally generated feeling to have any kind of dependence on a drug, let’s say, yet everything is internally generated.

ELIAS: Correct, and dependence is a relative term and is also quite associated with your beliefs.

Now; is it possible to generate a choice and a direction in association with one’s beliefs to create what you perceive to be an addiction to a particular substance and incorporate that in your value fulfillment and your intent? Yes.

KEITH: (Laughs) Thanks for getting that question from me, even though I didn’t know how to ask it.

That’s interesting, because there’s sort of a dance with the idea of addiction and the right and wrong of it. It seems like when I remove the right and wrong from it, it opens up the floodgates to make it something that could happen, and then the right and wrong comes back again — “that’s terrible, that can’t happen.”

ELIAS: I am understanding, but as you move into an acceptance of beliefs, you recognize that there may continue to be an expression of right and wrong in association with your world or your society or the expressions of other individuals; but you may genuinely not incorporate an association with right and wrong, and you may allow yourself to move in very different expressions and create very different experiences.

I may express to you, in genuinely accepting your choices, you also alter what you present to yourself in relation to the judgments of other individuals, for you do not concern yourself with those expressions any longer and therefore you do not draw them to yourself. This is the intricacy of creating your reality.

KEITH: Sometimes it’s like a feedback loop with me creating my own reality. I find myself projecting and creating an expectation and then having that feedback to where I am now, the comparison, and then just letting go, letting go and staying in the present, telling myself that it matters not. But then having that new relaxation generate a hopefulness inside me that then leads to more expectations.

Any time I see new possibilities open up, I’m confronted with expectations and how I’m not going to be able to perform good enough. It’s a real interesting feedback loop.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

Now; in association with this — as we discussed this action occurring within yourself individually in time frameworks in which you are not incorporating interaction with other individuals and you generate this similar action with yourself, alone — notice again in similar manner to your game with other individuals.

Notice within yourself in those time frameworks in which you are generating this type of expression and you are alone and not interactive with other individuals. As you begin to notice that you are generating this loop, in your terms, of expectations, visualize yourself as a kaleidoscope. For this, in a manner of speaking, is what you are. With every movement, you change the pattern. If you change the pattern and the one that you view in the moment is not pleasing to you, generate any movement, any at all, even a blink of your eye, and change the pattern of your kaleidoscope. View a different pattern.

KEITH: I get some strong imagery of that. It feels really true to me. It feels right.

ELIAS: And perhaps, my friend, you shall begin to allow yourself much more of an expression of your freedom within your native culture in similar manner to your foreign culture. For you are the same individual; you are who you are, regardless of where you are. You are not the location. You are you.

KEITH: I just have some beliefs about the location and I let that color my kaleidoscope.

ELIAS: Yes. You incorporate beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable behavior in association with the locations and what you expect of yourself.

KEITH: So I have a different set of expectations when I’m here in America, and it’s possible that’s in alignment with my intent. That’s something that really confuses me. Do I have an intention in this focus to explore this push-pull between thought, evaluation, right and wrong, and free expression — the true means of how we create our reality and the issue of control?

ELIAS: Let me clarify. Your intent is a general theme that is expressed in all of your experiences throughout your focus.

Now; within that theme, you choose many, many, many different specific avenues to explore that theme, and that generates the experiences that you incorporate. Therefore, you are exploring the dynamic of the affectingness of control and not control in this focus. And you express...

KEITH: Generating the contrast? What was the word you used?

ELIAS: You are exploring both expressions of control and not control.

KEITH: That certainly fits. When I get into the space of not control, I completely don’t worry about control. I’ve had many experiences where I’ve been able to be fully expressed and a celebratory way of being.

ELIAS: Correct.

KEITH: It’s like I get permission all of a sudden.

ELIAS: Correct.

Now; you choose many different avenues that more precisely allow you to explore these expressions. This continues to generate your value fulfillment.

Now; in this, I am understanding that you are tiring of some of the patterns that you have incorporated in some directions of this exploration and therefore are seeking different avenues to be expressing your exploration and incorporating less restrictions with yourself, which is an evidence of your movement in shifting.

KEITH: I can see it in some areas — in others, not. The fact that I am growing older, I have beliefs that getting older automatically equals more rigidity. But I certainly see examples in people around me where that’s not true. It’s possible to allow my expression to go any way I want it to.

ELIAS: Quite.

KEITH: I have been using that belief system of getting older, and finding myself lusting after, being interested in the young, fear of the old, fear of growing old, and interest in the young.

ELIAS: Quite, for you believe yourself to be losing some expression of yourself — which in actuality is incorrect, but this is the perception and it becomes quite real.

KEITH: So I’ve got some little exercises or ideas how to approach some of this when it starts to create the tension or the rigidity that it has in the past.

ELIAS: And also perhaps incorporate one other playful exercise or game. Each time you notice yourself expressing that rigidity, rather than incorporating the expression of discounting yourself and expressing to yourself that you should be doing this or that better, and that you should not be incorporating this rigidity, in any moment that you notice yourself incorporating an expression of rigidity allow yourself to offer yourself a point that you have acknowledged yourself and you have noticed.

KEITH: And I’ll keep track of my points and see where I get.

ELIAS: (Laughs) And perhaps this may also incorporate a new avenue to incorporate laughter with yourself as you view your points!

KEITH: That’s usually what give me access to the laughter, seeing something that I do that... It’s almost endearing. Something that I would ordinarily judge and seeing it in a compassionate way, I can really access that sense of laughter.


KEITH: This has been a great session, Elias. I am not as focused as I might have been with more sleep. On the other hand, I feel a certain kind of lucidity. I want to acknowledge you for being able to drag the meaning out of my questions, the way that I phrased them.

ELIAS: Let me express to you, my friend, perhaps this was purposeful and you may acknowledge yourself in this also as another example of what you might normally be discounting yourself with. What you have accomplished is allowing yourself to be more relaxed in your conversation with myself this day. (Chuckles) Perhaps out of sheer exhaustion, but nonetheless! Ha ha ha!

KEITH: It’s a technique! And I get one point.


KEITH: Well, that’s great. I think it’s been about one hour. Thank you very much.

ELIAS: You are quite welcome, my friend. I shall continue to express my energy with you in encouragement and helpfulness.

KEITH: I appreciate that.

ELIAS: I express to you a tremendous affection and acknowledgment, and I anticipate our next meeting. To you, my friend, au revoir.

KEITH: See you soon. Au revoir.

Elias departs at 10:07 AM

©2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

Copyright 2003 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.