Session 200705031

Session 20070503 (2263)
“Allowing Yourself to Genuinely Express”
“Projecting Energy in Interactions”
“Creativity within Structure”
“Hypnosis Caveats”
“Evaluating Attraction to Another”

Thursday, May 3, 2007 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Anon

ELIAS: Good morning!

ANON: Good morning.

ELIAS: (Chuckles) And what shall we discuss?

ANON: Yes, I’d like to start with the dance that I went to on Tuesday, and I just have two questions about that. Firstly, I felt like when I was saying goodbye I was running out of energy and didn’t know exactly who to approach or how to say goodbye. And I understand from our last session that we were discussing the relationship between myself and other people and that it was information on why particular people were responding the way they did, in terms of if I was hesitating then they would respond in that matter. But I wanted to also address my own feelings about addressing to my own hesitation, why I was feeling in a particular way. So, the first question I would like to talk about with regard to my feelings was that this hesitation, or this lack of expressive energy, has come up sometimes in dance. Sometimes it’s been absent and I’ve been able to be expressive, but I’m just trying to understand why exactly that sort of feeling came up. And it meant that I didn’t really give anybody a hug goodbye and I was hesitating and that I didn’t want them to feel like I was overriding an impulse. I didn’t feel I wanted to wish them goodbye unless I felt the feeling, too. But I don’t necessarily need to question that feeling, but I know what types of feelings I was having at the time, and my first question is with regard to that.

ELIAS: And what WERE you feeling, besides the hesitation?

ANON: I was feeling kind of a bit sad, and I was feeling kind of a bit inadequate in that the other people, I noticed, were not understanding me to be as energetic or expressive, and I was feeling like I was sad but not showing it.

ELIAS: And what do you perceive was the motivation for you to not be expressing yourself?

ANON: I think an overall feeling, a comparison with my expectations of how well I perceived I could feel with these people or this group, and my comparison between how that group and another were interacting with each other, and that a lot of people come and they already have friends, and [with] myself, to be a new person interacting with them and going alone. It was a comparison between my feelings in terms of how I know I can feel and how I was.

ELIAS: Therefore, what you are doing is preventing yourself from expressing your own natural flow in generating anticipations of how that will be received rather than merely allowing your own freedom. And that generates an anxiety or a fear that you will be perceived in a manner that is unacceptable or inappropriate.

Let me express to you, my friend, it may be actually surprising to you how other individuals receive your energy when you are actually allowing yourself the freedom to be expressive and to be comfortable in whatever you are feeling, whether it be sadness or whether it be compassion or whether it be that you want to embrace another individual. These types of expressions, when you are being genuine and not hesitating and not concerning yourself with other individuals’ perceptions, are actually received quite well and reflected back to you in a manner that you can appreciate. But when you hesitate in this manner and when you deny yourself your own expression and your natural flow, what you do is precisely what you fear. You create an energy which holds other individuals at bay, and it generates a type of shielding. And in that, you produce yourself AS an outsider rather than allowing yourself to join.

ANON: I see that. I can imagine myself in my mind revealing things, such as I could say things like I’m finding it hard to say goodbye or I’m finding it hard to be open, or things that I generally in the past would find as unacceptable feelings in that they would cause pressure. But it is a question that I’m putting: Would it be a beneficial process to imagine myself expressing that, which I would sometimes deem unacceptable or pressuring, and imagine in my mind the other person receiving that as more genuine?

ELIAS: Yes. That would be beneficial and would offer you an avenue in which you can practice allowing yourself to feel and experience what you are, and that is acceptable, that it is not inappropriate or unacceptable to feel sad or to feel that you express a closeness with other individuals and you appreciate them and you appreciate their company and interacting with them. This is not an inappropriate expression, but you generate a negative association with these types of expressions as they may appear to generate some sign of weakness, when in actuality what that expresses in energy to other individuals is sensitivity. And that IS received, and that is generally also quite appreciated.

ANON: I can see that by not opening up, this process of rigidly deciding what I should and should not express is actually preventing the opening-up process. And sometimes when I imagine in my mind the things I would share TO open up, I find that they are idealized and that I could say them, but I’m working towards sharing a bit. And it’s actually not a question; it’s more of a comment. And unless you have a further comment to that, I have another upcoming question.

ELIAS: I would express to you that this may be a beneficial process and practice for you, but I would also suggest that you allow yourself to become comfortable with your own expressions and not push yourself into the idea of the ideal you, for that can be a trap also. For in that, you may begin comparing yourself with this ideal image of yourself, and that can create disappointment and discounting of yourself. Therefore, I would suggest that in your practicing in imagining yourself to be interacting freely and expressive, do that in a manner that is genuinely you.

ANON: Okay. The next question I have is regarding a specific individual who I met at a dance, and I wanted to understand more about what that individual was feeling or offering or projecting at the time. She asked me to join with her to go to a theater show, and at the time she was asking she seemed very nervous in that she was shaking when she was asking me. And she felt nervous at other times after that when I’ve approached her, and although she was nervous I felt that I was accepting of that. And I’m wondering if that type of energy is different to certain types of hesitation, and also in what manner? And also if there’s anything else I can understand about how that individual was feeling?

ELIAS: This is an interesting situation, for there are many factors. One is associated with YOUR energy, in that you are moving in the direction of attempting to be somewhat more open and therefore allowing yourself to receive somewhat more, but you continue to generate some elements of shielding. And in that, you project a particular type of energy in your interactions, and therefore that is reflected in the manner in which the other individual is interactive with you.

Now, I will express with this individual that there is a difference in generating nervousness but also allowing for the expression, even though that may be somewhat frightening, for it may be somewhat unfamiliar for the other individual to be approaching and inviting, but it is not hesitating.

This also offers you an example that, in similar manner to yourself, other individuals may be more familiar with hesitating but may also be attempting to move beyond that and allow themself to risk and to engage and to allow themselves to BE expressive, regardless that it may be initially somewhat uncomfortable, for the individual may be somewhat uncertain but allowing regardless. Therefore, this provides one, a reflection to you of your own nervousness; it also provides an example to you of generating the ability to actually move beyond that, express the risk and be successful in your expression and to actually generate what you want by allowing yourself to override the hesitation and to actually express.

I would express to you that the other individual is being genuine but also incorporates some nervousness. This can also be an example to you in how you alter your energy to create a more comfortable situation, in which if you are allowing yourself to be comfortable and relaxed, the other individual will be more relaxed also.

ANON: I see. On a related note, in the previous session you mentioned that if I feel or sense hesitation in that, like in particular if I’m going to send an email or going to make contact by phone, if I feel hesitation in my body and yet I override that, you said that that particular process generates the disappointment, because in the process I’m projecting the opposing energy. And I have a somewhat hypothetical question in that. So, provided that it’s the opposing energy that is generating that disappointment, if I hold that opposing energy but I decide to not act, to not send an email or to not engage, does the individual perceive that in terms of they are aware or maybe thinking that I am feeling or generating that opposing energy, but I’m not projecting it?

ELIAS: Are you inquiring as to whether they receive that energy regardless of whether you are engaging them or not? Or are you inquiring as to whether they reconfigure that energy, recognizing that you are attempting to prevent yourself from expressing outwardly that opposing energy?

ANON: It is the first question. I want to know if I choose not to send the email when I am feeling the opposing energy, what is the response, generally speaking? And can it be beneficial in that the individual wouldn’t receive that energy in the same manner or in the same intensity, in terms of it would be advantageous to not override that?

ELIAS: That would depend upon the situation. For in certain situations, yes, it would be beneficial NOT to engage in moments in which you are aware of that opposing energy, but in other situations it may be received regardless of whether you are actually engaging or not.

Energy is different than physical interaction, for energy is not limited to the boundaries of physical interaction. And energy can be expressed and can be received without physical interaction or actual communications in verbal language or in writing. Therefore, it would depend upon the situation.

As an example, if you are feeling or noticing an opposing energy within yourself and you have not been engaging another individual within that time framework, and you perhaps want to write to another individual but you notice that you are generating this opposing energy within yourself, it is more contained to you. And therefore, if you do not engage expressing outwardly, you would not be projecting that energy to the other individual, and they would not be receiving it.

ANON: I see.

ELIAS: But if you were engaging another individual within that time framework and notice that you were generating that opposing energy within yourself and you chose to STOP engaging, that energy may be received regardless. For in that situation, you are already projecting that energy outwardly.

Let me clarify in this, for in actuality you are projecting that energy outwardly regardless, in either situation. But in one situation you are not projecting it in the direction of another individual; you are merely projecting it more generally around you.

ANON: Okay.

ELIAS: Therefore, it is not as concentrated or as dense. But if you ARE engaging another individual, the other individual becomes a type of focal point, and your energy becomes more directed. And therefore, it will be projected more specifically rather than generally, and the other individual will receive it regardless of whether you actually physically interact or not.

ANON: Okay. The next question I have is so far, when I go to a type of dance which is considered unrestricted in expression, I’ve still found that I don’t find that I enjoy it, in that I feel like I still hesitate and I still feel like it’s different from a type of dance where there is some structure to it. And it’s my own assessment that having some structure or some pattern of behavior that’s normal is an important balance for me to have. And my question is, I’d like to be able to basically walk into any type of dance, or an unstructured dance, and feel comfortable to be more expressive, not just accepting of myself but also to be filled with the energy of a kind of freedom and fun. And my question is, what are different steps I can take to work toward that?

ELIAS: Very well. First of all, let me express to you that in relation to your energy and your personality, structure is a beneficial element. Some individuals move quite naturally and quite well with a lack of structure; some individuals are more comfortable and move more effectively if they do incorporate some structure.

Now; understand: I AM understanding your question and recognizing that you want to allow yourself the freedom to generate more spontaneity and allow yourself to be more expressive, which is valid. But also, it is important for you to recognize that your natural flow of energy moves more effectively with some structure—not necessarily an intense structure or rigidness, but with some structure.

Now; in this, my suggestion in how you can move towards that spontaneity and that freedom of being more expressive in more of a fluid manner would be to generate this in increments, to allow yourself to incorporate the dances that are somewhat more structured, but in that, allow yourself IN the structure to incrementally become more and more expressive. Allow yourself to express your own creativity and inventiveness, generating variations on a theme. And in that, you can move in the comfort of the structure, but you can practice with more spontaneity and creativity, allowing yourself to be more expressive.

In this manner, you can also, incrementally, move into situations in which the dance is more of a free expression, and you can incorporate some aspects of the structure of dances that allows you to feel comfortable but also allowing yourself to be more expressive. Therefore, you bring one into the other and allow yourself to incorporate a comfortable balance with both aspects. This will allow you to naturally flow in what is more comfortable for you, but also allows you the freedom and the opportunity to become inventive and creative and to generate more spontaneity.

ANON: I see. A related question I have is with regard to initiating and engaging. Whenever there is a situation which has some predictable social element to it, such as when I’m walking in the door and I’m saying hello to the person I’m working with, I feel that that aspect of predictability allows… With that there, I often am feeling some pressure and anticipation in regard to that. Now I also have ideas about things I feel that I want to share to allow that pressure to go away, in terms of I imagine myself getting to know that person better or sharing that I feel sometimes hard to… you know, that it’s hard for me to express things. Or in some elements, I think of making it up to them in a certain sense, that if I spend time with them later in the day and I’m comfortable with them then, then it’s a signal to them that there’s more situations of comfort than there are situations of un-comfort.

Now my question in regard to this is that it comes up very often where I have anticipation of where an individual will be and how they are responding, and I want to be able to move my own thoughts and my own feelings and my own visualizations to counter that type of response, in that the response itself is not negative but I want to move more in the direction of expressing and moving towards the feeling of feeling comfortable. Whereas that feeling of comfort comes up naturally and spontaneously on its own, I want to be able to initiate action where that action itself can include a process of visualization.

ELIAS: Offer an example in relation to the pressure.

ANON: The pressure is I am walking into work and the receptionist who is there, every time I open the door I’m already feeling anticipation about saying hi. And it would feel different, actually, if there was an unpredictable element, in that when I walk through the door it wasn’t expected of me in a certain sense to say hello, because if I were to not say hello, that would also seem to cause pressure. It is different. The situation and the differentiation can be expressed in terms of my going to a dance, where if I’m at a dance I can approach any individual and I have the choice to do so, but when I go into work and every day I see the same individual or I have the same imagination in my mind of where they are, I generate pressure in that situation in that they are there, I either say hello or I do not. And I’m aware of the pressure and am finding that of all types of situations, it comes up most frequently in the situation where there is this type of predictability.

ELIAS: And what creates the pressure is your perception that you must say hello and if you do not, that will be perceived as rude or inappropriate. And perhaps you do not WANT to say hello, or it may be tiresome that it is the same action each day.

ANON: I see.

ELIAS: Very well.

ANON: And if I had the choice and I was willing to dedicate the time to construct a visualization, something where I’m visualizing but also engaging my emotions, I would have the freedom of choice of what to visualize, and there are a number of different things I can visualize to imagine it dissolving that type of energy.

ELIAS: I am understanding. I would express to you that in order to change the monotony of the situation, it would be your choice to generate spontaneous, new and different approaches in each day, generating your OWN unpredictability and therefore creating a different situation each day when you enter your employment. In that, you can actually create a game in which each day you will enter in a different manner and create some type of action of unpredictability in which there becomes no longer this mundane expectation that you shall merely walk in and express hello.

ANON: Okay.

The next question I have is with regard to my interaction with others who are meant to provide a helping role, like a therapist or a friend. In particular, I would like to understand better my lack of response to hypnosis, in that that was one avenue of therapy or self-development that I looked into that I perceived as engaging the emotions and connecting with another individual. And I find a different type of feeling when I’m in a session of that type, and I wanted to understand more about likewise a type of baby steps type of approach to increase my response. So, the main focus of the question is in regard to my response to hypnosis, because it also in my mind is a response to another individual’s reception and suggestion.

And along with that is a side question on how I have responded to other individuals who have been in in that role, in that my initial assessment is that I find that I have a positive feeling about them helping, but to a certain extent I feel that they are distorting my development in a way or not reflecting what I’m saying. And there’s an interpretation that because I’m the only one who can initiate change, my interpretation has been that to a certain extent these individuals haven’t been completely listening or understanding of my situation and also are part of a certain philosophy or system of ideas which I might describe as limiting, such as a scientific approach or perceiving that I must always initiate. And in whatever manner, it means not reflecting exactly my own thought processes, and so I wanted to understand my interaction with others in that respect.

ELIAS: First of all, I would inquire to you, What would motivate you to engage a therapist that incorporates hypnosis if you are not necessarily in agreement with them?

ANON: I feel that I am in agreement with the hypnosis part in terms of emotions as having the potential to initiate change and being in touch with emotions as a potential of initiating change. The type of ideas that I would be less in agreement with would be more of a scientific approach and trying to basically disregard how I’m feeling and looking at things objectively. But I do feel a connection with the hypnosis that my experience with others who have responded has been that they have been engaged emotionally and that has been an element of change. And so, I agree with the idea of it, but to a certain extent it’s been my response that has been not what I initially anticipated.

ELIAS: Very well. First of all, I would express to you that contrary to what some individuals express, not every individual can be engaged with hypnosis, for this is dependent upon the individual’s willingness to let go, in your terms. What I am expressing in that is, it is a matter of the individual’s willingness to engage a relaxation to the extent in which they allow themselves to defocus themself. And for some individuals, which you would be one, that can be somewhat unsettling, for it creates the threat of a lack of control. And in that, it can also create the threat and the fear that if you are generating a lack of control of yourself that another individual can assume that control. Which is not what occurs, but founded or not, that can be a very real fear and a very real concern.

In this, I would agree that for many individuals, hypnosis can be a method in which you can allow yourself to move into deeper or more expressive elements of yourself, and you can, in a manner of speaking, strip away the camouflage. And generally speaking, this action is more effective if you engage a facilitator, which would be another individual.

I would also express that it is important to draw to yourself – or how you would perceive it, seek out – an individual that can be a facilitator in this action that you are comfortable with, one that shares similar philosophies as yourself, rather than merely engaging any individual as a facilitator that may express much differently from yourself and therefore enhance that shielding and enhance that threat within you of being out of control and being subject to the suggestions of the facilitator.

This may be a method that you could engage successfully, but the most important factor would be to discover an individual that you are comfortable with, first of all, and that you trust, for that will allow you to relax and quell your fears. In this, it is also important that you understand you are no more suggestible in the state of hypnosis—which in actuality is merely an exaggerated state of relaxation—than you are in your objective, waking state. You are all somewhat suggestible. In this, you are in actuality no more vulnerable within the state of hypnosis as you are in your objective, waking state. Therefore, you can assure yourself that what is occurring is your own discoveries and that the facilitator is not actually doing something to you.

ANON: Right.

ELIAS: In this, there are elements of hypnosis that can also be obstacles for some individuals, for most individuals incorporate preconceived ideas as to what hypnosis is and what it feels like. And when you begin, when you initiate this action of hypnosis, it may not necessarily feel in the manner that you expect. It may more feel that you are imagining, rather than actually experiencing. This creates an obstacle, for many individuals will create an automatic response to that, generating a thought process that it is not being accomplished, it is not real, and therefore there is a resistance. And there is what you may term to be a break in the relaxation, and the individual will return to their objective state.

Hypnosis is also an objective state, but somewhat of an altered objective state, for it is what you may term to be an extreme relaxation. You can engage this action yourself and be successful. And perhaps that may be beneficial for you to practice, allowing yourself to become more familiar with the feeling of that type of relaxation, and perhaps that will allow you to generate more ease in engaging another individual as the facilitator.

ANON: I see.

The next question I have is with regard to beliefs and ideas of friendship, compared to a male-female relationship. And along with this, I have ideas about what it means to take a risk, what it means to be revealing, and I have ideas of how I actually want things to go or how I think things are, in terms of I feel like ideally it should be comfortable to make a friend without having an expectation that the reason is for that would be leading to a male-female relationship. And although I may feel that way, I feel that there is a distinction in the response of others in that it seems that it’s not possible. There’s sometimes a comment that people say, “Why can I not have both the love and friendship but also the male and female sexuality?” Like there is a division that I perceive in others--you know, like a mass idea—in that there is the difficulty in having both or having even just one of them, because there is such a division. And I want to understand how my idealisms about it are maybe reinforcing such an idea or making it more difficult for me to work within that framework and actually have one or the other or both, in that to a certain extent perhaps I’m not understanding my own responses completely.

And I’m also quite not sure how this idealism I have is being reflected, in that I feel like I’m just basically disagreeing with how other people may perceive it. And I’m open to having a friendship, but I feel that to a certain extent there are mass ideas that I’ve been involved with. And I want to understand my role in that and how I can play within that role, or understand why I’ve been put in that role and still achieve what everybody else hopes to achieve.

ELIAS: Very well. Relationships, and the subject of relationships, can be complicated. For you are correct, there are many, many associations with different types of relationships, and there are distinctions that individuals generate in association with relationships. There are distinctions between family relationships, friendships, romantic relationships. And in that, you generate different guidelines and different expectations in relation to different relationships. There are appropriate and inappropriate behaviors associated with each different type of relationship. There are acceptabilities in some relationships, and there are taboos in other relationships.

In this, it can become complicated, although you can incorporate a friendship as a male and a female individual without engaging a romantic relationship, or you can generate a sexual relationship without generating a friendship, and you can also generate a friendship AND a romantic relationship.

It is a matter first of all of genuinely being aware of attraction and what you are attracted to. This becomes a very large snare for most individuals. For most individuals, being genuinely unaware of themselves and not interpreting their own information accurately, they move in automatic responses. And in that, one of the most common automatic responses is to generate the association of attraction with sexuality. And that creates confusion, and therein many times creates a complication. For in actuality, there are many times in which individuals are attracted to each other but it may not necessarily be a sexual attraction. They may translate it into that, which is a distortion, and generally that creates difficulties eventually and disappointments and conflict.

But if you are genuinely paying attention to yourself and evaluating, genuinely, what your attraction is with a particular individual, you CAN actually discern what you are attracted to. You may be attracted to an individual’s appearance, but you may also be attracted to their energy, how they express themselves, how they move, perhaps how they engage humor, how they express their own ideals and philosophies. Perhaps you may be attracted to physical activities that you may incorporate a commonality with the individual, but you may not necessarily be attracted in a manner that involves sexuality. And it is a matter of genuinely evaluating more precisely what IS your attraction to another individual.

In this, I would express to you that although you are correct, there are quite definite distinctions in association with different types of relationships, it is not impossible to create what you are expressing as your ideal. And the manner in which you can practice accomplishing that more effectively is to genuinely define what your attractions are and to allow yourself the comfort of expressing yourself in each situation in relation to what you are actually feeling, rather than what is expected.

ANON: Okay. I have one last question, and it’s in regard to this subject. And of the three possibilities you mentioned in either being attracted as a friend, attracted purely romantically and both, the one of those three that has been least attainable so far has been the attraction to an individual but not necessarily as a close friend, so it’s the romantic without the expectation of continued friendship. Now in that idea, I feel that if I’ve not had experiences about that type of situation, it feels that I’m denying a part of my expression. My idea if I were to approach somebody else would be that it’s related to taking a risk, and also it’s a matter of trying to read or connect with another individual’s interest in perceiving that they would be interested in the same thing. And I’m just wanting to know what else I can understand about myself to move closer to that as a possibility, and having that as like a possible playful encounter where it doesn’t necessarily involve a lot of these expectations that I usually assign to friendship.

ELIAS: That is dependent upon the energy that you are projecting. And the most significant factor is being comfortable in that energy, projecting an energy that you are genuinely comfortable in engaging sexual activity with another individual but not generating a romantic relationship. And in that, it is not as difficult as reading another individual’s energy or seeking out other individuals and generating complicated evaluations. It is much more simple. It is in actuality more a matter of the type of energy that you are projecting.

If you are generating a genuineness in not expressing an interest or an expectation of yourself that you SHOULD be expressing some type of involvement with another individual if you are engaging sexual activity with them, if YOU are comfortable within yourself in moving into that type of an expression, you will naturally draw other individuals to you that will also be expressing in similar manner. For the energy you project, my friend, can be likened to an immense magnet that surrounds you in every direction, and you are the source of that magnet. Whatever energy you are projecting, that magnet will seek out and draw in whatever matches it.

ANON: I see. I’m going to have to end right now because it’s come up to an hour’s time, but I appreciate your time and look forward to our next meeting then.

ELIAS: Very well, my friend. And I also shall be anticipating our next meeting. I offer you tremendous encouragement and great supportiveness in your movement. I express to you great appreciation and dear friendship. Au revoir.

(Elias departs after 1 hour 6 minutes)