Thursday, January 16, 2003 (Private/In Person)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and a new participant, Wendy (Luelyth)

Elias arrives at 3:50 PM. (Arrival time is 31 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good afternoon!

WENDY: Good afternoon.

ELIAS: (Chuckles) And how shall we proceed?

WENDY: Since I’m new to the game, I suppose I should start by getting the basics down, which I don’t care very much about. I was given what was called a higher-self name at one point years and years ago of Lucan, L-U-C-A-N, I assume. So if I’m to ask my essence name, I don’t know if that’s my essence name or not. (Slight pause)

ELIAS: No. This is in actuality a focus name, which is associated with a sorcerer; but quite understandable that it would be misinterpreted as such, for the allowance of that focus and the powerfulness of that focus might be easily misinterpreted as an essence name.

WENDY: Then I’ll have to have you give me my essence name! (Laughs) Although I do like the feel of that Lucan energy. (Pause)

ELIAS: Ah, also understandable, the misinterpretation — Luelyth, L-U-E-L-Y-T-H (LOO lith).

WENDY: I’ve not studied the families with the diligence that I might have (laughs)...

ELIAS: Which is unnecessary!

WENDY: ...but my impression is that I am Sumafi aligned with Sumari.

ELIAS: Correct.

WENDY: My impression is that I am common and thought focused.

ELIAS: Common, correct; political focus.

WENDY: Political! Okay, I guess I’ll have to study up on that one!

ELIAS: (Chuckles) Closely associated with thought focus.

WENDY: I would like to group my questions and then have you answer them, because I have a feeling they’re all knit together. I just want to put some questions out here and then I’ll stop talking and maybe you can give me some insights.

I have spent years doing my best to pay attention to myself and notice what I’m doing. I seem to be at a point right now where I can hardly think about myself or anything; I just don’t seem to want to think about things. So I have thought about these things and I do have impressions.

After living away from the state that I consider my home state, I moved back to my home state six years ago and proceeded to have what I would call a traumatic and unpleasant time. My impressions are that I was giving myself excellent examples of putting my attention outside myself, not trusting myself, not accepting myself, and feeding the little dog to the big dog instead of feeding the little dog! But anyway, I am curious about what my experience over the last six years was because it seems to have ended in a big train wreck.

I have some symptoms that I’m not clear about what my subjective communication is, some of which I’ve had for years and years, decades — pain in my feet, very dry skin, heart palpitations, and I created two disfiguring lumps on myself, one on my throat and one on my knuckle.

So can you help me get an idea what subjectively has been going on, that I grabbed a hold of the tablecloth and pulled everything down on my head over the last several years and what those symptoms might have to do with that?

ELIAS: And what is your assessment of your choice of physical location now?

WENDY: In August I had a sudden impulse to move to a place that I had visited twice. I didn’t even like it the first time I was there. I had one friend there. My rational mind, of course, came up with a lot of reasons why it wasn’t a good idea, but I had a very strong impulse to move.

My subjective feeling about it is that I needed, I desired, a new environment to express myself in, that I wanted to be away from people who knew me so that I wouldn’t be expecting things of myself, projecting those expectations out onto people around me.

The place I’m living now is considered to be very amenable to the work I want to be doing, which is — despite the fact that I have a hard time remembering myself — reminding people that they can have bigger and better lives and they don’t have to be ruled by their limiting beliefs. It was a change in directions that I thought would help break me loose from the trend I’d gotten into over the last six years.

ELIAS: Very well. Express to myself what you assess in relation to not listening to your impulse.

WENDY: You mean previous to this impulse? Or my tendency to want to deny my impulses generally?

ELIAS: No, to this impulse of relocating.

WENDY: Well, I did do it, despite the fact that I wasn’t sure that it made a lot of sense. I did it very quickly. I put my house on the market and sold it myself; everything went very smoothly. It was like a door opening. That’s how easy it seemed.

ELIAS: But?

WENDY: But what I had done for the past six years was to go back and forth, back and forth, where I would have impulses to do things and then I would... I don’t know what I would do! I would do all those things I said. I would start paying attention to things that weren’t me, I wouldn’t trust myself to do them, I was focusing on all the ways that I wouldn’t be accepted — I was feeding my fears. Sometimes I wouldn’t, but I just couldn’t seem to get a grip on myself.

ELIAS: And you are dissatisfied with your choice of your physical location now?

WENDY: A little bit; somewhat. I’m paying too much money. I’m in a much smaller place; I don’t own it. And I also just feel defeated.

ELIAS: Very well.

WENDY: I feel that I chose it. I was fleeing something in a way, instead of going towards something. I was going towards something but I was also fleeing something. I don’t know if that’s a very good way to make choices.

ELIAS: First of all, let me express to you, dependent upon the individual and the choices that the individual is engaging in relation to their direction in any particular time framework, what you term to be fleeing may not necessarily be a negative.

There is an incorporation of mass beliefs that express that you must face your fears or that you must be moving through issues and that you must never run away, and that fleeing, so to speak, is cowardly and bad and weak.

But in association with some individuals, it may be viewed as sound and strong, for it is an action of paying attention and recognizing that the individual’s energy is not resonating with that physical location, and also recognizing within the individual, such as yourself, that certain associations are generated in relation to physical locations and other individuals that occupy those physical locations.

The familiarity of those two elements may at times be overwhelming to an individual, and altering their environment may be quite beneficial in allowing the individual to refocus, so to speak, and to move the attention to self rather than continuing to ensnare themselves with the familiar action of continuing to project their attention outwardly to other individuals and circumstances.

WENDY: I did feel that there was a lot of that going on.

ELIAS: But there is an automatic response to self to be discounting and questioning and doubting of self, for the mass beliefs are strong.

Now; mass beliefs are not bad either. In themselves, they are neutral. But each individual generates associations with them and generates their individual judgments in association with them. This is the action of duplicity, as you are aware. In this, the automatic response is to be viewing these expressions of mass beliefs and expressing the judgment that they are bad and therefore you should not be aligning with them, and if you are, then you are also bad.

The manner in which you allow yourself the acceptance of beliefs is to recognize that you incorporate them, recognize that you express them, and also recognize that you are not bound to them, that you incorporate choice, that in one moment you may choose to be expressing that belief and in another moment you may choose not to be. It is not that you eliminate them. It is not that you change them.

You incorporate all of the beliefs within all of the belief systems, but you express merely a few. But all of the other beliefs within all of these belief systems are also incorporated and available. You may move your attention in any moment and choose to be expressing a different belief, knowing that you continue to incorporate the previous belief but choosing not to express it in that moment, which neutralizes the judgment.

Now; you offer yourself impressions and impulses in relation to your movement, but you doubt the validity of your impulses and whether it is the best choice to be following those impulses.

Now; let me express to you, the pitfall in your scenario is that if you are acknowledging of an impulse and acting upon that impulse, you generate an association of finality with it: “If I incorporate an impulse to be changing my physical location of my dwelling, once I act in association with that impulse, it is final. This is the location I am MEANT to be within. For I have expressed a communication to myself, I have followed that communication, and therefore this is my destination!” Not necessarily. This eliminates the interplay of probabilities.

Remember, you do not choose probabilities that lie before you; you generate them in the moment. But you may deny yourself the choice to be creating probabilities in association with other probabilities that you have chosen if you are viewing your choices as final outcomes.

Every choice that you generate creates an outcome in every moment. But at times — and this is not unusual — individuals generate a succession of outcomes that interplay together and create what you refer to as your paths. In this, your destination may not be final; it may be a stepping-stone to other destinations. It may be an incremental step in your movement to be accomplishing a greater scenario, in your terms.

Perhaps it is a marker point, for it offers you information more so in intimacy of yourself, in paying attention to yourself, recognizing your preferences and what you do not prefer, and also allowing you a temporary stop-point to pay attention to what you are choosing, to what you are doing, to your motivations, to your influences concerning your choices, and allowing you to more clearly recognize what YOU want — not what you should be, not what you are obligated to — but what you want, and allowing yourself the freedom to generate that and express it.

Especially in association with experiences generated with other individuals in familiarity, some individuals — yourself included — express more of an ease in allowing their choices and altering their perception if they alter their environment. Not all individuals express this type of direction, but some individuals do and quite strongly, and you are one of these individuals that associates very strongly with your experiences. You lean in a direction of casting your experiences into absolutes, and therefore what has been generated in the past you automatically associate shall be generated in the present and in the future. Therefore, you generate anxiety within yourself for you are anticipating, and you continue to project futurely and anticipate and anticipate.

Now; altering your environment interrupts the pattern of those associations in absolutes. This is the reason that you express to myself you express a desire to be within a physical location of which you are unknown to other individuals. This is not bad, and this is not fleeing.

This is a recognition of yourself, that within yourself it matters not what other individuals are expressing or what their perception may be, but that you yourself incorporate a tremendous difficulty in altering YOUR perception in association with other individuals and your environment, which reinforces your association with other individuals. They are almost inseparable, for those past experiences have been cast in absolutes. This presents a tremendous challenge for you to be altering your perception. You struggle and try, and try as you may, you become frustrated and express, “I wish not to be incorporating any interaction with myself or with any other individual, for it is frustrating and I cannot change what is.”

It is not a matter of changing what is; it is a matter of altering your perception. But within you individually, my friend, this is quite challenging in relation to your beliefs and your associations. This is the reason that you offer yourself these impulses to alter your physical location, for it alters your environment and it creates an immediate and impactful alteration within your perception, in which you allow yourself — temporarily — an expression of your own freedom.

In this, perhaps as you alter your environment you may also recognize that you bring you with you.

WENDY: I know that. That’s one reason why I debated with myself about moving. I thought, “Everywhere you go, there you are! What do you think you’re going to change?”

ELIAS: Correct! But in altering your perception in the alteration of your environment, now allow yourself to genuinely pay attention to you and not continue the pattern that you have generated pastly in which you alter your location, you alter your environment, you alter your perception but you generate the same actions in projecting your attention outside of yourself and concerning yourself with other individuals and their perceptions and their choices and their expectations, and allowing those expressions to penetrate and distract you and you stop steering your own ship.

WENDY: This tendency that I seem to have to feel extremely influenced by things that happened before, is there an upside to this?

ELIAS: Quite!

WENDY: Your greatest weakness could be your greatest strength, so what’s the upside to that?

ELIAS: In the recognition of this, you may allow yourself to no longer be a victim.

WENDY: Of myself.

ELIAS: Correct, for you may allow yourself your choices, your freedom of your expression, knowing that YOU are directing of your ship. You ARE steering your ship, and therefore you are not subject to the expectations or expressions of other individuals.

WENDY: On an intellectual level, I certainly know all this! Talk about a hamster wheel — I just got back on it every time I wasn’t paying the least bit attention. I would end up back on the hamster wheel. I’ve been thinking, now that I’m in my new location, are you just doing everything the same as you were doing?

Driving over here, I actually had an impulse as I was looking at people in their RVs, those things you can drive around and live in. I was thinking maybe that’s what I should do — travel everywhere and not settle anywhere! It’s like I want to shake myself loose. But I don’t really think I want to travel and drive everywhere.

ELIAS: What you want is the freedom to express yourself without limitation, and this is the imagery that you are expressing to yourself in that idea — without limitation, complete freedom of yourself. (Pause)

Perhaps you may engage interaction with Michael also, for he is quite aware of this subject matter.

WENDY: I’m sure!

So this writing — I put together a big website full of writing about the information that I want to be making my living reminding people of. I started out by having a free newsletter that I put out every week, and I hated doing it. I made it torture for myself. So I decided I wouldn’t put it out every week; I’d put it out every month. Then I basically stopped doing it. I would like myself to be doing it, and I have not been able to find a way.

ELIAS: Would you?

WENDY: I would like to be freely expressing myself. I guess that’s it.

ELIAS: But not in chore.

WENDY: No, I don’t want it to be the struggle I’ve made it. I used to write so easily. I enjoyed it, and I did express myself freely.

ELIAS: And what have you incorporated? Structure.

WENDY: (Laughs) I’m not very good at structure! I did incorporate structure.

ELIAS: And this denies your freedom.

WENDY: That’s probably why I can’t even wear clothes that are tight anymore. If anything is touching me or constricting me, I feel like I want it off me!

That’s all very nice objectively but I do need to make a living, I think. You said we create money, but I haven’t quite come up with how I create money without doing something or selling something.

ELIAS: And you may incorporate doing.

WENDY: And selling?

ELIAS: Perhaps, if that is what you are so choosing. Or merely doing, but doing what you want to be doing and appreciating your doing, appreciating your creativity — not what you should be doing, not in the manner that you should be doing, but in a free expression of your creativity in relaxing your energy and allowing.

There is no action — NO action — within your physical reality that you may not incorporate that you may not generate money in association with. Any action that you may imagine that you may be incorporating within your physical reality you may generate money in association with. It is merely a question of allowance and trust of yourself. It is that simple and that challenging.

WENDY: My friends have had a joke for years that I should set up a little stand that says “Wendy — Advice on all matters. Please take a number.” (Elias laughs) I’d like to do that, and I may be living in a place where I can do that.

So basically what I’m down to here is — and this is how I feel right now — is that if I put any constraints upon myself, what I want to do isn’t working. I mean, how I want to live isn’t working. It’s almost as though I have to go through a period now where I just attend to my impulses and stop trying to do things because I think I should.

ELIAS: (Quietly) And stop forcing your energy, which you are quite accomplished at, are you not?

WENDY: Yes. (Emotionally) Yes, I’ve made a career of it. That’s one reason why I...

ELIAS: Do not incorporate judgment now! This is an automatic response. I am recognizing within your expression of your energy that this is what you are expressing now, an automatic response in judgment of yourself that what you have generated pastly is bad and negative. This is a discounting of yourself; STOP. Merely acknowledge these are choices that you have created pastly and you incorporate choices now.

(Gently) In each moment, each individual offers themselves the opportunity to know themselves more intimately. In this moment you are viewing yourself more intimately than you were five minutes ago. This is not growth; it is becoming. It is exploration. It is continuous movement. It is not suggesting that five minutes ago that you were less than you are within this minute. You are different, for you offer yourself different information. And in each moment, you express the choices in association with the awareness that you incorporate in that moment.

WENDY: Don’t look back, in short.

ELIAS: In a manner of speaking. What is important is the now, for in actuality there is no other moment but a succession of continuous nows.

WENDY: I tell myself that a lot.

As I drove over here I had a lot of time to think about things. I don’t seem to have the piece of paper I wrote it on, but I decided to try to come up with my intent. So I followed your advice to look over my life at what seems to have driven me.

The first scene that came up was my years as a child roaming the alleys of the neighborhood and finding things that people had thrown away that I just thought were perfectly good, wonderful treasures. So I looked at my ongoing exploration of what I would call the ordinary known world for treasures.

ELIAS: You are quite correct — your continuous treasure hunt.

WENDY: That’s what I feel like I do.

ELIAS: (Chuckles) This is quite accurate. You direct yourself in many different directions in association with that general theme.

WENDY: I got a fortune cookie that said “You find treasures where others see nothing at all,” and I think that’s true. I feel like I go into areas where people have already said, “This is the map of the territory, this is how it’s going to be,” and I go in and come up with something completely different. (Elias nods) Thank you. I’m glad I got my intent.

ELIAS: Following the communication of your imagination.

WENDY: Yes. The subjective communication that I seem to be missing behind symptoms like this pain in my feet, my impression is that I should maybe get off my feet, like stop driving myself so much. But I have this pain even when I’m doing things that are fun! I like to be very physically active.

ELIAS: But address to the underlying influences, those expressions of finality and not allowing yourself the freedom to move beyond the finality. Your feet, in your expression, are a symbolization of planting yourself. You may plant yourself temporarily, but within your associations of your beliefs, your thought process does not translate the temporary. It automatically...

WENDY: ...projects.

ELIAS: Correct.

WENDY: Interestingly enough, when I moved I got rid of almost everything. Speaking of planting, I love plants. I got rid of so many things, and I had an impulse to do that, too. It was like breaking this chain of association. In a way, I feel like I know that this situation I’m in is not permanent, and yet I guess it’s just my mistrust of myself. I feel like I took a step backwards and I can’t count on myself to move forward.

ELIAS: But you have not stepped backwards.

WENDY: I sidestepped, maybe.

ELIAS: Correct. This is quite different.

WENDY: So the heart palpitations that I have...

ELIAS: ...are associated with tension and anxiety.

WENDY: It’s just panic, essentially, even if I’m not...

ELIAS: Not necessarily panic but anxiety, which is associated with discounting yourself.

WENDY: Yes, that’s my profession! And my very dry skin? I tend to live in places that are very dry, but as a child, as a young person, I didn’t have skin that was so dry. My hands are cracked and my feet are cracked. Is that just the fact that I feel vulnerable because I discount myself so much?

ELIAS: Partially, and also partially associated with a discounting of yourself and a necessity, within your beliefs, of continually attempting to wash away aspects of yourself or expressions of yourself that are unsatisfactory or that you discount yourself with. You image that in actual physical imagery, which you image in what you may term to be excessive cleanliness.

WENDY: Two showers a day — I think it’s relaxing! (Laughs) I can’t sleep if I don’t take a shower!

ELIAS: In this, you irritate your largest organ — that which you view protects you, but also that which you wish to be expressing vulnerability.

WENDY: What about these lumps, my throat and my knuckle? I must have had these for years and I’ve only just recently noticed them when this one just blew up on me last year, a year ago, right before my favorite cat died. I see it; I look at photographs of myself as a six-year-old and I can see that I already had this.

ELIAS: This is associated with a different expression. This is associated with sexuality. It is associated with expressions within the belief system of sexuality concerning gender. You have created this particular manifestation in an attempt to be blurring the expression of gender.

WENDY: In other words, all my jokes about I enjoy being a girl, since I don’t particularly, it’s associated with that?

ELIAS: Yes, for your expression is to be... (Pause)

WENDY: I like to be kind of neutral.

ELIAS: Yes, androgynous, and not necessarily associating yourself with the beliefs concerning the gender that you have chosen, but compensating excessively. (Wendy sighs)

It is unnecessary for you to justify yourself or to prove yourself. Your preferences are your preferences and they are acceptable. If you prefer to be expressing the choice of a particular gender, which you have — and this is a choice...

WENDY: Basically I like it; I don’t think I’d want to be a boy either. I don’t want to be either!

ELIAS: And in this, you also have chosen to not necessarily align with many of the expressed beliefs concerning the expectations, the behaviors, the productivity of this particular gender, but exploring the physical expression of this gender.

WENDY: I noticed I’m experiencing a lot of conflict about aging. As a female, I think I should be staying very pretty and that if I’m not, what do I have to offer?

ELIAS: Ah.

WENDY: Yet I know that my prettiness is not what I value most about myself and it’s not what I think I have to offer. Yet it’s like a currency that I’ve been using that suddenly has been devalued, and I don’t like losing the value of that currency.

ELIAS: Ah, but it is unnecessary for you to be losing the value of that currency, for that is a projection of how you value yourself. In the continuation of valuing yourself, you continue to project an energy that reflects that and you project an image of yourself that is also reflective of that.

WENDY: I’ve been thinking a lot about the whole concept of inner beauty and aging.

ELIAS: Which translates outerly also.

WENDY: That’s true. So with these little disfiguring lumps, am I understanding that if I didn’t feel that I had to assert my androgyny by swimming upstream, if I just accepted that I can be androgynous without having to make a point of it, then I don’t have to manifest any Adam’s apple bulges?

ELIAS: Correct.

WENDY: I see.

Christopher Reeve broke his neck very high up several years ago, and he’s recently written a book that I read about the fact that he has sensation and movement coming back to his hands and his legs, his feet, his arms. One of the things that interests me is the whole concept of change. I know that you’ve said, and all of the people who bring us this information say, that we can change anything in an instant. Yet it seems that we like to do methods, exercises, processes. Partly, I assume, that’s because it helps us focus in a different direction. The exercise breaks a pattern. We say, “I’m doing this; now this means something will be different,” so we can turn our expectation.

Is there any other benefit? Partly I suppose we can come more to terms with what the subjective background is to the objective expression, perhaps, and untangle it little by little rather than just surprising ourselves one day by dropping the whole thing.

ELIAS: It offers you an opportunity to objectively view and understand what you are actually creating. It offers you the opportunity to watch yourself rather than reflect to yourself. You are continuously reflecting to yourself, but you generate methods and processes for this offers the opportunity to view yourself within yourself, within your own choices and your own movements, and to acknowledge yourself that you are creating it.

Let me express to you, in the strength of your beliefs within this physical reality, in moments that you generate instantaneous alterations, you classify them as miracles and you attribute the credit elsewhere. You do not credit yourselves.

But in the generation of methods and processes, you watch yourself create and you do offer yourself your credit and your validation.

WENDY: One thing that I haven’t discarded that I’ve been debating about is the car that I’m in. I did discard the previous car, which I loved, by having an accident, so to speak. The car that I got after that has not suited me, and yet I’m trying to be economical. So I’m going back and forth and back and forth.

My impulse is to get a brand new car. Is there any way I could think about this? I’m just having a hard time going between economy and wanting a fresh vehicle. As I say it, I just think to myself, “Twenty thousand dollars — buy a new car!”

ELIAS: And my expression to you is to be inquiring of you, what do you want?

WENDY: What I want is to just spend the money, and what I’m doing is projecting into the future. What if I need that money?

ELIAS: Ah!

WENDY: What if I can’t create more money?

ELIAS: What if, what if, what if, what if, what if — what are you doing now?

WENDY: Discounting myself, not trusting myself.

ELIAS: The future is an illusion! WHAT IS SIGNIFICANT IS NOW, AND WHAT YOU DO NOW GENERATES THE FUTURE. In each moment that you trust yourself now, you trust yourself more in the future. In each moment that you offer yourself your freedom now, you offer yourself more in the future.

WENDY: I have a court date coming up in a week. I am vacillating between fear and it matters not. When I was driving on the freeway coming over here, going downhill at 75 miles an hour surrounded by trucks, with drop-offs on either side, I was thinking to myself, “Perhaps Elias would say, ‘Find a stopping point where you can gather yourself.’” But there was no place to stop.

Do you have a suggestion for when you’re headed downhill at 75 miles an hour surrounded by trucks and you’re feeling fearful because you’re projecting into the future things that aren’t happening?

ELIAS: Pull yourself into the now and evaluate what is actually occurring. Are you experiencing in this now harmfulness? No. Are you experiencing actions that are hurtful to you or threatening to you? No. You are anticipating, but what are you actually experiencing in the now? Fear? Yes. Associated with what — future. Pull to the now.

What is actually occurring? What am I actually experiencing fearfulness in association with in this now, for it is threatening myself in this now? The appearance of two large vehicles on either side of my vehicle that are much larger than myself. Very well. Are they damaging you? No. Are they threatening you? No. What is the source of this fear, that they may not view you, that they may ACCIDENTALLY move on top of your vehicle for they shall not see you?

WENDY: Or I may accidentally create loss of control of my vehicle, which I’ve done a few times.

ELIAS: Ah! There are NO accidents.

WENDY: I know that, but you know what I mean. (Both laugh) My tendency to associate so strongly with things that have happened that I’ve created in the past is, in a way, at the root of 99.9 percent of my fear, it seems.

ELIAS: Quite, which is what I have expressed to you.

WENDY: So my task, if I choose to accept it, is to just keep bringing myself into the present and stop associating...

ELIAS: ...in absolutes. There are no absolutes.

WENDY: Okay. (Sighs) I just feel like I’ve turned into such a nervous ninny. I feel like I hardly have any control over myself anymore in this way. I thought I used to have a stronger ability to do things that I felt threatened by or afraid of, and now I just seem to get fixated on my fear. But I don’t have to!

ELIAS: You are correct, for you may choose to be paying attention to these absolutes that you generate and recognize that they are not. Each moment is the opportunity of choice. Regardless of what you have chosen previously, it is not an absolute.

WENDY: I’m very good at helping other people see this. I wish I were as good at helping myself see it! As I say, I understand it; I just have to work with it.

Well, I think our time is officially up.

ELIAS: Very well, my friend. I shall be anticipating our next meeting, and I shall be offering you encouragement and my energy of confidence.

WENDY: Thank you. People think I’m confident.

ELIAS: I am aware.

WENDY: People are convinced I am very confident.

ELIAS: And I am aware of what YOU are convinced of.

WENDY: I’m not convinced.

ELIAS: I offer to you tremendous affection, and in my expression of friendship and supportiveness I extend to you a fond au revoir.

WENDY: Thank you.

Elias departs at 4:52 PM.

©2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2003 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.