Session 201406031


“Conflict About Being Alone”

Tuesday, June 3, 2014 (Private)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Lynda (Ruther)

ELIAS: Good morning!

LYNDA: Good morning! (Elias laughs) It’s okay; it’s all good!

How are we proceeding? How is your adventure? How is my emerging?

ELIAS: (Humorously) What are you accomplishing?

LYNDA: Shut up. (Elias laughs) I’m accomplishing a really challenging series of moments and doing my very level best to stay present with myself.

ELIAS: Excellent.

LYNDA: It’s hard, because, I don’t know if you have noticed, but we are in a wave, a religious wave, and it’s exacerbating the thinking...

ELIAS: (Humorously) I have been told!

LYNDA: You have! Well, that’s good. (Elias chuckles) The thinking piece has gone berserk, I realize, and with me it triggers feelings, so I’m.... I’m calm. I’m just going to read my notes. I’m going to get Goat Goddess’ question out of the way first.

Dear Margaret, in New Zealand, I think, or Australia, has an impression about my kittens. She gave me two names, which I don’t remember. One starts with a C and one starts with an L. She thinks they are fragmented. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that kittens don’t fragment, but what I think her impression is is that they were names that I gave the creatures in a way past focus when they were configured as something other than that.

ELIAS: Yes.

LYNDA: Horses?

ELIAS: No.

LYNDA: Kitties? No.

ELIAS: No.

LYNDA: Oh, you gave me that look. Not guinea pigs, dogs? (Laughs) You’re smiling. Not cats, not dogs, not horses – creatures though, goats? (Elias laughs) I had two goats and that’s what I named them? Oh, she will love that. Oh man, of course she tuned into that, the Goat Goddess. Thank you.

ELIAS: You are welcome.

LYNDA: I will tell her that. Let me get this out of the way... No, I can’t; I’ll save it for later.

What I wrote here is I thought we could have a little revelry-enforcing moment together, then I can get on with my new emerging in a more balanced way, because I’ve had some very intense feelings of overwhelm and alone. I’m making light of it now because I’m happy. The minute I see you I lighten up, so it’s like, “what do you mean, you are smiling.” But in the night, it’s not fun. Anyway, I’m just saying. I guess alone is part of what you said in the group session, we chose to be separated but we don’t necessarily have to suffer in aloneness because really we are not alone.

ELIAS: Yes.

LYNDA: There’s nothing that I can do about that except tell you that it is hard and I’m...

ELIAS: Let me offer to you, there is a difference between being alone and wanting to share with another individual or wanting to couple with another individual or wanting to incorporate other individuals in your life, in your experience, that you can share with consistently, even if it is not a partner. There is a difference between that, being alone, and being lonely. Being lonely is expressed from a base of not yet moving into that position of being satisfied and comfortable with yourself when you are alone.

LYNDA: Could we just stop right here? That would explain my Sundays, then, the hard Sundays for me, and that’s why I try to stay so busy. This does not mean that I am not an evolved spiritual being, it just explains why I don’t want to date, because that’s not what I am looking for and that’s why when I do bump into primary, the feeling of primary, the knowing, everything is wonderful.

ELIAS: It is a matter of becoming accustomed to incorporating time alone with yourself and not only appreciating that but letting go of the attachment of completion.

LYNDA: Which has a lot of constructs around it.

ELIAS: Yes.

LYNDA: This totally is going to help me understand the confusion about not wanting to date.

ELIAS: For as humans, generally speaking, in almost every society in your world, you develop this attachment that you should couple, you should couple yourself, and in that, there are constructs of that in relation to why, why you should couple yourself, not only in relation to developing a family but more so individually. One of the greatest constructs of that is that if you couple yourself, the other individual completes you, that you are somehow not whole if you are alone. This is a very strong and very pervasive construct, for this is what generates very strong influence in relation to feeling lonely.

You can be alone and want to incorporate fulfilling intimate relationships, and you can even express a type of longing for that if you are not engaging in that capacity, but that is different from the feeling of being lonely. The feeling of being lonely is an isolating feeling, and it carries with it an intensity in which you become unmotivated, you are at times immobilized and become consumed with this feeling of loneliness, and that generates trigger actions of discounting yourself, devaluing yourself, looking for what is wrong with you, generating assessments that you cannot accomplish, that you cannot be successful in regard to a relationship – many discounting expressions, and these all stem from that feeling of loneliness. The reason that individuals feel lonely is that they have not learned yet how to genuinely be satisfied with themselves, but in the capacity of recognizing that they may still incorporate that longing for a companion or for that intimacy in relationships.

What most individuals do, which you have done also, is you move in the black and white, that you must not want to have an intimate relationship, you must be self-reliant, and you must be focused upon yourself to the extent that no other individual is necessary or important in your life, and that you can move forward being yourself alone and not be lonely and not incorporate any longing – for if you are genuinely enlightened (Lynda laughs) and genuinely accepting of yourself, other individuals are not necessary. This is so very incorrect. You are not designed in this manner.

Even the individuals, who are vastly in the minority, that choose in a genuine manner not to be coupled with other individuals, it is such a part of you all to be connected and to generate that sharing in some capacity of intimacy, that those individuals will generally create strong friendships, and they generally will incorporate other types of companions, such as even yourself with your felines. But in that, that may be satisfying for some individuals – and as I expressed, this is the minority – most individuals genuinely in their beingness seek to be intimately involved with other individuals for a partner.

That is the piece that creates the difficulty in moving forward, for as I expressed, you think in the black and white terms that if you are accepting of yourself, if you are satisfied with yourself, if you are moving forward and if you are enlightened, you will not need another individual, which is not necessarily correct. You can be all of those expressions and also express a longing to incorporate that type of relationship in your life. In this, when you can accept that that is a part of being satisfied with your life, that you are satisfied with your life, [and] that you are satisfied and comfortable with what you are doing, but there are other factors that you also want.

LYNDA: Don’t you think that is true of me, and I have been trying to deny it?

ELIAS: Yes, very much so.

LYNDA: See, I thought I wasn’t supposed to have a partner, because I’ll never find anybody that loved me like Dan. I don’t literally think I mean that, but I might; I don’t know. It makes me cry.

ELIAS: And you also have very much moved in the idea that if you are genuinely satisfied with yourself you should not want to incorporate a partner.

LYNDA: Ah, that’s so sneaky, right.

ELIAS: Which is not true.

LYNDA: Right. I’m just telling you right now hearing this: all this time you have not been saying to me you don’t need a partner.

ELIAS: No.

LYNDA: You told me to date.

ELIAS: Yes.

LYNDA: I hate it, but I think what I did was I went in the direction of – okay, forgive me, Lynda – of comparing myself to John or something. I’m not John, although we’re counterpart, but I thought maybe there’s something askew with me that I can’t draw a partner to myself. I think it was like you said earlier to me, I don’t know what I want or I’m confused about that.

ELIAS: I would express that your confusion is more not allowing yourself to be you and to express what you want. Your confusion is comparing yourself with other individuals and generating the idea that you should not want that or that that is shallow or that you are not as wide as another individual that may be comfortable in not incorporating a partner. But those are differences, and in that, it is a matter of accepting within yourself that being self-reliant and being comfortable and being satisfied with your life and your direction, for the most part, does not mean you should not want a partner.

Conversely, wanting a partner does not mean that you are less than or that you are not self-reliant or that you are not satisfied with yourself. The struggle in that creates the discounting and allows for the continuation of that construct of not being completed without a partner.

LYNDA: The discounting part, all right. We are talking about it, another step of talking about it...

ELIAS: And that is what creates that overwhelming feeling of loneliness.

LYNDA: I don’t know what to do. How do I start to unravel the constructs?

ELIAS: It is not that difficult. It is not as complicated as you may think. This conversation is the first step, which has already been accomplished. In this, it is merely a matter of recognizing, acknowledging. Remember, what is acknowledgment? Acceptance...

LYNDA: ...and appreciation.

ELIAS: Let me express to you, what is acceptance in acknowledgments?

LYNDA: That this is really me.

ELIAS: And not to change it, that it does not need to be changed. It does not need to be fixed. It does not need to be denied or changed or altered. That is acknowledgment, that you recognize it but you accept it, that you do incorporate significant aspects of your life that you are self-sufficient, that you are self-reliant, that you are comfortable, that you are satisfied, but there are also aspects that you want.

LYNDA: Right, and now I can draw those to me.

ELIAS: And it is not bad; it is not wrong; it is not unenlightened.

LYNDA: (Laughs) I don’t really know if I want to live with somebody yet. Which, I want a visitor. Look at my pattern – I’ve always had visitors, right?

ELIAS: I am not expressing to you to be dwelling together. If at some point you choose to do that, you will know when you are ready, but that is not the point. There are many different capacities in which you can express a partner. It does not require you dwelling in the same home. There are many capacities in which you can incorporate an intimate sharing relationship with another individual. In this, explore. That is the reason that I suggested and encouraged you to be dating.

LYNDA: Should I go back to dating, maybe? Oh god!

ELIAS: Let me express to you, in this, perhaps you are being a bit more black and white with that also. In relation to dating, it is an opportunity to extend yourself, meet other individuals objectively and explore.

LYNDA: I took myself off Match.com. Seriously, it’s an efficient way to draw people to myself, but I drew a lot of lulus, which is because I was confused, right? The whole thing with Rebby and that other guy, Larry, I feel really bad that it turned out like that, but I don’t feel bad because I was exploring. Part of my exploration...

ELIAS: And also remind yourself, there is no one side of a coin. A coin always incorporates two sides, and in that, whatever you are exploring is your exploration, but the other individual is exploring, also. In that, if you choose not to be continuing in an interaction with another individual, they are also choosing that for different reasons. They may not be aware that they are choosing it, but they are.

LYNDA: Okay, say no more, I get it. I mean say whatever you want but... This is good. I am so hard on myself, as you are aware. I am so sorry about that. So, I should maybe open the door again to dating? I do want a person in my life. It makes me cry...

ELIAS: Or modify your idea of dating. This is what I am expressing, that perhaps you moved that in too much of a black and white direction also, that a form of dating could be exploring different individuals through your computer and evaluating what you are attracted to or what is important to you. That is the point of dating, not that you incorporate formal established types of dates, but that it is a timeframe in which you allow yourself to explore and to evaluate what complements me, what is important to me, what do I enjoy, what do I not like. In that, you are weeding through many, many, many different individuals that may present themselves to you or that you may draw to yourself to evaluate. What I would express to you is if you are drawing many individuals to yourself, even if most of those individuals are frogs...

LYNDA: (Laughing) There could be a prince!

ELIAS: ...the point is that you are valuing yourself enough to draw many individuals to yourself.

LYNDA: That’s a great way to look at it. I’m going back on Match! (Elias laughs) I think Match is the most efficient. It’s the biggest site. That’s what I’m going to do.

Okay, this ties into feeling like big fat cow. (Elias laughs) I lied when I said I was accepting my body; I lied. I am, a little. Just so we get to the bottom line here, I want to be 124 pounds, and I can’t get there from here. I think the reason I can’t is because I’m not giving myself permission to go back on a diet. I’ve always been able to snap out of the eating pattern. I can’t snap out of it now. I’m eating too much, but I’m eating the right food for myself, I think. I can’t do the every two-hour thing. It’s confusing, and I eat too much food. I know you said two grapes, but I don’t eat grapes. Just help me to begin to commit. Can I have permission to go on a diet?

ELIAS: If that is your choice.

LYNDA: Why do I need permission from you, Mr. Big Fat Authority Dead Guy? But you told me to eat every two hours. That’s something I didn’t know.

ELIAS: You do not.

What I am expressing to you is efficiency and a flow, to generate a flow within your body, acknowledging that your body is or has already moved back into that expression similar to childhood. In that, I, yes, am advocating in that direction, but if you cannot do that at this point, do what is comfortable.

LYNDA: But wait a minute. I won’t because it will nag me that it’s not the right thing for me, and I’ll drive myself crazy.

ELIAS: It is not a matter of the right and the wrong! It is not a matter of the right and the wrong. Once again this is black and white. It is a matter of incorporating that information and fitting it to your own constructs.

LYNDA: You know I like routine; this will help me. If I can break 1300 calories, which is weight loss calories, which means I would start losing some fat throughout the day, I could accomplish two birds at once. Does that make sense?

ELIAS: Yes.

LYNDA: Do you think 1300 calories would work for a pound a week or more? I don’t care. It’s carbs, really, because I’m not eating a lot of carbs. I like the routine of mapping it out. I do have beliefs about how many carbs and calories I can eat in a day, but I think I can eat a little more calories because they’re fat...

ELIAS: Gear it to what is successful for you.

LYNDA: That would mean eating one meal a day, and I don’t want to do that anymore.

ELIAS: Then configure it in relation to your structure of calorie intake and carbohydrates and...

LYNDA: Balance it.

ELIAS: Yes. Modify it to what would be effective and efficient for you. And if it is not every two hours, it is not every two hours, but it is not once a day.

LYNDA: How would it be, before I waste my time here, I even thought of joining Weight Watchers, just to go once a week and be responsible to weigh in and kind of have a support there.

ELIAS: That may temporarily be helpful, for it would offer you a support.

LYNDA: And a structure.

ELIAS: Yes.

LYNDA: All right, I’ll think about it.

ELIAS: In that, you are not obligated to continue. It is, once again, experimenting and gleaning what is successful for you and accepting what allows you to accomplish, and leave the rest.

LYNDA: Spit out the bones. Okay! Thank you for being my friend.

ELIAS: (Chuckles) Always.

LYNDA: Always. (Laughs) So it’s good. It’s good to be me. Underneath all this conversation of being lonely, I have secretly said to myself desire is the fire, and I know I desire somebody in my life. I’m just going to trust that in the midst of the frogs that person will manifest. Even though my hairdresser said you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs...

ELIAS: Not necessarily kiss a lot of frogs.

LYNDA: No, no frogs. I may even like sex again, who knows. (Elias chuckles) Is that whole sex debacle because I’ve been so confused, or is it because I just genuinely lost...

ELIAS: I would express that there are aspects of both.

LYNDA: Getting old and being alone is a lot of laughs. Shew! (Elias laughs)

Here is the big question: I have suddenly two kittens, not one. Guido, a fleck of Dan, and then there’s suddenly Gidget that I dropped money on instantly. Even though I almost fainted at spending the extra money, I knew. She was born the next day. It was a week before I got Guido. Harold has stopped yowling. Would there be any chance my Gildy decided to reconfigure into Gidget yet? She did?

ELIAS: Congratulations.

LYNDA: (Emotionally) Thanks. She’s very inquisitive. She walks right up to Harold, and Harold is not as miffed with her, (Laughs) He got through it. So Gidget is Gilda reconfigured for me, so I can spend the rest of my days with Gilda, in the flesh, so to speak.

ELIAS: Yes, you can.

LYNDA: Thank you. Tilly-Rose is not happy, but she is less hissy.

ELIAS: But I would express that she was not initially fast friends with Gilda, either.

LYNDA: No, she wasn’t. She was very independent. Harold and Gilda were close. Harold is right in the middle of the kittens. Thank you very much. Every time he does it, I think, good Elias, keep playing. (Elias laughs) So, Tilly wouldn’t hurt them, and they’ll get bigger than her anyway, and they’re all going to be okay, right?

ELIAS: Yes.

LYNDA: I don’t have to stress about it. You are right, Gilda and Tilly were not... Tilly’s friends with very few people except me.

All right, I’m coming back because I’m going to get more points for accomplishing in this, being myself.

ELIAS: Excellent!

LYNDA: I really like me a lot.

ELIAS: So do I.

LYNDA: I love what I am doing with us, my essence anyway. All right, I’ll tell everybody.

ELIAS: Very well.

LYNDA: I love you very much. I’ll see you soon.

ELIAS: And I shall be greatly anticipating of that; tremendous lovingness to you, my friend.

(Elias departs after 37 minutes.)