Session 2969


“Children of the Shift”
“Genuinely Connecting with Others”

Friday, May 07, 2010 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Axel (Ricarro)

ELIAS: Good afternoon.

AXEL: Hi. Back already.

ELIAS: And how is your adventure proceeding?

AXEL: Thanks for asking. It’s been interesting, especially the last few days. Something I’m wanting to talk about with you. Since we spoke, things were quite dramatic, because Lucas ran away once again while he was staying at his mother’s. And then you were correct about him returning to me. It was just a matter of a couple of days until he was back with me and staying with his mother was totally out of the question. And then I tried your suggestions about the extreme sports and activities that offer Lucas a thrill, and at first he was quite excited about it and really liked the idea, but it didn’t really get rolling somehow because it seemed like I would do the effort to organize events, but he’s not really wanting to make much effort. Like we went hang-gliding two times, but it takes a while to get there because obviously this is outside of the city in the fields, and it takes quite some time to get there and then you have to wait until it is your turn, and it’s also a matter of the weather and so on, and Lucas was already bored before we even started almost, and seems like he doesn’t want to go again for a regular practice. And also other things that I suggested like hockey or horse-back riding, he doesn’t even want to try it, and the only thing he wants to do on a regular basis is go-cart driving. So, I don’t know.

ELIAS: But that is one avenue. Therefore, you were not entirely unsuccessful.

AXEL: No, no. Many times your advice is very often useful in relation to a very long timeframe, so even though now at first we didn’t do many of those activities, that may still happen later, in the future, maybe in one year, maybe in two years.

ELIAS: Yes.

AXEL: It is something that also depends on the situation, opportunities, timeframe and so on, and we can always get back to this.

ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.

AXEL: And it’s also something to keep in mind in general, which is useful.

ELIAS: Correct. And they are suggestions of other options that you may not have engaged yourself, automatically.

AXEL: Yeah. And an awareness that I wouldn’t have focused on those types of activities as much.

ELIAS: Correct, and also much of the point in those suggestions are to allow you an awareness of him and his direction, his desire for excitement, and different aspects of him that you can allow yourself to generate a greater understanding of.

AXEL: Yeah, I understood that. Right, that was exactly my understanding. So, there was parents’ day two weeks ago and I got a lot of bad news there, from the teachers, mostly bad news that he is not paying attention in classes, that he is still disturbing the classes a lot, there were some incidents. The last one was on Monday, where he totally didn’t follow the orders of the principle at school, so at first I thought I want to definitely have full custody with me and go through this that way, but then I was seriously considering to maybe put him somewhere else, and I was looking once again into different possibilities with boarding schools. But the thing with boarding schools is, when I consider the general environment there, it turns out that the ones which offer a lot of interesting activities are very expensive. They cost as much as my monthly income is or even more, so practically speaking, that seems pretty difficult. And the other thing is that I realized that Lucas is not doing what people tell him if he doesn’t want to do it. And that may be a big problem when he goes to a boarding school and not everything is perfect for him, and it’s never perfect for him.

ELIAS: Laughs.

AXEL: Laughs. And he gets thrown out, which there is a high probability or a very high potential for that, depending on the environment, then we have made a lot of efforts and for nothing in the end.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

AXEL: That’s the danger that I see there. Because the general problem is, I think, with him in relation to school, is that the way classes are being held, probably almost everywhere in the world, it doesn’t really suit his natural flow, sitting in a class, keeping your mouth shut, listening to the teacher, being quiet, making notes, and this type of atmosphere that goes pretty much against his lively nature of wanting to physically express himself, wanting to be very much interactive most of the time. So I was also thinking, I was looking for schools in general that could be more allowing in this direction, and I found one which is here in this area, that he could reach within perhaps less than an hour time by train, which might be more interesting than a boarding school. What do you think about this? Do you have any idea?

ELIAS: I would express that I am quite understanding what you are expressing and that this is a situation that many, many, many parents are being presented with, and I would agree that in most areas throughout your world, your systems of schooling have not readjusted themselves to a capacity to accommodate the children in this time framework which are being very self-directing, and in that, there is a conflict, and it is being expressed throughout your world in almost all cultures. In this, many individuals are moving in alternative directions, in your terms, if individuals are offering themselves information, such as yourself, and many other individuals also, and recognizing that these children are not actually generating what would be defined as bad behavior.

AXEL: Exactly. I think that the teacher that I spoke with two or three days ago, I thought that she had an understanding of that situation, what you just said.

ELIAS: Yes, and there are many individuals in the role of teachers that are within these systems that are expressing frustration, for they also are aware that many of these children as not actually generating bad behavior, they are bored, and they are not willing to compromise themselves, and they are not willing to be dictated to, which in actuality is a part of this Shift. But even being a part of this Shift, as you are aware even in your own situation, that there are some aspects of this Shift that when individuals are Shifting in certain capacities, it is challenging and it can be difficult for many of your established structures in your societies are clinging to their old routines and their old structures and not willing to change. Eventually it will be necessary, for they will not generate the ability to function in the capacity that they are attempting to continue to function, but you are presently within what you would term to be an in between time framework. As I expressed at the onset of this new millennium, this now has changed to the objective insertion of this Shift, and with the objective expression of this Shift, there is conflict and there is trauma, for there is an unwillingness in many established structures to change.

Now, in that, many individuals are choosing to not participate in the guidelines of structures that are inefficient, such as the established school systems. In this, many individuals choose to home school their children...

AXEL: Which is not an option in Germany.

ELIAS: Or they choose to research and seek out other alternative establishments as schools, which in researching alternative schools, I would express that that is somewhat of a viable avenue, and depending upon the child and whether the child expresses a willingness to participate, I am encouraging of this type of direction, for it does offer these children more of their own free expression, it does allow them more their own self-directedness, which is important, for this is a significant part of the difficulties.

AXEL: Well, that’s what I was thinking. I want my son to enjoy himself at school and have a good time, and that seems very difficult under the given situation. Now, the thing is, he doesn’t really want to change school. He doesn’t want to go to another city. He wants to be here where he has a lot of friends and then, of course, it’s much easier for him if he doesn’t have to travel a long way by train, so I wonder what is practically speaking the best solution for me.

ELIAS: Practically speaking, if this is the direction that you are discussing and that you are considering, then I would express the suggestion to you that the two of you discuss the situation, discuss each your guidelines. In that, let me express to you, not necessarily as technically as discussing your guidelines in technical terms, but more so in the direction of what is important to each of you. And in that, sharing, which I would express it is important to allow both of you to freely share, and in that, recognizing and establishing what are the most important factors for each of you. Once you have determined what are the important factors for you and what the important factors are for him, allowing yourselves to create an agreement between you.

AXEL: Okay.

ELIAS: Now, this is not a compromise. It is a practical agreement that you will generate together.

AXEL: Okay.

ELIAS: In that, it is a matter of expressing, each of you, all of the factors involved and discerning which factors are less important, and therefore which factors may be important to the other individual that are not as important to you that you can agree to participate with. In that, there can be a discussion and an agreement arranged in which some of the most important factors to you can be satisfied and some of the most important factors to him can be satisfied.

AXEL: I’ve been doing this process already, to some extent.

ELIAS: Very well.

AXEL: Well, we have, but maybe not as thoroughly and clearly as we will do now.

ELIAS: I would express that the more open the two of you can generate sharing with each other, the more understanding each of you will incorporate in relation to the other, and in that, you can continue to build upon the relationship in regard to your agreement with each other, which will allow each of you satisfaction. And in that, it is not presenting threats, it is not moving into extremes, and neither of you must actually sacrifice to accomplish. He does not want to engage a new school, for in his perception, that defines a sacrifice.

AXEL: So that would be out of the question then, if he defines it as a very important point.

ELIAS: Correct. And I would express, just as you expressed previously, it is not an absolute. It is an option that can be revisited or reintroduced, but it is important to consider timing and to allow for this first step of sharing and defining importance by each of you, and to move forward from that point.

AXEL: Yes, I understand. I have experienced this week that everything seems to be much more flexible than I thought, because—let me describe what I mean. It’s funny in a way, but only a few days ago, for the first time I felt that I have empathically connected with something inside Lucas that I hadn’t seen before, which is that in certain situations when he may seem obnoxious on the surface or naughty or uncooperative, he is actually experiencing intense conflict inside himself with his feelings, and it’s got to do with teenager mood swings, but it is not that simple that we can, like in the traditional model of child rearing that you have certain rules which simply seem reasonable and the kids must follow them, it is really very often a matter of the energy of the moment, and I noticed that the common thread in his motivations is actually that self-directedness. He can’t do what he doesn’t want to do, which is really against his guidelines. If he does, it works maybe very momentarily, but it will never work in the long run. And he is very self confident in himself about what he wants, he knows he can identify what he wants, and he is very determined to follow that, what he knows about himself.

ELIAS: Yes.

AXEL: So it is very important for me to also connect with him and understand that in order to have a connection that allows me to relate, because otherwise I have a certain motivation in relation to something, and I present it to him, and he will say no, or he just doesn’t do it, and if I don’t understand precisely in that moment why he is not doing that, then what choices do I have? I can be frustrated or angry, or I might just give in, in which case I’m also unhappy with the outcome because I have compromised my guidelines from that point of view with this awareness. This increased awareness that I had very recently seems to change a lot for me, because suddenly everything seems to be so flexible, like we have found a common ground to interact, and he feels that. It is changing the energy between us.

ELIAS: Yes, and I am tremendously acknowledging of you. And you are correct, my friend, that when he is attempting to move in opposition to his own guidelines, it is much more intense than it is for you or for other individuals of more age. The reason is that you and other individuals as adults have acquired attachments through what you have learned and what you have been taught, and in that, some of these attachments influence you to override your own guidelines at times. You have, through experience and through time, become accustomed to overriding your own guidelines at times. These children are not accustomed to that and in that…

AXEL: That creates some interesting dynamics in this society now.

ELIAS: Yes, quite so, for these children are accustomed directing themselves and to acknowledging their own guidelines, and in that, they generate a new type of perception, and this new perception is directed in a manner that there is actually somewhat of a lack of understanding as to why they should override their own guidelines. They do not understand, and in that, what creates the conflict and the difficulty is that they see that other individuals are disturbed. They see that other individuals are conflicted or that other individuals are distressed or unhappy, and in that, there is an aspect of them that does not want other individuals to be distressed or to be conflicted, therefore it creates a conflict within themselves, for they are not comfortable with other individuals being distressed or being bothered or being conflicted, but simultaneously, they do not entirely understand it, and they generate tremendous difficulty in moving into a direction of doing what you do almost automatically in overriding their own guidelines. It is not an automatic expression for them. It is difficult for them.

AXEL: Yeah, that is a difficult situation for everyone.

ELIAS: Yes, for you incorporate ideas and ideals that you want for your son and you want your son to be comfortable and happy and to move through his experiences with ease. You do not want him to be generating conflict. But in this, you also view a picture in which not incorporating conflict includes conforming to certain structures. But for him, conforming to certain structures creates much more conflict than allowing his guidelines and addressing to whatever subsequent conflict may occur.

A consequence to these children is the least conflict scenario. The greater conflict scenario is attempting to override their own guidelines, their own natural flow.

AXEL: Right. I can see that.

ELIAS: And in that, it creates a genuine distress within these children, for they are continuously conflicted in this continuous pull.

AXEL: That’s why it was very important that I offered myself some insight into this situation.

ELIAS: I very much agree.

AXEL: Because I’ve heard similar words before, but only now do I really understand what it’s about.

ELIAS: Yes, and this is very, very important, my friend. I am tremendously acknowledging of you. For you are correct, I or any other source can offer you information and can express to you, but unless you actually engage the experience and offer yourself a genuine understanding, it is merely concept, it is merely words.

AXEL: That’s the benefit of my son being very self-directed.

ELIAS: And therefore the son becomes the example.

AXEL: Yes, he is a reflection of that.

ELIAS: And let me express to you, my friend, this is another aspect that is very difficult for individuals, for you generate these perceptions of roles, and one of them is that adults are the examples, and this is becoming reversed. The children are becoming the examples for the adults, but that is a difficult change to engage.

AXEL: Yes. It just reminded me of something else I also wanted to mention. In the recent group session you said this increased interconnectedness that we are beginning to experience can make us feel somewhat — saying it in my words — shy or we wonder how other people look at us. I mean, if we can look inside each other, once people really know us and we know them, it can feel quite exposing.

ELIAS: Yes.

AXEL: But I haven’t felt this way. I have actually felt the reverse.

ELIAS: Ah, but you are…

AXEL: I do understand people better and I am not afraid any more.

ELIAS: Ah, but you are also beginning in a new capacity, for you have allowed yourself to generate that genuine connection with your son and this may lead you in a direction in which you would not necessarily experience that uncomfortableness in the genuine recognition of the interconnectedness, for you are already exposed and you are already allowing yourself to experience that interconnectedness, and therefore you already are offering yourself examples that it isn’t threatening.

AXEL: It is not threatening at all, because it just gives me an understanding. It shows me that there is nothing that could threaten me or to be afraid of. You know, we’re all people!

ELIAS: Correct.

AXEL: In a sense, we’re so much the same.

ELIAS: And it offers you liberation, for when you are generating an awareness of that interconnection, it allows you a greater understanding, and it allows you to recognize that all of these aspects that you could perceive as being threatening actually are not threatening, and therefore you incorporate tremendous liberation, much more freedom to be yourself.

AXEL: And as much as that, I even feel that when I do this, the other people are recognizing that on some layer, and they in turn become more cooperative.

ELIAS: You are very correct, which is precisely what I have expressed.

AXEL: They feel seen. I do understand them, but somehow they recognize that and they feel understood and they feel less threatened.

ELIAS: Yes (emphatically). This is the point. And this is the point that I have been expressing repeatedly in why it is so important that it begins with you, that when you do it, it does ripple out, and it does influence all around you and every other individual that you encounter…

AXEL: And Elias, you know what’s new also for me is that I can do this so intentionally, almost at will, in almost any moment.

ELIAS: That is the point! Congratulations! And I will express to you, my dear friend, you have incorporated this power and this ability all along. It has always been present. It has always been a part of you. It is now that you are recognizing it, you are aware of it, and that you can exercise it.

AXEL: You know, I’ve been doing something that you said in the group session gave me the idea when you said—I don’t recall exactly the words — it’s just a little idea triggered inside me, that you can relate to just anyone very deeply, anywhere you go, at any moment. And I’ve been playing with this during the last few days, like when I was walking down the street in the city, or standing somewhere at the bus stop, I was looking at someone and I pretended that I know them already, like I’ve known them for a long time, I know how they are, what makes them tick and so on. And to some extent that works.

ELIAS: Yes.

AXEL: It creates a particular connection.

ELIAS: Yes, and in that…

AXEL: It creates a situation if I would engage in a conversation with them, a certain vibe is already there.

ELIAS: Yes, and in that, the more you do it, the more you practice, the more automatic it becomes, and the greater freedom you express, and the easier it is.

Let me express to you, my friend, as I have expressed many, many times previously, these actions are actually simple. They are not so very complicated.

AXEL: No.

ELIAS: They are not difficult. They are very simple and very effective. It is merely that you are all so very accustomed to complicating all that you do.

AXEL: Regarding accustomed to complicating, there is something I have been thinking about and probably complicating myself, often enough, but I also return to a very simple view in relation to the whole subject of genuine identity. I really don’t know how to say this. It may sound very dumb, but the way I see it is that the awareness of our genuine identity is basically there, it is available, but what is sort of standing in the way is to realize it and to be very objectively aware of it is all these things that you are most of the time talking about, and that’s probably why you are talking about them, like associations, beliefs, automatic reactions, feelings…

ELIAS: Attachments.

AXEL: All those things that are going on in our objective awareness that we are concentrating upon that keeps us almost hypnotized and totally distracted of another layer where everything is already there.

ELIAS: Yes. Precisely. You are correct.

AXEL: And that’s why it is just a matter of relaxing and allowing and it will all come to you.

ELIAS: Yes, yes! And in this, it is merely a matter of altering your perception ever so slightly, for you are correct, it is all present. All of this beingness, all of this freedom, all of this empowerment is already present; you already possess it all. It is merely that you have covered it and encased it in a shell of all of these other expressions, and therefore you do not allow that genuineness of yourself. And you are afraid, if not terrified, to allow any genuine expression of yourself for fear of some contrived consequence, that if you engage one simple step, one simple act of allowance of your own genuineness in some very simple situation, such as refusing an invitation to a dinner. But you are terrified to allow yourselves permission to express one simple action of allowance of yourself for fear of some terrible consequence, which the consequence actually, for the most part, does not exist.

AXEL: Yep. That is also a matter of the awareness you have of yourself and the other individual. That is what I meant that takes away the threat.

ELIAS: Yes.

AXEL: Because, actually, you know, what’s the big deal in such a situation? But then, of course, it also depends on if you want to decline the invitation, it’s, of course, if you have this awareness of the entire situation and the other people involved, this will influence how you express your preference.

ELIAS: Yes.

AXEL: You will find a way to express it in a way that the other people involved will understand and accept it.

ELIAS: Yes.

AXEL: And then there is no problem.

ELIAS: Correct.

AXEL: It can happen in a different way. It’s still a small thing to decline an invitation, but if you express that in the wrong energy, it can be taken in an offensive way.

ELIAS: Yes, you are correct, and you can complicate. But when you are actually allowing yourself to be and to express genuinely, there is no threat.

AXEL: It’s not going to happen anyway.

ELIAS: Correct, for you are not expressing a threat.

AXEL: Everything is already considered, right? I mean, you don’t have to worry about your consideration when you express from your genuine…

ELIAS: Correct, for that is automatic.

AXEL: It’s already in there.

ELIAS: Yes, for that is allowing yourself to be the expression of essence within physical form, and essences are not intrusive. Humans can be intrusive, but in your genuineness of self, you would not be, and you would not be expressing a threat. And that is not…

AXEL: I’ve been having tuberculosis during the last few months, and I think it was nice to have this break because I didn’t have to go to work for a long time and I still don’t have to. I think that helped me to sort these things out a little bit, don’t you think?

ELIAS: Yes, I would agree. And let me also express to you, my friend, when I express this that being your genuine self does not present any threat and this is the reason that other individuals naturally respond in a different manner and are also more open, this is not to say that you become robotic. It is not to say that you no longer incorporate feelings or opinions or preferences.

AXEL: Of course not!

ELIAS: And it is also not to say that you become automatically entirely passive. That is not the situation. You may be very strong in different directions and your opinions may continue to be expressed very strongly, for they are reflections of your own preferences and guidelines, but that even with those expressions, there is a constant energy and expression of allowance, and there is continuously no threat. There is a definite energy that your expressions or that your guidelines and your opinions and your preferences are your own, and that you acknowledge them, and that you like them, but that you also recognize that they are not projected to any other individual, and therefore they are not a threat.

AXEL: Yes. Elias may I ask you something different before we come to the end?

ELIAS: You may.

AXEL: Julie is having a question about Shinzen Young, whether he is common. I think yes.

ELIAS: Yes.

AXEL: And whether Sasaki Roshi is soft.

ELIAS: Yes.

AXEL: I have a question from Julie and I together. When we met during the group session in October, we recognized that every time we touched there was a tremendous interaction and flow in energy, and a flow of energy that was so intense that we were wondering if there is something about it that may be interesting to know that we haven’t been aware of. I think it is because we complement each other very much and Julie has used the metaphor of “closing a circuit,” which I think is a very good description.

ELIAS: Yes, I would agree with both of these expressions, for, let me express to you that when there is complementary energy expressed between individuals, it does create a type of circle, a completion in a manner of speaking, a natural flow. And if the individuals generate or express an openness and an awareness of themselves and of energy, they will notice, and this is what you have allowed yourself to experience. I would express also that there is a significant connection between the two of you individually, more so outside of this physical dimension than within, although you do generate considerable connections and interactions in this physical dimension, but more so than that, outside of this physical dimension, you incorporate considerable connections, and experiences and interaction. I would express, also, that each of you incorporates significant numbers of focuses in a particular dimension which is very adept at energy manipulation.

AXEL: Ah.

ELIAS: And in that, communication is expressed through energy, also. They do not incorporate any type of physical language.

AXEL: Ah, and that bleeds through In that sense that we feel a very strong connection in energy also in this dimension, perhaps.

ELIAS: Yes, for when you allow for a connection, such as you have, and you also incorporate an openness and an awareness, as you do in this focus, that allows for that bleed through, which enhances the energy connection and the feeling of it and the recognition of it in this dimension and in this focus.

AXEL: Yeah. Julie has another question. Maybe we can briefly discuss this before the session is over. Julie is having a friend called Judith, and she seems to call Julie very often and is talking about her illness all the time and that creates a lot of tension with Julie, and even during the times when they do not speak on the phone, this energy of her friend Judith feels very strong, and Julie’s wondering if she’s an intermediate and what she’s exposing to herself in this situation and what is her communication in this.

ELIAS: Yes, the individual is intermediate. What is she presenting to herself? She is presenting to herself the opportunity to be interactive and supportive with another individual, but not be involved. That is one significant aspect of what she is presenting to herself, for this what she generally does. She engages being supportive, but she involves herself, and therefore allows the other individual’s expression to be affecting of her even if they are not interacting any longer.

AXEL: In this situation, Julie does not involve herself.

ELIAS: But she is involving herself.

AXEL: She is involving herself, which is something that she’s often doing. Of course, if I may speak for her, I suppose she will appreciate a suggestion to alleviate the uncomfortableness associated with this.

ELIAS: She is allowing her feelings to be engaged when it is not necessary. I would express to her, remember, feelings are signals and the message is always very simple. It is not a philosophy. It is not a book. It is not even a paragraph. It is a simple statement that is what the emotional message is beneath the signal of the feeling. And generally speaking, when the individual is continuing feelings, especially in relation to other individuals, the individual is generating this hamster wheel of repeating what they are involving themself in. She is involving herself in the other individual’s expression, and in doing so, which is not her job and not her responsibility. I am not expressing that she does not care or that it is not important that she cares, but that it is not her responsibility to involve herself. Her involvement stops at the action of choosing to be supportive or not. If she chooses to be supportive, her action of being supportive is merely to offer listening, and in that, that is the extent of the involvement. She is carrying the involvement further and this is the reason that she is continuing these feelings. The feelings are the indicator for the message, very simple and very precise, short message: you are involving yourself. That is all.

AXEL: Okay. Thank you very much, Elias.

ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend. And once again, I offer my congratulations and my tremendous acknowledgement in your accomplishment of recent involvement with your son.

AXEL: Thank you very much.

ELIAS: I shall continue to be offering my encouragement to you and tremendous supportiveness. Until our next meeting, my dear friend, in tremendous affection as always, au revoir.

AXEL: Au revoir.