Session 519


“Intimate Relationships”
“Expectations of Self”

Wednesday, December 15, 1999-1 © 2000 (Private/Phone)
Participants:  Mary (Michael) and Melinda (Sena).
Elias arrives at 11:15 AM. (Arrival time is 20 seconds)

ELIAS:  Bon jour, my dear Sena!

MELINDA:  (Laughing)  Bon jour, Elias! (Elias chuckles)  Well, gosh.  I have to admit, I didn’t expect to speak to you again so recently after my last session!

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha!

MELINDA:  But you never know what’s gonna come up, now do you? (Elias chuckles)  I am going to accept your invitation to speak with you directly about the question that I had attempted to ask through Tom. (Reference session #-2)

ELIAS:  Very well.  First of all, I shall be interrupting you prior to your request in a momentary offering to Lawrence in clarification, for he shall be encountering what you may term to be an error or a glitch, so to speak, within a transmission of a recent session which he shall be transcribing.

Therefore, in clarity, I shall offer a brief explanation of interference which was occurring in a projection of energy in the exchange between myself and another individual in group session which was affecting of the objective language communication in spelling, for the individual’s clarification.

I have offered, in your physical terms, an incorrect spelling of the word Milumet, as the individual was projecting a surge of energy in the exchange, and this was interfering with the communication. (Reference session #)

That is all, and you may continue with your request.

MELINDA:  Oh, okay.  Thank you.

In your session with Tom, you made the comment, after I had asked about my relationship issues, that there were areas that I wasn’t willing to view right now.  I think you put it, “Sena is not allowing herself to be viewing herself yet.”  So, I figured I’d just cut to the chase and ask you, what is it, Elias, that I don’t want to take a look at?  Would you mind offering some insight into that?

ELIAS:  Very well.

Now; there are two elements which are occurring simultaneously in your interaction with other individuals in relation to this particular subject matter of relationships.

First of all, let me express to you that in conjunction with this information, you turn your attention to self and you are objectively attempting to be projecting acceptance and an ease — in your perception — as you allow yourself encounters with other individuals, but there are other movements of energy which are occurring in relation to this particular subject matter.

In this, as you begin turning your attention to the subject matter of relationships in involvement with other individuals in any type of intimate expression, you also automatically move in the direction of projecting expectations upon yourself and in relation to other individuals.  These are partially underlying expressions, but let me express to you that the projection of energy is obvious and holds strength.

Now; this also holds an involvement with your assessment of your ability, and there is an involvement of your assessment and perception of worth.

This be the reason that I have offered the invitation of discussion directly, for this particular situation that you are creating holds many more elements of involvement than may objectively be viewed surfacely, so to speak.

In this, as the mere subject of intimate relationships may be viewed, there are automatic expressions that you engage in expectations of self, that you need be incorporating acceptance and allowance in the direction of the expression of other individuals, and you occupy your attention firstly in this manner.

Now; let us view this situation in increments, and this may offer you more of an objective understanding of what is occurring in this subject matter.

You need not actually encounter another individual to be engaging this action which occurs.  Merely the subject matter itself shall create the same movement in energy that shall be created in actual interaction with other individuals also.

Therefore, it matters not whether you are encountering other individuals or interacting with other individuals, or whether you are merely allowing yourself thought processes in relation to this subject matter of intimacy in relationships.

As you engage either action, your attention moves first to self and your objective incorporation of information, which creates a now-automatic movement into expectations that you place upon yourself with regard to this subject matter — how you shall behave, how you shall interact, how you shall incorporate allowance, how you shall express acceptance — and you place a tremendous energy expression of pressure upon yourself first of all, in an expression of expectation with yourself.  This is not played through, in a manner of speaking, within your thought process, but is an automatic, immediate movement of energy that you project.

Now; in this, be remembering that any energy that you are projecting, be it to self or to another individual, it is emitting outwardly from you, and this is affecting, objectively AND subjectively, within consciousness.

Returning to the action that automatically occurs in your expectation of self:

You create a certain type of movement in your energy which is manifest in these expectations, and the justification for the expectations is that you allow yourself tremendous input of information.  You allow your attention to be occupied with information that you deem to be enlightening and offering you a teaching situation that you shall learn from.

You also assess that you practice in the implementation of many concepts and that you are objectively applying them within your focus.  Therefore, there is an expectation of how they shall manifest and how they shall be implemented in your behavior and in your interaction.

This sets into motion a circle, so to speak, in which you project an expectation of yourself, of your abilities, of your expressions, of your behaviors, and all of these elements are what you assess to be the mirror or the reflection of your assessment of self, and as you view any motion of validation that you are objectively accomplishing in conjunction with your expectations of self, you allow yourself to be validating self, and therefore also automatically translating this evaluation into an assessment concerning your individual worth.

As you create any expression that is unsatisfactory to you objectively, or that you may assess that you “should have” or “could have” accomplished “better,” you discount or “take away points” from yourself in your assessment, and you reinforce the strength of your expectations of self, and you devalue your assessment of worth.

Now; be remembering, these are automatic actions that you create within energy.

Energy expressions are created in the moment, and in your assessment of time and linear motion, you may visualize to yourself that these types of expressions within energy may be accomplished within a fraction of a second, and they are already set into motion and already expressed, and from that moment, they are emanating from you in energy.

Now; in like manner to what I have expressed previously in other sessions, as you are — as any individual — expressing a radiation of energy in acceptance of self, it is creating of what we may term to be a beacon, so to speak, within consciousness, which shall allow you to draw to yourself like expressions and shall be noticed by other individuals, and they shall also draw themselves to you in acceptance.

This moves in the reverse also.  As you are not accepting of self or as you are placing expectations upon self, you also project that energy outwardly from yourself within consciousness.

And I say to you quite literally, this projects from you objectively AND subjectively, not merely subjectively, and in this action, you create another type of beacon which is recognized and noticed by other individuals, and you draw to yourself and other individuals draw to you in like expression.

Therefore, the first element that you may turn your attention to is self and how you create this circle of energy in expectation of self, and the rigidness that you hold to in these expectations of what may be acceptable in your expressions outwardly in conjunction with other individuals.

This is quite efficiently camouflaged in your expression, as you objectively view this as an outward projection of acceptance concerning other individuals.

This is the camouflage that you have created, that you shall be expressing acceptance of other individuals.

This immediately turns your attention away from self objectively, allows you a concentration upon the other individual, and occupies your attention with the behavior and the movement and the creations and interaction that the other individual is expressing, and therefore quite efficiently camouflages and moves your attention away from the expectations that you are creating within self.

Now, in this action, there are underlying expectations that you hold in conjunction with other individuals also, and this too is camouflaged in what you have defined within yourself as a movement into acceptance.

Now; let me express to you, recently — in the interaction of the forum that I have offered an explanation to Lawrence in energy interference this day — I have offered a subject matter concerning the defining of certain terms in conjunction with this information and in your movements collectively in this physical focus presently, for there are misinterpretations in the area of terminology and their definitions.  One of the terms that I addressed to in that forum was the terminology of tolerance.

This term of tolerance is quite often interchanged, in your physical expressions, with acceptance.  Tolerance is not acceptance.

Tolerance may be expressed many times genuinely, and confused in your definitions with an expression of acceptance, for you view yourselves to be accepting if you are expressing tolerance, but let me express to you that tolerance is an action that expresses expectations.

I am not expressing to you that the action of tolerance is bad or wrong.  I am merely offering a definition and clarification of the term and the action of tolerance, for it is confused with an action of acceptance.  In this, many individuals, yourself also, move in a direction of expressing tolerance and confusing this with an action of acceptance.

In your movement, within your thought process or within actual interaction with other individuals, you create an expression of tolerance.  You express a partial tolerance of self, and you express a tolerance in conjunction with another individual.

This is a temporary movement in your expression of an allowance of behaviors and expressions and interaction of yourself and of other individuals, but with the expression of expectation in conjunction with yourself and with the other individual: “I shall be engaging interaction and a relationship with this individual IF — IF it is providing me with a validation of self, IF I am not encountering conflict, IF the other individual expresses behavior within certain guidelines, IF there is an agreement upon behavior and philosophy, IF I assess that I am offering validation and acceptance to myself, which I shall be receiving through the relationship of the other individual.”

These are the expressions that are underlying in the expression of tolerance.  There are expectations that are expressed in the action of tolerance.

The action and the expression of acceptance is the LACK of expectations and the LACK of judgments, upon self or upon other individuals or upon situations.  This is the expression of acceptance.

In this, I have also incorporated information in relation to the terminology of patience, for this holds an intimate involvement in the movement of these other expressions also, for patience is not the expression of waiting.

Patience is the expression of allowance, an allowance of a free flow of energy, as it is recognized — in TRUST — that you have already created certain probabilities and certain directions, and you ALLOW their movement and the materialization, so to speak, of those probabilities in your reality.  This is the action of patience.

Therefore, you incorporate patience as allowance and trust, which is NOT synonymous with acceptance.  You incorporate acceptance, which is the lack of judgment and the lack of expectation.  And you recognize the expression of tolerance as you are creating that expression and not confusing that expression with acceptance.

Now; in this, as you allow yourself to turn your attention to self in this area of the subject matter of relationships, you may allow yourself the opportunity to be noticing your automatic responses, which are your automatic “set-ups,” so to speak, in very physical terms, for as you engage this subject matter, you are setting energy in motion quite specifically and precisely, and it moves very efficiently in the direction that you have designed.

And THIS is the element that is creating confusion within you, for objectively you express a want, and you become confused objectively as you implement actions to be moving yourself in the direction of accomplishing that want, and it appears not to be materializing in the manner that you express the want.

But as I have expressed many times previously, you shall manifest — you shall create — what you concentrate upon, and what you concentrate upon IS your belief systems, and your belief systems are quite influencing of your movement in automatic responses and your perception, which creates your evaluation of situations and of self and of other individuals.  This is the circle that is created.

Now; the reason, as you are aware, that I express so very often and so repeatedly to individuals to be turning their attention to self first is that ALL of your creations — all of your reality, all of your behaviors, all of your interactions, all of your projections — ALL of what you create is a direct expression of self through your perception, and as you are projecting an acceptance of self, this shall automatically be affecting of all that you create and draw yourself to or draw to yourself within your reality.

NONE of your reality is coincidence or accidental.  It is all quite purposeful, and it is all created quite immaculately.

You are not chaotically or haphazardly moving through this physical dimension.  You are quite purposefully creating every moment and every movement within it.

In this, every expression that you draw to yourself or that you are drawn to in your reality is a reflection of what you are creating within self.

Therefore, you yourself are the gauge of all of your reality, for as you offer yourself ANY imagery, which is all expressions within your reality — ANY expression of any action, any type of physical or nonphysical imagery that you offer to yourself within your reality — you may be assured that it is a reflection of what you are creating within self in your individual reality.

Now; the pitfall in this information that I am offering to you now is your lean in the direction to be automatically reinforcing the very action that I am expressing to you in what you are already creating, for you automatically lean in the direction of accessing information, but turning that information inwardly, so to speak, UPON self rather than incorporating it WITH self.  These are two very different actions.

Therefore, hear what I am expressing to you.  The entirety of this information that I am offering to you is NOT a judgment or a chastisement.  The entirety of what I am offering to you this day is merely a defining of terminology, of actions, and of assessments that you create within your perception, that you may ALLOW yourself — hear this word of allowance! — the opportunity to objectively notice and be aware of the movement that you create within your energy.

For the base movement of all that I am expressing to you is not what you draw to yourself in interactions with other individuals, but that you allow yourself to view the energy that you project to self and the expectations that you place upon self, for there is a tremendous expression of energy that you hold in these expectations upon self.

I may express to you that you are a wondrous creature and that you hold no limitations in your abilities in this physical focus, and this is an encouragement, NOT an expression to be turned, so to speak, as a judgment upon self that you are not creating efficient enough or that you “should” be creating “better.”

You express a tremendous drive within self, in pushing within your energy in the expression of “better.”  You have been expressing this particular direction for much of your focus.  What I am expressing to you is that you shall continue to hold your drive and your intensity of movement regardless, and you need not incorporate the tremendous expression of expectation upon self to be creating of that drive.

Your natural expression in this focus is to be moving in an intensity of drive, but this is not equated with an expression of assessment of value of self.  Your drive shall continue and shall not be lost in your motivation.  You have moved the motivation of that drive in the assessment of self and your measurement of self, and this is very affecting of your allowance of your ability to be accepting of self.

Let me also clearly express to you, Sena, there is a difference in the expression of trust of self — which you do allow yourself — and that of the expression of acceptance of self.  You may be trusting of your abilities, and to a significant extent within this focus, you are.  You have offered yourself objective validation many times to be reinforcing your trust of your abilities to be accomplishing objectively within this focus.

Therefore, I am acknowledging of you that you do express a trust in self, but this is not synonymous with acceptance of self.  You may be expressing trust of self, and continue to be not accepting of self.

Therefore, do not confuse your expression of trust with an identification of acceptance and do not chastise yourself with this information, that you are not trusting of self and therefore you are inefficiently creating or that you are not expressing “good enough,” for this is a movement merely into that same reinforcement once again of a lack of acceptance, and as I have stated, this is the pitfall, for this is an automatic movement that you create.

If there is an avenue that you may present to yourself to be moving in this circle, you shall automatically move into it, and you objectively understand what I am expressing to you!  I shall give you a fraction of an inch in any direction possible of a discounting of yourself, and you shall express fifty miles (Melinda laughs) in this discounting of self and shall place yourself upon your hamster wheel, running until exhaustion!

And I am expressing to you now, offer yourself the opportunity to step off of this wheel and to view that you need not be expressing “better,” and as you continue to be placing these expectations upon self, you shall also express them outwardly, and this shall create a tremendous obstacle in the direction of your want in the subject of relationships in intimacy.

How shall you create intimacy with another individual or allow intimacy with another individual if you are not allowing that expression with yourself?  You shall not be accepting of other individuals if you are not accepting of self.  There shall continue to be expressions of conflict or expressions of mere tolerance if you are not expressing acceptance of self.

Once you are allowing yourself to recognize the tremendous expression of energy that you place upon yourself in these expectations, you may allow yourself an acceptance, and in that acceptance, you shall also experience a tremendous freedom, which shall allow you to draw to yourself the expression of intimacy in a relationship with another individual.  Are you understanding?

MELINDA:  I think so.  I’m gonna have to think a lot about this, I think.  Whew!  I’m kinda speechless, Elias.

ELIAS:  I am understanding of the difficulty in this area, and I am understanding of the camouflage that has been projected for much time framework.  Therefore, this shall be requiring of much noticing.

MELINDA:  It sounds like the first place I need to start, because this is so quick and so automatic and has been going on for so long, that the first step is just to pay attention and notice when I do it, and you’re right — it happens in a fraction of a second.  And you’re right — I can go fifty miles before anybody else has taken a breath! (Elias chuckles)  Am I understanding you correctly, in that this is the first thing I need to do?

ELIAS:  Yes.  This would be the most helpful direction for your interaction.

These are difficult areas, and I hold an awareness of the difficulty in the movement into acceptance in your physical dimension.  This be the reason that I have expressed so very many times that there is an expression of trauma in conjunction with this shift in consciousness, for acceptance is the key element of this shift in consciousness, in every expression.  This is unfamiliar and difficult in your reality, for you have created your reality to this point quite differently.

MELINDA:  Yeah.  The distinctions between tolerance and acceptance were very helpful.  I can see myself doing that quite a bit.

ELIAS:  (Grinning)  You are not singular or alone, so to speak, in these expressions! (Melinda laughs)  For I shall express to you that individuals throughout your planet are confusing the definitions, and are creating expressions of tolerance and are misinterpreting those expressions and identifying them as expressions of acceptance, and they are not.

MELINDA:  Well, I’m glad to know I’m not the only one!

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha ha!

MELINDA:  (Laughing)  Although I’m the only one in my reality dealing with it!

ELIAS:  Ah!  No, you are not! (Melinda laughs)  For within your reality, you encounter individuals every day, so to speak, in which the expression is the same.

MELINDA:  Yeah....

ELIAS:  Yes.

MELINDA:  Wow.  Well, this is really helpful, Elias.  I realize as we’re talking that you’re right about the expectations that I place on myself.  I’m so hard on myself, and that’s something I really want to take a look at with all of this, with the automatic responses....

ELIAS:  Be remembering also, Sena, what I have expressed to you.  What you create within you, you also project outwardly and draw to you.  Therefore, as you place tremendous expectations upon yourself and you create limitations for yourself, you draw expressions from other individuals that shall mirror and reinforce your creation.  Therefore, other individuals shall respond to you in like manner.

MELINDA:  So they will place expectation on me as well, is what you’re saying?

ELIAS:  Yes, which reinforces the circle and also perpetuates the expression in response and reaction within you, in which you project expectations upon them.

MELINDA:  Right.  Well, I guess what I’m not clear on is, how do I not have expectations when I have preferences about things I like?

ELIAS:  You may hold preferences.  You may hold opinions and philosophies.  It matters not.  You may express yourself in any manner that you are choosing.

What I am directing your attention to is acceptance.  Acceptance needs no expectation.  You need no expectation to be creating drive and motivation, but within your automatic responses, you hold a belief that expectations motivate you.

If you are setting a goal, this is an expectation, and the goal is what you view to be the driving force to be motivating you in motion for your accomplishment.

MELINDA:  Oh, you’re right!  I never saw that as a belief! (Laughing)

ELIAS:  This is what I am expressing to you.  Motivation and drive may be expressed without an expectation.  They shall not disappear, so to speak, merely that you recognize that you are creating expectations and that they are unnecessary.

Expectations many times move you into areas of disappointment.  An expectation is an expression of a judgment, for regardless of the outcome, you shall move yourself into what you view as a positive accomplishment or a disappointment.  Both are judgments upon your movement.  The goal is the expectation.

Goals are not merely expressed in objective form in the designation of defined elements, such as those that you create within your work, so to speak.  Goals may be expressed in relationships also, for goals are merely another terminology for expectations.

MELINDA:  Hmm.  As we’re talking, I’m thinking about a relationship that I’m currently kind of exploring, and it seems to me that I’m approaching this one a little bit differently than I have in the past, yet I can also see where I’m approaching it with what you just said I do too.  I guess what I’m trying to see is, am I getting any closer with the one that I have? (Laughing)

ELIAS:  Are you moving closer in the relationship that you have?  I shall express to you yes, for you are speaking with me this day and you are offering yourself information.  You are turning your attention.  You are seeking out information and you are turning your attention, that you may be affecting of your perception, and you may also be affecting of your interaction within the relationship.

View how all of your actions move together in harmony.  They are not separated.  They are not segmented into one box and another box and another box of expressions.  Your relationship is not within one box, and your movement in your job in another box, and your interaction with individuals in areas of philosophy and metaphysics in another box, and your interaction with myself in another box.  They are all moving in harmony together.  They are all influencing of each other.

MELINDA:  That makes sense.  I think my brain is on overload, Elias!

ELIAS:  HA HA!

MELINDA:  You sure know how to answer a question! (They both laugh)

ELIAS:  You have offered yourself much information this day!

MELINDA:  Yeah, I really have, and I’m glad you suggested that I talk to you, because I have been feeling this.  This whole issue has just been a HUGE logjam of energy, and I’ve felt like I’ve been caught in a spin-cycle, that circle you were talking about, and I realize how seductive getting into those feeling is!  It’s so familiar, it’s so comfortable, and even though I really hate being there, I was just caught in that loop and really wondering what to do to break out of that cycle.

So, you’ve given me a lot to think about, and if you don’t mind, I would certainly appreciate your help with this on an energy basis.

ELIAS:  And you may receive it.

MELINDA:  Thank you.

ELIAS:  I shall continue to be interactive with you, and I shall be offering energy to you continuously.

MELINDA:  Thank you, and it’s okay to whack me on the head every once in a while and say, “Look!  Pay attention!”  Just don’t blow out any more light bulbs, okay?

ELIAS:  HA HA!  And you may whack yourself upon your head!  HA HA HA!  And you may be incorporating a concussion with all this whacking upon your head!

MELINDA:  (Cracking up)  My god, I think you’re right! (They both laugh)  Oh, that’s funny!

ELIAS:  In this, allow yourself to be relaxing and be playful, not so very serious!

MELINDA:  (Laughing)  Yeah, I’m guilty of that!

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha ha!

MELINDA:  Okay.  I will do my best to relax and play and lighten up on myself about this a little bit.

ELIAS:  Very good!  I shall be quite encouraging of you. (Chuckling)

MELINDA:  Thank you.  I appreciate that, Elias.  Well, unless you have anything else, I think this is about all I can deal with for today! (Laughing)  I have a lot to think about.

ELIAS:  Very well.  I offer to you, Sena, much lovingness and much encouragement.

MELINDA:  And I return that to you too.  Thank you so much.

ELIAS:  In great affection, I express to you, adieu.

MELINDA:  Adieu.  Au revoir.

Elias departs at 12:24 PM.