Orientations and Attention
"Orientations and Attention"
“Relationships Are Developed In How You Pay Attention to Yourself and How You Interact”
"Anxiety: Identifying Sense Triggers and Environment"
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Ann (Vivette)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
ANN: Good afternoon, Elias! Good to speak with you again.
ELIAS: (Laughs) And you also, my dear friend. And what have you been engaging?
ANN: Oh,… I’ve been engaging a lot of busy-ness. (Elias laughs) I’ve been moving, working, just living life, so… But anyway, I have one quick thing I want to ask you about, but I think mostly what I want to talk about today is relationships.
ELIAS: Very well.
ANN: But before we go into that, I’m wondering, is this guy I’m dating intermediate? It’s funny how I remember that the guy I was dating before – he was common – I would say something and he would say to me, “I just said that to you,” like I hadn’t heard him or whatever, it didn’t register. And I notice that that’s happening with this guy, that I’ll say something and then he’ll say it later as if he didn’t hear me. I’m wondering if that’s an intermediate characteristic or something, because I’m thinking when you’re intermediate you kind of like “go inside” and you zone out a little bit. Would that have one thing to do with the other?
ELIAS: At times, yes. For it is not necessarily, as you express, that you “zone out.” (Both laugh) But at times that can be an expression of an intermediate individual, for they may not be entirely paying attention to what is occurring outside of them, or they may not be paying attention to what another individual is expressing fully. They may be partially paying attention.
ELIAS: But not entirely, for in that, what is a very common characteristic with an intermediate individual is that they are very frequently occupied with whatever is directly affecting of them in the moment – not that intermediate individuals are more accomplished at generally paying attention to themselves, for they are not, but that their attention generally is more consistently occupied with whatever is directly affecting them in a particular moment. Therefore, if another individual is speaking to you, but there is other stimulus occurring also and you are distracted, for you are paying attention to whatever is directly affecting of you in that moment – and it may be some action or some occurrence that is merely related to sense data. It may be that you are noticing that you are too warm, or that you are slightly chilly, or that you are touching an object, or that you smell something. It may be some stimulus that is not tremendously significant but just enough to be directly affecting of you and you immediately move your attention to that, and therefore while the other individual may be engaging the conversation, or expressing some information, the intermediate individual may be partially paying attention but not entirely, and therefore will not necessarily remember what was being expressed, for whatever is directly affecting of you in that moment overrides whatever else is occurring.
ANN: So it sounds like – and this may be wrong, but it sounds like almost with intermediates it seems more of a narrow focus. Would a common then be able to better focus on the conversation, focus on being cold or hot and focus on more things at once? Is that accurate?
ELIAS: Hmm… (Pause) Not entirely. I would express first of all, each orientation is different, and therefore it is not that one is more narrow or wider than the other, but that they view their reality and process their reality through different lenses.
A common individual is much more focused in what is occurring outside of them, therefore they are much more focused in relation to imagery [and] pay attention to whatever imagery is occurring around them. And in that, at times they may not be as aware of what is directly affecting them, for they are concentrating their attention more so in imagery that is outside of them. Therefore, it is not necessarily that a common individual would be “better” at moving their attention in several directions simultaneously, but they direct their attention differently than an intermediate individual.
I would express that if you are entertaining this type of idea, a soft individual is more likely to be dividing their attention and paying attention in more than one direction simultaneously.
ANN: Inside and outside.
ELIAS: Not merely inside and outside, but even if the soft individual is not paying attention inwardly, they are more adept at paying attention in more than one direction in one time framework, therefore they may be directing their attention outside of themselves. But let us say as an example, a soft individual would much more easily generate the ability to listen to several conversations simultaneously.
ANN: Oh, THAT is interesting!
ELIAS: And not necessarily become confused or distracted, that they can divide their attention to be paying attention in several directions in the same time framework. That is not to say that they may be paying attention to themself, but in relation to attention, soft individuals would incorporate that ability in relation to their orientation to divide their attention effectively and efficiently, whereas an intermediate individual or a common individual would be less likely to engage that type of action and would generate it much less frequently, and even if they do generate it, they would not be dividing their attention in equal measure, therefore they would not be as clear in that division of their attention. One aspect of their attention would be predominant and would override the other aspects of their attention that are secondary, which is the example that an intermediate individual would be paying more attention to what is directly affecting of themself and any other direction that they express their attention in would be secondary. Therefore, if a conversation is not directly affecting of them in that moment, that would be a secondary attention and they would not be paying as much attention to that, and therefore would be likely to not be as clear or not remember all of the details of that conversation.
A common individual would be similar in that capacity, but not necessarily in relation to what is directly affecting them, more so in relation to whatever is occurring outside of them; that is where their primary attention will be directed. Therefore in that scenario, if the individual was engaging a conversation and some action occurred in the room, it is likely that they would divert their attention from the conversation to whatever was occurring in the room – not that that is directly AFFECTING of them, but it is some action that is imagery that is being expressed outside of them, and that would become more of their primary attention.
I would express for an intermediate individual or for a common individual, it is less likely, or less natural, for either of those orientations to be engaging several actions at the same time. Whereas, this would be a natural function for a soft individual, that it is easy for them to divide their attention, therefore they also can engage more than one action in one time framework.
ANN: So that would be another example of how commons and intermediates are a little more similar than softs?
ELIAS: In a certain capacity. I would express that in some capacities, yes, there are similarities between common and intermediate individuals, and in certain capacities, common and intermediate individuals can interact fairly well. But I would also express that intermediate and soft individuals interact somewhat more easily, for the soft individual does incorporate that ability to divide attention.
ELIAS: And therefore, it is not bothersome to a soft individual to be interactive with an intermediate individual. There are some factors with common individuals that they would become impatient with an intermediate individual, whereas there is more of a capacity for a soft individual to be interactive with an intermediate individual and NOT become impatient.
ELIAS: Those two orientations, if you are mixing orientations, those two connect or jell together rather well.
ELIAS: I would express, for a SOFT individual, intermediates are likely the easiest for them to connect and interact with, for other soft individuals can be difficult and can be annoying each other. (Ann chuckles)
Common individuals, in relation to soft individuals, present somewhat more difficulty, for their manner in processing information is so different, but intermediate individuals incorporate a tendency to mix or jell rather well with soft individuals.
ANN: Mm-hm. I have a lot of softie friends on the list!
ELIAS: (Laughs) Intermediates also do move well with other intermediates if they are aware of their orientations.
ELIAS: For if they are aware of their orientations, they generate allowances.
ELIAS: If they are NOT aware of their orientations, they can be almost as irritating to each other as two soft individuals.
ANN: Yeah. Well, I think I might have experienced that a little bit. It’s just interesting to me, it seems like some of the things that I was remarking or noticing, you know, whether “I just said that” or “you weren’t paying attention” is what has been said to me. (Both laugh) That’s why I was thinking it might have something to do with his orientation.
ELIAS: Yes, in part. Yes.
ANN: In part. But anyhow, enough of that. (Elias laughs) I really want to talk about relationships and how you had said to me before that it’s all the same relationship – you know, the relationship I have with a friend, a lover, a brother, a car, a house. So that I want to talk about, and also Fontine has a question. I guess maybe we can start here with this question: Does relationship mean two? Like do you have to have two separate, or seemingly separate, parts to have a relationship? Is that true?
ELIAS: Define “separate parts.”
ANN: Okay, to have a relationship there has to be one and then another. Well, it could be yourself, you could have a relationship with yourself but it would be… Okay. Two different points of view, maybe, or two different… It seems like there has to be two of something to have a relationship. It’s like a lamp can’t have a relationship with itself, but with a light bulb it can have a relationship with, with the part that goes… Elias, you’re supposed to be doing the defining! You know this stuff! (Both laugh)
I don’t know! It just seems there needs to be two… Okay. In my mind a relationship is any me with anything that seems outside of myself, or another part of myself. Because how can you have a relationship if there’s not two points of view or two things coming up against each other, how they relate to each other?
ANN: So something has to relate to something else, so that means there has to be at least be two.
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
ANN: Thank you. (Both laugh) It took me a while to get there.
So, there has to be something to relate to something else to have a relationship.
ANN: Okay. So now…
ELIAS: In your reality.
ELIAS: In your reality, that would be an accurate definition of it, yes.
ANN: But not in your reality?
ANN: Oh, okay.
ELIAS: But – for the purpose of discussion and for your reality, yes, that is correct.
ANN: Okay. So it all being the same relationship makes sense to me from the point that I have the same relationship with everything because it’s me, I’m the common thing, and I was trying to get my head around that a bit about, let’s say I have relationship… Just to make it easier for now, there’s three different people, and I can have three very different-looking relationships. Like, one relationship with a person can be very easy, another one may be difficult and another one may be challenging or something. And I’m thinking, okay, if it’s all the same relationship and they all look very different, but it’s the same relationship because Person A may exhibit certain characteristics that I respond a certain way to, and Person B may exhibit different characteristics that I respond a certain way to, and if Person A had the characteristics that Person B did, I would maybe have the same kind of relationship with Person A as I did with Person B, but I’m responding to the characteristics, or whatever is being shown to me at that time? Did that make sense?
ELIAS: Yes, I am understanding what you are expressing, but what you expressed previously is the most accurate, that the reason that all of the relationships are basically the same is that you are the common factor in all of them.
ELIAS: And you being the common factor in all of them, it is a matter of what you do in all of them that is important. And also, what you do in each of them determines how you define them.
The relationship that you express with your grocer is determined by the actions that you engage with that individual. The relationship that you have with your children appears to be different from the relationship that you have with a lover, or a partner, for it is determined by what you DO with those different individuals, what role you play in each of these relationships, and you incorporate different actions with each of them. It is not that relationship itself is so different; it is not. It is the factor that you change your behavior in association with what role you assign yourself in each relationship.
But when I express to you that it matters not that relationships are all basically the same, actually they are, for it is not merely a factor that you are the common denominator in every relationship, but it is a matter of the relationships are developed and expressed in how you interact, whether that be paying attention to yourself or not paying attention to yourself, which determines also how successful each relationship will be.
Even in regard to objects, or mechanics, it matters not whether it is your relationship to nature, whether it is your relationship to a creature, to a vehicle, to an individual and the many different expressions of relationships with individuals, it is –
ANN: Okay, can I stop you for just a second?
ANN: Okay. So when you say [that] in the relationship it matters if we’re paying attention to ourself, and whatever these relationship affects our relationship, I’m thinking, like when I’m paying attention to myself and what I’m doing, that is creating the relationship.
ANN: That is like if I’m hurrying trying to tie a shoe really fast and clumsily; it’s not going to work as well because I’m expressing this energy of hurriedness or bothersome or whatever, versus if I just stop and, you know, very carefully pay attention to what I’m doing and then that would work out better.
Okay. I think I get it, I just can’t explain it. Um… So it’s not just the other person, or it’s not the object, we are creating the relationship by what we’re… ? I know you’ve said this a billion times; I’m just kind of feeling it on a different level, but… Okay, you go ahead and talk, I’m just assimilating here, so...
ELIAS: That is acceptable, and you are correct, it is a matter of if you want a relationship to be successful, it is a matter of establishing the foundation, which is paying attention to you.
ELIAS: What does that mean, to pay attention to you?
ELIAS: What that means is paying attention to what you do, how you respond in any situation, what you feel or trigger in relation to what may be occurring and what the other individual expresses or chooses, how you feel affected, if you ARE affected. It is paying attention to what directly involves you and what does not.
ANN: Okay, now let me stop you again here.
ELIAS: Very well.
ANN: I feel a little anxious because I feel like I’m starting to grasp something new, but I feel like my hands are on this little slippery rock and I want to get it, I don’t want to fall off. I just was thinking, like I’m starting to get really how like Bashar says, [that] circumstance don’t matter, state of being matters, and sometimes you hear this so much that it just becomes words. But I’m starting really to get how what I am doing, everything around me can be totally different depending upon me. I am starting to get how I am, you know, the creator or whatever, that I am this point of power for myself that can affect how things happen. And then I’m feeling really good and really powerful, and then I will notice this anxiety coming up, and then I’m like, What…? Gosh, Elias, I feel so fumbling today, but I do feel like I’m starting to get it.
And then I start to… just maybe think, Well, if I can’t think of the association, or if I can’t figure out the association that caused this anxiety I won’t be able to get past it…. I think maybe it feels so big that I have to figure all this stuff out, become aware of everything that’s happening. Like it seems to me to be like a lot of information to try to figure out, and then I guess I wonder if I’m going to be able to do it. I don’t know…
ELIAS: Very well. Let me express to you, in one sense it IS a lot of information. But – I would also express that perhaps you are complicating and overwhelming yourself with it, for although it is actually a lot of information, that is not to say that it is necessary for you to objectively process it all.
ELIAS: In that, if you are beginning to feel an anxiety, using that as an example.
ELIAS: It is not always necessary for you to analyze the situation and for you to actually define immediately what the association is. Let me express to you that eventually you will recognize it. Eventually, as you continue to move in that direction, you will present that information to yourself and you will recognize, “This is the association. I can define it.” And you may define it in a time framework in which you may not actually even experiencing it.
ELIAS: For you are not being triggered by it. But that is not the most immediate expression to pay attention to. It is definitely beneficial to identify associations eventually, but immediately in a situation in which you are experiencing an anxiety, it is not entirely important or necessary for you to identify what the association is. It IS important for you to pause and to recognize that you are being triggered, and in that, it is important to express two actions. One is to acknowledge that some aspect of your senses created this trigger. Your associations are always triggered by senses. Therefore, to empower yourself in the moment when you ARE feeling the anxiety, the first action is to pause and merely acknowledge, “I am being triggered, and some input of one of my senses triggered me.”
ANN: It’s not a thought?
ELIAS: It translates into a thought –
ANN: But it starts with a sense!
ELIAS: – and ends with one of your senses, or more than one of your senses, but it always begins with sense input – some input of information that your senses have connected to: a sight, a sound, a smell, a touch, it matters not. And it can be a combination of them.
But generally speaking, it is not necessary for it to be a very obvious input, either. You may not even notice it, which is generally the situation and which is the reason that when it occurs, for most individuals it seems random and it seems unconnected to anything that you can identify. The reason for that is that it is being triggered by some sense input. In that, once you acknowledge to yourself, “This is a trigger, and this is connected with one or more of my senses,” – and it is not necessary for you to even immediately identify what the trigger was!
At times you may identify and know and generate the ability to define what the trigger was, or in the least, what a part of the trigger was, but at times you may not. That is not ultimately important either. What is significant in the moment is to first acknowledge that and then to be expressing certain questions to yourself, and the purpose of asking these questions for presenting the questions to yourself is that in doing so, you are communicating to your body consciousness. Even if you are not objectively aware that that is what you are doing in the moment, that IS what is occurring when you present certain questions to yourself. You are presenting the questions to establish what the pattern of the association is. All of them have patterns. It does not SEEM to be that they have patterns, for you are not paying attention to them, but they do. In this, as I have expressed previously, the most effective manner to begin that is to begin incorporating time, which instructs the body consciousness, “Now we are paying attention to patterns. What is the pattern that is generated with this association and this trigger?”
It is important to move your attention to environment and time. Therefore, you accomplish several actions simultaneously. One, you accomplish moving your attention away from the feeling, which dissipates the feeling, for it is not being offered that energy to feed it. It does not eliminate the feeling entirely, but it does dissipate it. It also moves you in a distraction in which you become occupied with an evaluation; even if you do not offer yourself an absolute or a defined answer, it matters not, for the process is what is empowering. It moves you away from the feeling, and it moves you in a different direction. It instructs the body consciousness to be moving differently also.
When you are experiencing anxiety, your body consciousness immediately reacts. It reacts in tensions, it changes your breathing, it changes your heart rate, it changes your nervous system and how your nervous system is functioning. All of these actions are occurring within your body consciousness that you are not aware of. You are not paying attention to any of those actions. But by incorporating certain actions such as paying attention or focusing your attention in your visual sense, your hearing sense, your touch sense, your smell sense: “What is occurring in my environment in this moment? What do I see? What do I feel? What do I hear? What do I smell? What is the temperature?” And presenting the questions to yourself, “What time of day is it? What day of the week is it? What week of the month is it? What month of the year is it? What season am I in presently?” Those questions being presented to yourself are not only distracting your attention away from the feeling, but they are reinstructing the body consciousness. Once you begin to ask those questions and also pay attention to what is in your environment in that moment, what you do is you readjust your body consciousness to begin functioning naturally again. Your heart rate changes, your nervous system changes, your breathing changes, and that all aids in dissipating the feeling.
Now, yes, eventually and ultimately it is beneficial and significant to express that ability to define what the trigger is, what it means to you, what the feeling is and what the feeling means to you, and therefore ultimately identify what the association is.
But, I would express that there are many, many, many situations in which individuals – yourself included – may be feeling and may merely express a generalization in relation to that feeling: “I am anxious, I am restless, I am irritated, I am sad.” But in generalizing, you are not offering yourself specific information to help you define what you are doing. Therefore, how you help yourself define what you are feeling is inquiring of yourself, “I am feeling anxious. What does that mean to me? What is this feeling of anxiety? What does it mean to me?” That aids you in becoming more clear in relation to what you are feeling and therefore what you are doing.
At times you may be anxious for you are engaging a conversation with your partner or with a friend, and perhaps they express some comment to you and you react and are automatically feeling anxious. What occurred in that moment? What does that anxiety mean to you in that moment? In that particular moment it may mean that you are feeling that the other individual is devaluing you; therefore you feel devalued. In a different moment, that expression or that identification of anxiety may be entirely different. It may not BE devaluing. It may be related to anticipating a consequence. In another moment it may be anticipating a threat, or being presented with a threat.
There are many different meanings to a feeling, and each situation defines what that feeling means in that moment. If you do not understand what you are feeling, it is much more difficult to understand what you are doing, and it is much more difficult to present yourself with choices. And if you cannot present yourself with choices, it is very difficult to empower yourself.
ANN: It seems like if I have a feeling of anxiety and I start to think about it, I can see how maybe the value might trigger, but it seems like it attracts all the other feelings that I might start thinking about not being valued, but then I might start thinking that feeling I also associate with, you know, security or something.
ANN: And then they are get jumbled together all of a sudden. It becomes like this little fast thing, but I guess it’s just a matter of paying attention. And then it all gets jumbled together.
ELIAS: Yes, and that is a part of not defining what you are expressing. That is a part of generalizing. But when you are in that moment and you are piecing the puzzle together – which does not incorporate much time; you can do this action in a matter of seconds, whereas it may incorporate minutes for me to explain it. (Ann chuckles)
In this, in the moment, when you begin to feel the anxiety and you question yourself, “What does this anxiety mean to me in this moment, in this situation?”, it is a very quick evaluation of what is actually occurring in the moment. And in that, even if you present to yourself initially, let us say hypothetically, five different definitions of the anxiety, very quickly you can eliminate four of the five. “Is it actually this? Am I actually feeling anxiety, and the meaning of this anxiety is that I am insecure in this moment? Mm, perhaps not. Is it that I am anticipating a consequence? Not necessarily. Is it that I am feeling devalued in this moment? Perhaps so. Is it that I am defining this as a threat? No, not necessarily.”
ANN: Okay, so let’s take this very moment right now – and it’s not bad, I feel a little anxious right now, not bad, but talking to you I’m thinking, “Am I going to be able to get this? And am I going to be able to remember all this? Am I going to be able to pay attention? Do I have the ability to do this?” So…
ELIAS: Now; very well, now define that. All that you expressed can be defined in one expression. What is it?
ANN: Inadequacy. I mean, I’m feeling inadequate.
ELIAS: Which is devaluing.
ANN: Of course! It always seems to come back to that!
ELIAS: In that, it is a matter in this moment you can practice.
ELIAS: Now; what is the formula? What is the method? You are feeling the feelings. You have identified that this is a feeling of being inadequate.
ELIAS: Therefore you are devaluing yourself.
Now; what have I expressed for you to do?
ANN: “What does it mean to me?”
ELIAS: You already expressed that. You defined what it means to you.
ANN: So, “What is the feeling?”
ELIAS: Now; what did I express for you to do?
ANN: Ah… go back to my senses. “What do I see, hear, or feel?” That one?
ANN: So, what I see, you know…
ELIAS: Remembering that this is a puzzle. It can be input from any of your senses, but one of them is inputting a trigger. As you expressed, “Devaluing: this again. This is familiar.”
ELIAS: Therefore, it is a matter of paying attention: One of your senses is inputting information that is triggering you, that is triggering this association with devaluing yourself: “inadequacy.” Now, how you also identify a part of the trigger is what? What do you do? Other than your senses, what do you?
ANN: What time of day?
ELIAS: Correct. “What day is it? What time of day is it? Is it morning? Is it afternoon? Is it evening?” You are establishing patterns!
[The timer for the end of the session rings]
Remember: the pattern and the senses. “What day is it? What week is it? What month is it? What season is it?” For that allows you that piece of the puzzle of the pattern that this is more likely to be triggered in certain times than in other times.
ELIAS: And therefore at certain times, you are more likely to be in certain environments than other environments. Are you alone? Are you in a particular familiar environment? What does that environment mean to you? What are the components of that environment? These are all factors that establish the patterns that help you to see what triggers you.
One aspect what is triggering you is you are engaging conversation with myself, and you – for the most part, with a few exceptions – view or perceive myself as an authority. (Ann laughs) Infrequently you do allow yourself to generate a new association and a new perception in relation to myself in which you view us as friends, which is different, in your definition, from authority. And in those time frameworks, you are much less likely to express anxiety with me.
ELIAS: Also, the subject matter. This is all part of the environment and what you are doing.
ELIAS: The subject matter: If you are discussing time travel or other focuses, or some other subject that you deem to be more cosmic and more playful, you are also less likely to generate anxiety, even if you are in that time framework perceiving me as more of an authority. You are more willing to accept that authority in relation to those subjects, for they are more fluid. They are more open-ended, in a manner of speaking. But – in relation to subjects such relationships, this is more absolute. It is more solid; not as fluid. There are more right and wrong answers. There are more right and wrong actions, in your perception. Therefore that is a difference, and viewing myself as an authority in relation to the more right-and-wrong answers, that creates an opening for that feeling of inadequacy.
ELIAS: But what generates that? That is not being generated by myself. It is not being generated by your experience with myself. It is an old association. Therefore your senses are triggering in relation to what you are objectively are engaging. But in some other experience, you generated an association that authority is not always trustworthy, for it can devalue you.
ELIAS: For it can generate this feeling within you of being inadequate; therefore it is not always trustworthy, and you are skeptical and uncomfortable.
ELIAS: That is not a “now trigger.” It is not a trigger that is associated with your experiences with myself.
ELIAS: For that has not occurred between you and I. It occurred in some other experience that you generated an association with that label of “bad” – bad experience.
ELIAS: And in that, any other experience that resembles it is subject to the trigger. But the trigger is not myself. It is not you engaging myself. In your environment there is some sense input that is generating the trigger.
ANN: So, if I were in a completely different environment, different time of day right now, speaking to you, and the environment that I was in had nothing, no sense trigger, I would not have the anxiety?
ANN: Hm. Boy, Elias, you give me… (both laugh) oh god, so much to think about! You talk about a puzzle, I don’t even know if I can find the pieces of the puzzle, let alone putting the pieces together! (Elias laughs) But I’ll give it a go!
ELIAS: Oh no, my friend, that is you following through with the discounting and the association, and I would express, “No.” I heartedly disagree with you. You are an intelligent, sensitive, interconnected individual and being, and yes, you can discover the puzzle pieces and you can put the puzzle together.
ANN: Well, when you say it like that Elias, I believe it! (Both laugh) All right. Well, our time is up, Elias. Thank you. I enjoy talking to you.
ELIAS: You are very welcome, my dear friend. Much food for thought.
ANN: Yeah! (Both laugh) It’s like a feast! I have a feast set before me. What will I eat first!? (Both laugh)
ELIAS: I so enjoy keeping you busy.
ANN: And you shall! Boy! (Both laugh) I really am going to be paying attention, paying attention, paying attention. (Elias laughs) So, any paying-attention energy you want to send my way, as long as it’s not like stubbing my toe or something, I will accept it.
ELIAS: Very well. (Both laugh) I express tremendous encouragement to you, my friend, and great supportiveness also. (Laughs)
ANN: Thank you, Elias.
ELIAS: In great lovingness to you, my dear friend , until our next meeting, au revoir.
ANN: Au revoir.
Copyright 2012 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.